(Closed) Who Brought Up the Money Convo?

posted 9 years ago in Money
  • poll: How was the conversation started?

    FI and I asked parents

    Parents offered to help us

    We paid it all ourselves

    Other (explain)

  • Post # 32
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I actually flat out sat down with my mom & asked her if the parental units wanted to help with the wedding only because we have talked about it in the past too many times joking but never serious.  (Otherwise never would have mentioned anything!)

    She was happy i asked too because she was like “BABY, We are paying for the whole thing.” lol I was actually really shocked i was thinking maybe they would want to buy the cake or my dress but not the full thing! lol 


    So it was a greatful moment to say the least! :)) I guess it does help to be the only child huh? lol

    Post # 33
    1298 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    My mother has offered several times, to give us money or to pay for my dress. We’re having a really small wedding though (total budget less than $5000, including flights for my daughter and I to get down there) and I don’t think either of us feel comfortable letting our parents contribute a significant portion of the budget when they will have to pay to travel and for accommodation since my SO’s home isn’t large enough for them to stay. I think his mom has also made an offer to him (she’s never discussed the wedding with me at all), and we know his dad/step mom cannot afford to help financially which is absolutely fine. We would of course be delighted with any kind of financial assistance our parents decide to give us, but we’re planning using our own money that we have and letting them decide when and how much they choose to give – neither of us would feel comfortable asking for money (or in my case, since my parents have just made general comments, asking how much).

    Post # 34
    7555 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    My parents offered but we politely declined their offer and told them it would make us happier if they used the money for a holiday for themselves instead.

    Post # 35
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We told my parents the general parameters of our reception plan (number of people, style, location, timeline) and asked them to send us a first draft of a guest list and to let us know if they were planning to contribute and, if so, in what way so that we could budget accordingly.  My mom replied immediately with a guest list and totally ignored the other half of my question.  A month later I was ready to send save-the-dates.  I told them that I would send save-the-dates to a small subset of their list — the people I would have invited if the list were up to me –if they didn’t answer my other question.  So, they said they would pay pro rata for their share of the guests.  Awkward, but whatever.

    At the wedding, they gave us a gift in the form of a check.  After the wedding, I totaled everything up and sent them a “bill”.  I did not “charge” them for expenses that I felt were inappropriate, e.g., my dress.  They apparently expected a higher number so they threw in more gift money when they gave us a check.  So, the whole thing was weird.

    My husband worked something out with his mom.  I am not sure how the conversation went down because they have an antagonizing relationship and I try to stay out of it.  Between our parents’ contributions and cash gifts, we probably wound up paying for about half of our wedding.

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