(Closed) Who brought up marriage first in your relationship?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who brought up marriage first in your relationship?

    I did

    SO did

    Other (explain below)

  • Post # 17
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I did, I asked him while I was drunk haha “Do you think we’ll get married one day?” He said “ummm I dont know, maybe” I was so upset but what I didnt know was that he was already making payments on my ring (which I got just less than a month later) he just really wanted to surprise me! It worked…..I was shocked to say the least!

    Post # 18
    Member
    3355 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    nobody really brought it up … but he did ask me after 2 months what my taste in rings was. marriage was not really seriously discussed until about 2+ years in

    Post # 19
    Member
    2183 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

    I’m not sure. It was pretty natural for us. We had been talking about it for years…

    Post # 20
    Bee
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

    He did. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was around the 4 year mark. It was really sweet… But then he didn’t actually propose for another year and a half!

    Post # 21
    Member
    3470 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    We talked a lot about it early in our relationship because SO had some serious reservations, and prior to meeting me had decided he didn’t ever plan to marry. 

    Mostly he watch his parents in a failed marriage for about 10 years before a very bitter divorce, because they stayed together “for the kids” which just meant their kids grew up in a sour household, and they got divorced when their youngest (my husband) was 16.   

    As a result, our first conversations were about how neither of us were looking for a commitment (I was only 18 when we met) and how he “never” wanted one.  A year later, I changed my whole life around (switched colleges, quit a good job, & moved 400 miles away) because it seemed like we had something that could last and I wasn’t ready to call it quits.  After another year or 2 together, we started gradually talking about plans after college; and we came to the realization that we both wanted to keep what we had, and we started talking about what we each wanted out of life.  I was honest, I told him that I wanted to get married and have a family; and he was just as honest back, he didn’t know if he wanted kids, but he knew he wanted to travel and “play” and that he viewed his degree as a way to pay for that.

    He has never really wanted children, and I don’t think that’s ever going to change, but his biggest concern wasn’t so much having them; as having them too early and not being able to afford them.  We both have very good jobs, and make an upper middle class living.  My husband loves me and wants to spend his life with me; as a result of that, he is willing to give me children because he knows it’s what I’ve always wanted out of life.  In return, I am ensuring our financial future so that when we have children he can still do the things he’s wanted to do with his life too.  

    Post # 22
    Member
    1542 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I voted “other” because i can’t really say for sure – it was a mutual feeling he just probed the words out of me first. lol

    About a week after we met (said “i love you” after 3 days…)..

    He kept like asking me all these questions about the future and where i saw us and what i think about and stuff like that and i kept trying to avoid the “M” word cus i didn’t wanna like scare him and then eventually i just sort of blurted out… “Ya want me to tell you I think about our wedding? Fine!”

    He just laughed and said well thats sort of what i meant when i said “forever”. The day before he wrote me a card on our “1 week” anniversary where he said we have that “forever kind of love”… He was right! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 23
    Member
    11266 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    he did.  i was surprised.  he mentioned something casually within weeks.  he started saying that he wants to marry me after about 2 months and then really proposed to me with ring at 3 months.

    Post # 24
    Member
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    He did, but I wasn’t as happy as previous posters seem to be ๐Ÿ˜› We were dating for like, 2 weeks (met in college) and he had gotten out of a 5 yr relationship about a year before. He had been talking to his ex (when they were together) about marriage and kids and the whole spiel, and they broke up on awful terms. He was above and beyond over her when we started dating, but the little seed of getting hitched had been planted. Plus, his best friend was getting married the summer we started dating. So he was talking about it right away. I had to have a “slow your roll” convo with him because I wasn’t as mentally prepared! haha

    Post # 25
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    It was me but it shouldn’t really count because we were still in highschool and just talking about our futur plans and timelines.  It kind of got brought up by both of us a few years later because our friends got married and we realised that we were going to end up together so we had “the talk” about timelines and came to agreement, I gave up a year and he gave up 3, oops.  But it works for us and now he is super excited to plan with me when the time comes ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 26
    Member
    898 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My Fi comes from a culture where they don’t date, so although he’d had girlfriends before, he’d never introduced any of them to his parents, and for all they knew he was a 30 year old virgin.  I totally get that, and I didn’t push for him to intro me to his parents at all.  But he mentioned once or twice that he would only introduce a girl to his parents when he was sure he was marrying her.

    However, a year into us dating, my mom (she lives in another state) planned a trip to come see me.  And then Fiance (them BF) said, do you think our parents should meet when your mom is here?  Um, I hadn’t even met his parents myself!  But I said okay, and that very weekend I met his parents, we had time to meet twice before my mom came and they all met each other.  That was New Years Eve of this past year.  And on Feb. 2, he proposed with a ring he’d already bought on his own.

    So it all happened super fast, actually.  I never even felt like I was in the “waiting” category.  like, I honestly thought….oh, well, I guess we’re serious because our parents are meeting each other.  Maybe we’ll get engaged this summer.  

    But instead, we got engaged only a month after our parents met…and I’m pretty sure it took him that month only because he had to research, buy the diamond, find the setting, and get it set before proposing.

    It was kind of awesome.

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Fiance did.  We were at at friend’s birthday party and both the friend and Fiance were very very drunk.  His friend said something to me, kind of hitting on me and Fiance overheard.  He walked up to his friend and started yelling at him and said “I”m going to marry that girl!”.  He didn’t remember saying it (or what happened) the next day.  But it was funny and cute.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2780 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I can’t remember who brought it up first, but then we’ve been discussing marriage and kids since early on. Neither of us saw any point in being together if we didn’t want the same things, rather then find out after a year or 2 in we didn’t want the same things in life. Early on was all in “maybe/what if” context,  that maybe eventually changed to when rather then if.

    Post # 29
    Member
    4304 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    He did, immediately.  I put him off for 2 years… I was definitely the one not ready.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee

    I honestly can’t remember. It must have been him though, because there’s no way I would have brought it up first out of fear of freaking him out. haha

    Post # 31
    Member
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    He did, about 3 months in. He has really strong feelings about marriage and making it work, and he doesn’t believe in divorce except in extreme circumstances.

    He basically laid all that out and wanted to know my feelings on it – I feel the same. He was very relieved and happy that I took it as seriously as he did and we discussed that we would like to move towards that direction. After that we were… dating towards marriage? I don’t even know what you call that. I wasn’t waiting then at any rate, but we were both very sure.

    It sounds way more serious than it was, it was just very honest and forthright. After that we were both very comfortable discussing our timeline for marriage.

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