Post # 1
So, its beginning to look like I’m not getting a shower.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is “trying” to plan something, but she doesn’t really know anyone in my family & I have not been able to get anyone intouch with her.
I get an email today asking if I can have the shower at MY PLACE! NO. I am the bride -I cannot host my own shower. Plus, I am not cleaning my house and freaking out for a week over where to put the cats for my own shower. Sorry.
i’m pretty sure my mom can’t host it either.
BUT what are the rules?
Post # 3
Anyone can host it. It doesn’t matter if they don’t know anyone– you just need to give them a list of names and addresses to invite!
yes, that would be weird for it to be at your place, but if you’re not technically hosting it, then I think it’s technically fine. (But, given that you were asked rather than offering your place…I suspect you would get roped in to doing more!)
Do you mean your mom can’t like is not physically able to? Or you just don’t think she is allowed to? She certainly is, and that would be quite appropriate in fact.
Post # 4
Ettiquette says not the bride or the brides family (I believe)
HOWEVER, like many other traditions and ettiquette pieces, that can vary based on circle of friends and region as well as circumstances. Since people now expect a shower, if mom or Maid/Matron of Honor who happens to be a sister or the entire wedding party throws it I dont know anyone who would think twice about it.
Its only rude when the people perceive it as such. If they expect it to be thrown and don’t care if Mom or sister throws it, then its not rude to those in attendance.
I think finding another place other than your own is best. If for no other reason than you will be stressed about a party you should be enjoying.
Post # 5
I think the brides parents aren’t supposed to (although I’ve heard that they do, and I don’t see a problem with it).
I’m kind of glad you asked this, I thought it was mainly a bridesmaid thing, but apparently an almost sister in law is planning mine? Which surprised me because I think my bridesmaids are planning something too, so I’m in a pickle…
I think, though, it can be anyone who wants to as long as they’re invited to the wedding and they aren’t “immediate” family (although, again, I still don’t think there’s a huge problem if that happens).
Post # 6
Etiquette does state that neither the bride, nor the mother of the bride can host the shower. However, we’re having our jack n jill at our house. Do I consider myself to be hosting? Absolutely not. I’m not putting any money or effort towards the shower, just offering a convenient place to have it. My BM’s are doing all the work. We know another couple who did their shower this way, as well. No one thought less of them.
Post # 6
I feel like just b/c it’s at your house, doesn’t mean you’re hosting it. If your Maid/Matron of Honor is doing the work, that should be fine. But I understand why you wouldn’t want to do that. I also think it’s fine for your mom to host it. Traditionally they say it’s not ok, but times are changing.
My mom hosted mine unofficially. She paid for it and my sister and SIL (bridesmaids) put it all together.
Post # 7
Etiquette indicates that the shower “shouldn’t” be hosted by the bride’s family but…I know tons of ladies whose family have hosted and no one was put off by the idea. My mom hosted a shower for me, as did my future mother-in-law, and it was a GREAT time. I think that is an etiquette rule that is quickly going out of style!
Post # 8
oh, wow, I had no idea that you’re mom isn’t techincally supposed to host it. Is there a reason that your mom and Maid/Matron of Honor can’t work together to host it?
Post # 9
Another option is to have it at your mom’s house and have your Maid/Matron of Honor “host” in name only. 🙂
Post # 10
@red_rose: I think the etiquette rule is that it looks like a money grab if your mom does it? Although, I think that’s silly.
I personally don’t see any issues if they combine their efforts!
Post # 11
i wouldnt worry… my mom and aunts hosted mine and i dont see a problem with that at all!
Post # 12
I don’t know what strict etiquette would insist upon, but as far as I’ve ever heard the host/hostess should not be the bride or bride’s mother. As for the location, however, as long as someone else is the actual hostess, I think it is generally fine to have the shower anywhere, including the bride’s mother’s home. In that case, offering her home as the location for the shower is more considered a gift from the mother of the bride. Just from a practical stand point, the shower should not be held at the bride’s home, even with another hostess. As the bride, you are busy and probably have your house full of things for the wedding. And, you should not be expected to clean or prepare for a shower being thrown for you. I think you should keep trying to get your MOH in touch with a female relative of yours who can help her out with the details. I think it would be fine for your mother to help her with information, as long as she doesn’t become a co-hostess.
Post # 13
I’ve read on wedding boards and in magazines that he Mother of the Bride does not host the shower, but for the past 6 showers for friends and family I’ve attended, the mother was the host. I honestly can’t see why a sister or mother shouldn’t host a party especilly if the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves.
I see a shower as a courtesy. It is never expected but if a family member or a friend is excited and wants to throw one as a kindness, then it’s acceptable. At least that seems to be the trend here in Metro Detoit.