(Closed) Who Am I? Please help me.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

@leporidae:  your still the same person as before. You can still have dreams and thoughts and abilities darling. My family was also small, not so much now with 4 nieces and nephews lol. my sister has a large family.

You need to sit down with your father & uncle and dicuss things like that. if you fall ill, what would they do. it’s important to have plans for every possibility. Discuss things with friends as well, get as many opinions as possible. I hope it works out. and talk with your SO, his opinion matters as well.

Post # 4
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@leporidae:  you should help as much as you can without ending your own life. You have to live for you. There are social services that can take care of them if you can’t be there.

I completely understand loss affecting your future choices “Im the wont get engaged in march because of my deceased brother girl”. I do think you have to work through tough losses and know that eventually, in time, if you keep doing the best you can to live, youll feel the person you lost would be proud of you.

As far as the living, if they love you as much as you love them then they wont want you to give up hapiness for them.

Post # 5
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

 First of all, I’m really sorry about your grandmother. I’ve lost 2 grandfathers and I know how hard it can be, especially if you were close.

 

 That being said, I know what you mean when you say you aren’t sure what your role is and who you are. I was 18 and literally just graduated high school 1-2 weeks before my grandfather died. Graduation coupled with his loss (he was the core of our giant family) made me feel totally lost and I had no idea where to go, what to do, how I felt, etc.

For a few months I just fumbled along, starting college, getting a part time job, etc. I’m not going to lie, it was really hard. Sometimes just thinking about it still gets to me 10 years later. 

But trust me things DO get better. It’s sounds cliche and right now you probably can’t imagine ever feeling better, but time will do its own silent work.

Just make sure you allow yourself time to grieve. Tears, anger, and even laughter are totally okay. And you have to take care of YOURSELF before you can take care of anyone else. It is awesome that you want to help your dad and uncle. (I have a mom with health problems so I am in the same boat). I like helping and want to help, but at the same time, I feel guilty that I’m getting married, buying a house and moving out, and starting my life. I worry about how she’ll get along once I’m “gone” and on my own.

But, things change, plain and simple. You can still live your life and pursue your goals (and even get married, whether it’s on your originally planned date or later). I’m sure your grandmother wouldn’t want you to put your life on hold because of her and I’m sure your dad and uncle don’t want you putting your life on hold for their sakes either. Again, you can still be close and helpful without sacrificing your wants and needs.

I also know what it’s like to worry about your loved ones dying. Like I said, my mom has had health problems since I was 5 years old. She’s almost died …. 4 times over the past 20 years. It’s scary and sometimes I worry A LOT. But I have to take 1 day at a time. Worrying about her dying isn’t going to change what may or may not happen. I just have to enjoy the time I have with her here and now and try not to worry about the future.

My fiance’s dad died suddenly when we first started dating so I always have that “what if” fear too. But again, I have to try to not worry my life away. (I hope I’m not sounding preachy. I know I can’t worry so much, but I have anxiety and some days are terrible with panic attack after panic attack and I get really angry at myself. But some days, I do really well. So believe me, I don’t have it all figured out. But I know how you feel).

I think the best advice I can give you is to take one day at a time and make sure you make time for yourself. You don’t have to know exactly who you are, what you want to do, etc. at this exact moment. If something strikes your interest, check it out and see what develops, whether it’s a hobby or a career. When you discover it, you’ll know!

Good luck and (hugs)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

First of all ((HUGS)) it’s so hard when you lose the older woman who raised you.  My mom passed away years ago, and my dad was devastated.  We are talking not functioning, I took over his sales business, and took over the house.  My older brother and his family moved in also.  I took over the things my mom had done, cleaning, laundry, running kids to soccer games etc.  That’s not who I was, I’m sure my mom didn’t want that for me until I had my own husband and family to take care of.  Darling Husband helped me see that I had sacrificed and the people around me, while they appreciated it, wanted me to have someone in my life that I could share things with and to LIVE.

My dad is 78 now, and I moved 15hours by car from him, I haven’t seen him since August and I do worry about him.  My brother passed away, and the kids have all grown up and moved away, but he’s starting to date again and trying to find a life for himself again.  It’s not my job to take care of him.  I worry, and Darling Husband will tell you I cried for 15 hours during our drive here, and the first month I was here.  My dad came for the wedding and I cried for two weeks after that.  I’m terrified of losing my dad, but I’m sure you’re dad doesn’t want you to put your life on hold to take care of him.  My Dad loves hearing about my new adventures, and we talk about every other day on the phone. 

I know the first reaction is to just put your life on hold, but that’s just fear.  Hang in there, think about things, give it some time, and talk to your Dad, don’t make assumptions about what he wants either. 

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