(Closed) who comes first? him or her?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m doing postcards too!  Haha!  STD twin!!  My rules for mine are:

Married: His + Her + Last

Engaged: Hers (Maiden) + His Last

Not married, not engaged: I put whoever was our "primary" guest.  If we know them both equally, we sent 2 postcards.  If that’s not an option, my default is Hers first then His.  Mostly because that indicates (generally) that a couple isn’t yet married.

If they don’t live together: We put a special note saying "So n So" is invited.

I’m not an expert, that’s just how we did ours.  Hope it helps!!

Post # 4
19 posts
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve always heard that for married couples it should be Her First + His First + Their Last because the man’s name should never be separated from his last name.

Post # 5
36 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

We did pretty much what MS did. Married: His + Her + Last, Dating/engaged (and we know that will be their date for the wedding) His name + Her name. For our single friends we just sent out Save-The-Date Cards with their name on them. We’ll make it clear they can bring a date with the invite where they have space on the RSVP for a date. We figured this was just a heads up and didn’t need to go into all the specifics, although my cousin (who has to make hotel reservations) did call and ask if she could bring a date, or if she should book a room with her sister. Hope that helps!

 meg1223 – I’ve never actually heard of that but it makes sense. I think I just got my naming system from how they always say "Mr. & Mrs. Robert Dougenheimmen" and just added in the first names from that format?  

Post # 6
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

If there are two people you are inviting on the same invitation of "equal weight" then I think you are supposed to alphabetize the names.

Post # 7
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

We did our invites to married couples the "old fashioned" way:

Mr. & Mrs. John Smith

 Then for unmarried couples (living together)  the woman first and the man second. 

We didn’t allow any +1 so if we knew both well and they did not live together we sent them each their own invitation. 

Post # 8
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

If I knew both members of the couple equally well or didn’t know them at all (ie my inlaws friends) I put the man first.

If I was friends with the woman and was inviting her date/FI/husband I put her first.

Post # 9
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Meg1223 is correct about what’s technically "proper."  The man’s first and last names are never supposed to be separated.  The "Mr. and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast" seems like an exception, but it really isn’t because his names are still written together.  A woman’s name would never be properly written out anyway, unless she was unmarried or divorced.

That said, the technically proper way drives me crazy and I’m wilfully breaking the rules on my save-the-dates.  If I know one half of the couple better, that person goes first.  If I know them equally well, I’m writing the names however I usually say them in everyday life (you know how some names just flow better in one order than the other?).  I’m only using titles and "proper format" if I know that the invitee(s) will be offended if I don’t.

I still haven’t decided what to do on the invitations…the "proper format" goes against all my principles of equality, but I do want to maintain some level of formality.  I guess I’ll figure it out by the time I actually send them!

Post # 10
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You win the "Best Board Title Award"!

I’ve been doing what Mighty Sapphire’s doing. If they are engaged or dating but not living together, and we only know one of them, I’m putting the primary guest’s name on the first line and the SO’s on the second to indicate that he/she is invited, but acknowledge they’re not living together. 

The topic ‘who comes first? him or her?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors