- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
I am planning a winter wedding for 2015, and have a huge bridesmaid dilemma- I don’t have any!
My older sister (I am 25, she is 31) has already claimed the Maid/Matron of Honor title- naturally. However, I don’t feel this is the best role for my sister as Ive always envisioned a Maid/Matron of Honor as the best friend type:Someone who happily goes through bridal magazines, websites,and design books with you and attends all the cake tastings and vendor meetings. Really just someone helpful who can keep me laughing through all the stressful planning and take the initiative to get the other maids on board with projects, dress fittings and any pre-wedding festivities.
That being said, my sister doesnt fit that description. We are close but not very close. And she is not the dependable type. She is forgetful, unorganized and more often than not, she doesnt follow through on her commitments. Also, she has 3 kids aged 2.5, 4, and 11 but no job or vehicle. As a Maid/Matron of Honor, she will be expected to do a little more of the projects with me, like arranging florals and completing DIY decor for the reception and ceremony sites which means she will need to be kid free at times to avoid any mishaps with glue guns or the floral pieces.
She will also have a hard time getting around to complete wedding related errands, scout locations or make vendor meetings without relying on someone else for transportation. And more importantly, I will either have to cover her dress or ask my parents to do so.
The dress wouldnt be a problem, but my budget is limited and I plan to have 4 maids whose hair and make up I will pay for, as well as providing them robes to get ready in and gifts as well! This all comes out of my own bridal beauty budget. And I also dont want the other maids to find out I bought her dress and expect I do the same for them. However the dresses I love are only $60.
The other girl I plan to ask is my brothers girlfriend, who is also my nieces mom. Her and I are not the closest, and we have fought many times in the past, but she is my family. I want to include her because I feel it would be a strong gesture and unexpected to her. And also because I feel she would enjoy it. She is a lot more quiet and reserved, but I feel she would do well as a maid as she is pretty reliable about helping out and I think she would be delighted to hang out with me as a friend/sister for once and not just my brothers girlfriend.
I have a long time family friend who I also regard as a sister and I would LOVE for her to accept my invitation to be in my wedding! However, she works full time and is a single mom to 3 kids and I am scared she will have to turn down the offer. I know the feeling is mutual and she would be delighted to stand with me, however, I am not sure she would have as much time to commit to being a hands on maid. Which I would not mind so much as I am a very hands on type and bit of a control freak so I will be doing most of the foot work myself- but I know she is the type who would feel like she isnt contributing enough or is missing out on all the get togethers and would either decline or step down. But I guess I could always ask and see what she says.
So my dilemma is I really don’t have a 4th maid right now. I only have two female cousins and I would not dare ask one over the other. To be honest, I wouldnt want either for bridesmaids. I know that sounds harsh but I am planning an entire DIY wedding, including the catering so I need as much help from my maids on the more fun and design type projects so I can focus on the not so fun ones to pull my wedding off. And I dont have room for any flakes.
Have any of you asked casual friends to be maids just to fill the spot? Did it work out? Also did you have any maids surprise you? Maybe you thought they’d be helpful but werent, or you thought they would flake but really they helped keep you sane?
I dont mean to sound rude or ungrateful with my maid selection, I just would like to have a fun group of girls who are willing and able to meet a couple times for wine at a “decoration creation” party to help with my pieces, and would be willing to get together without me to complete other wedding related tasks or help out when called upon.
Also I would love to have a group shopping trip to pick out dresses and shoes- however I did find some online that Im pretty certain I want them to wear. I just want to have a great group of maids. I just need to know who I should/shouldnt ask as far as co workers, classmates or casual friends. Should it be close family and friends only??
Im so lost!