(Closed) who could be my bridesmaids?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

lololovely:  First off, I think you need to drastically lower your expectations. That’s how the bride/moh/maid relationship is in movies, but not real life. In reality you and your Fiance will be doing the work yourself with random times where people can help. Everyone has their own lives, and it’s unreasonable to expect them to revolve their lives around your wedding.

Pick the people you are close to, not people to ‘fill spots’. These will be the ladies who will be with you on your big day and in all your pictures. You don’t want some rando there taking up space.

Ask your friends and family who mean something to you, kids and all! People will be happy for you and help when they can, but don’t expect any of your maids to be running errands for you or scouting vendors or venues, you’ll only be disappointed.

Online for dresses and accesories is a great idea! That’s what we’re doing for our wedding, with everyones busy schedules it was impossible to all go to a salon to pick out dresses so my girls picked them online and we decided that way.

Post # 4
1229 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you are setting yourself up for a big disappointment right now.  Your current list of potential bridesmaids are 1) Someone who is unreliable 2) Someone you’ve frequently fought with and 3) A single mom of 3 kids and you want to add 4) A casual friend.

These big expectations are going to cause big disappointments down the road, and have the potential to derail what should be a very happy and positive time in your life.  Just one example: bridesmaids don’t usually attend vendor meetings.  You do that with your fiance, and possibly invite a parent if they are paying.  Please consider the option of just having your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor.  Don’t let a silly thing like bridesmaids (or a 60$ dress, or DIY crafts) spoil your wedding planning or your wedding.    

Post # 6
65 posts
Worker bee

If you’re looking for a Maid/Matron of Honor to do all of those things, you’ll never be happy…

I’m planning on asking at least one ‘casual’ friend to be a part of my wedding. She’s someone I really love spending time with, but I very rarely get to spend time with her and if I’m honest she definitely would be surprised to be asked to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man – but I think she would just be a great person to have around for my wedding.  I don’t think it just needs to be close friends and family, it is about who you want around you.

Post # 7
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

lololovely:  That was my feelings too with my DIY wedding. It’s in January, I’ve done everything myself, and planned it all myself. My maids are usually pretty good to listen to my ideas and help talk me through some things, but every project I’ve done on my own. Fiance isn’t into planning either, granted he has helped with a couple of the vendor calls as I’m more of a push-over when it comes to cost and he likes to haggle.

At first I was super upset that my wedding wasn’t a huge deal to everyone and people weren’t lining up to help. Then I realized that no one will ever be as excited as I am about my wedding. I’m not trying to be pessimistic or mean, it’s a realistic outlook so you don’t get depressed with planning solo like so many of us brides do. Good luck girl, if you’re organized, which it seems like you are, you’ll do great and your wedding will be beautiful! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lololovely:  Sorry, no, you can’t expect an Maid/Matron of Honor to do work. I mean, some MOHs will, but you can’t demand it.

You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned your fiance. If you want wedding help, then first and foremost it should be him.

I strongly urge you to have your sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, and to have low expectations of what she’ll do. Who do you want standing next to you in the photos when you look back in 20 years’ time: your sister (along with your virtual sister-in-law, and your best friend), or a casual friend who helped with the wedding?

Post # 10
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - The Admiral Kidd Club

I am kind of in the same boat as you as far having a small selection of female acquaintainces to choose from. I am an only child, my Boyfriend or Best Friend is also an only child, and all my cousins are kids or pre-teens. I have one close girlfriend and another friend who I have been roommates with for a long time but she’s a total tomboy and knows nothing about weddings nor would ever wear a dress. I even considered having my mother as my MOH! My close girlfriend and I have talked about this before – neither of us are going to have a “group” of bridesmaids/no bridesmaids at all. However this doesn’t mean we don’t have good friends that will help plan, make decisions, etc! The wedding is about the couple and the love between and around them – not a photograph with a balanced number of people wearing coordinating outfits.

Post # 12
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

lololovely:  you really need to reset your expectations. You and your Fi get to do the work. It is your weddiNg. No one owes you any work, regardless of their title. If someone offers their help, by all means accept, but no one should be meeting with the vendors or tasting cakes but you and your Fi. You may have a busy life, but guess what? Everyone else does too. If you need a high level of planning help, then hire a planner. If you have to “drag” your MoH somewhere then it means she is not willing to help with that task, and you are crossing a line big time. And planning to dump your DIY decor projects on your bridesmaids is beyond pushy. No, no, no. They are not your servants or hired help.

Post # 13
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you are still setting expectations too high. Your sister should be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Don’t think though that because she wants to be a part of it you are entitled to her rearranging her life just because your Fiance is out of town. Also, you are busy but it is your wedding. You being busy doesn’t entitle you to help, we are all busy.

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