Post # 1
I am newly engaged and super excited to start planning! Our wedding will be around 120-140 people and will be next summer. I am struggling with who to ask to be a bridesmaid please help/ offer any advice!
So my options are:
SIL – I wasn’t one of her bridesmaids and she lives far away but family is family?
childhood friend – lives far away she got married a year ago and I wasn’t one of her bridesmaids (she only had two) we speak a lot and are close but the distance is making me think twice…it might be a huge hassle/expense for her to be involved and I don’t want to burden her.
New friend – lives really close we talk almost every day and she was the first person I told I was engaged (after family) we’ve only been close for about a year would it be weird?
middle distance friend 1 – was there for me in a difficult time we talk a lot lives a couple of hours away we’ve stayed with them a lot over the last few years. I count her as a really close friend. She has been a bridesmaid a lot recently and worried she would rather come as a guest.
Middle distance friend 2 – has been an amazing friend/mentor over the last few years stayed with her lots and has been amazingly kind and supportive. Her and other middle distance friend are in the same group have been friends with middle distance friend 1 for longer.
I am definitely asking my sister she will be my maid of honour.
My mom has said she thinks over 3 is “excessive” what do you guys think? My partner is thinking of having 5/6 groomsmen but says he is flexible if I want them to match!
Thanks for reading!!!
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
I had a hard time choosing my bridal party too. I would go with your sister, and middle distance friend 1 & 2, as well as your new friend. From what I read, those are the people you are closest with to this day, so it makes the most sense to want them around you on your day!
Post # 3
Just pick the people you are closest to now, whether that is one or 15. I also asked one of my newer friends to be in our wedding, and she did not think it was weird at all (she now refers to me as her best friend). No need to have matching sides either! As for you friend who has been in a lot of weddings lately – I totally feel her, I have been too, and one was a total ‘zilla that I complained endlessly about. Though I’m very glad to be getting a break from being a bridesmaid at the moment, I would still happily be a bridesmaid for a close friend if asked.
Post # 4
I didn’t have a bridal party at all, and that is very common in my circle. I consider myself to be an older bride, I was 28 when I got married, and it just didn’t seem relevant. My closest girlfriends still helped me set up, we still went out for dinner and drinks a couple nights before hand, but none of us needed the “bridesmaid” title to help our friends out!! Also, my husband and I wanted to be the only ones standing up while getting married. I know I am 100% in the minority, I just don’t get bridesmaids; on this forum especially, it always seems to cause nothing but drama and hurt feelings!
Post # 5
Pick the people you are closest to and want there. I think you’re overthinking this. Just because they are family isn’t a good reason to pick them, and only having known them a short length of time isn’t a reason not to.
3 is not excessive, and even if you had picked an ‘excessive’ number, it’s not your mum’s place to judge what that is. I’m having 8, which people like to make comments about, but quite frankly if their issue is that I have too many close friends, then I can live with that.
In terms of your childhood friend who lives a long way away, that is why you ask if someone wants to be a bridesmaid, rather than telling them they are a bridesmaid. Let her decide if she wants to do it, rather than deciding for her that it’s a burden. She’s free to say no if she thinks it might be.
From what you’ve said, I would ask all of them except your sister in law.
Post # 6
Thanks everyone – it’s helpful just to hear other people’s perspectives! I am just so worried about offending people. I think there are people beyond this list who are going to be upset as well which worries me!
Post # 7
I also don’t think having a matching number of bridesmaids and groomsmen is that big of a deal. I’m having 5 bridesmaids and my fiance is having 3 groomsmen. Photos and such will look nice no matter what.