Post # 1
I am my friend’s Maid/Matron of Honor, and I am throwing her bridal shower and bacheloretty party. Her mom has offered to contribute to one/both, but should I let her? I know that the mom isn’t supposed to be involved with throwing the shower b/c it’s like they are asking for gifts for their daughter. Is this OK?
Post # 3
The notion that the family can’t help throw the shower is officially outdated, according to Miss Manners. So it’s ok for the mom to throw the shower herself, if she wants to! In any case, if you’re planning it, she can still contribute financially if she wants to. If you’re worried about the old etiquette, just don’t name her as a hostess! 🙂
For the shower, guests shouldn’t pay for anything themselves (except for the gift.) If you’d like help paying for it, you can ask the BM’s if they’d like to help out. BUT, this also requires that you plan within THEIR budget, or plan to contribute any excess money beyond what they offer kick in yourself. (For example, you can’t throw an extravagant shower and then send each Bridesmaid or Best Man a $300+ bill.)
For the bachelorette, the bride’s way should be covered. It’s OK to ask the guests to chip in for overnight accomodations, meals, etc. BUT, you are responsible for paying for any entertainment (like a stripper), the bride’s costume, the brides expenses, etc would be covered by those planning. Again, if you want others to help you out, you have to work within their budget or cover the balance.
I’ve also seen bachelorettes where the Maid/Matron of Honor puts together a budget for the ALL INCLUSIVE party (except drinks at bars) and then invites guests and lets them know what the costs will be. If you’re super Type A, that is almost preferable, because guests know exactly what they’re getting into.
Post # 4
@sonj818: I agree with everything you said. 🙂
I think if the mom wants to help with one, I would definitely let her! Probably for the shower, though, not the bachelorette. If the other BMs want to help out, too, I’d talk to them either about specific dollar amounts or contributing certain items. For example, all the showers I’ve helped host, the BMs individually brought things. One person brought wine, one brought dessert, another prizes for games, another decorations, etc. It allowed everyone to contribute in a way they financially could, and not end up with a $300 bill at the end of the day.