(Closed) Who controls sex in your relationship ??

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Who is on control ?
    Me : (24 votes)
    24 %
    Him : (21 votes)
    21 %
    Both : (55 votes)
    55 %
  • Post # 3
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    Umm, neither of us are “in control” with sex. And honestly, I’d think twice about anyone who used sex as a manipultation tool in a relationship. I hope you’ve worded your OP poorly, and you don’t mean it the way it sounds………

    Post # 4
    2232 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Wonderwoman217:  I agree. Sex shouldn’t be used to manipulate each other.


    Post # 6
    1543 posts
    Bumble bee

    @catracha:  I think just the word “control” has a bad connotation when speaking in the context of a relationship.

    If what you’re trying to say is that even when you’re mad at your husband, you still feel like having sex with him, but he doesn’t want to have sex with you if he’s mad at you, then that’s normal, and has nothing to do with control. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who I was mad at, either. You apparently are just able to separate the two, and that’s great if it works for you, but obviously it doesn’t work for your husband.

    I think a more appropriate way to convey what you mean is that you have a higher sex drive than your husband. But, if you feel that he’s giving you a “time out” with sex, then that to me, speaks more about the dynamics in the other aspects of your relationship. Is he doing it out of spite, because he knows refusing you will make you upset, or is he simply refusing because he honestly just doesn’t feel like sex with you when he’s upset?

    Post # 8
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    He is, because he never wants it and I always do but I’d never force him.

    Post # 10
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    He is.   I never really want to have sex when I’m mad at him, but he doesn’t care.  He has this really annoying way of making me laugh, and then eventually seducing me. I hate it!  

    Post # 11
    3451 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    He is in control most of the time.  We like it that way.  Sometimes, we switch roles and I take the lead.

    Post # 12
    189 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t think she’s saying he uses sex manipulatively.  She said she still likes to have sex when they’re mad at eachother and he doesn’t.  That’s not manipulation and it’s perfectly understandable.  I’m not in the sexiest, most loving mood when Fiance and I are fighting. 

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