(Closed) Who do I back? Mother or FI?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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smudgie :  It is HIS wedding and YOUR wedding.  Not your mom’s.

Post # 3
2239 posts
Buzzing bee

Your fiancé, of course.

This is his wedding. He gets to decide, and that’s that. Your dad will be wearing the suit for a few hours — he’ll live, and so will your mom. 

Post # 5
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I don’t understand why he has to choose your dads suit?! Umm, let your dad wear whatever he wants to wear! Are you choosing your mothers dress too? How strange!

Post # 6
2008 posts
Buzzing bee

Ordinarily I would say back your Fiance 100% however it’s a bit weird that your dad’s suit is the issue here. Why are you guys even picking what he’s wearing? He’s an adult, let him choose himself. Unless he is a groomsman I don’t understand any of this.

Post # 9
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
smudgie :  Fiancé, and no mistake. 

It will also have benefits in the future if she is (politely) reminded of of her place, she needs to learn that you will always be her daughter, but that you and your husband are no longer children. 

Post # 10
10 posts

It’s you and your fiancé’s wedding, not your mother’s or your father’s. They are adults. I’m sure they can handle wearing something they aren’t 100% thrilled about for one day.

Post # 11
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
smudgie :  

Not same as the bridesmaids who are formally members of the wedding party . FOB is just doing the aisle walking thing and has only  to be more or less  at the same level of formality  as the wedding party men. 

Hard to do , but if you can just  get your mum to back off……

Post # 12
2120 posts
Buzzing bee

Echoing PPs that yes, you should side with your fiancé, but you also shouldn’t be telling your dad what to wear. There is no reason for him to coordinate with anyone but your mum, should he choose to. 

Why not just tell dad to sort his own suit and be done with the drama? Some rocks and hard-places aren’t worth putting yourself between, bee. 

Post # 13
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Agree with PP. I’ve never seen a FOB match the groomsmen and groom.

Post # 14
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t know how this was even a question. Of course you should be backing the man you’re marrying – especially over something about his wedding.

If you want to reduce the drama just tell your parents your dad can wear a suit of his choosing. He has a role of honor walking you down the aisle, but he is not part of the bridal party and does not have to match the others. We gave my dad and Father-In-Law the choice of wearing the same rented suit or one of their own and it worked out just fine.

Post # 15
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Maybe it would help to hear the problem… is it the colour of the suit? The cut? The type of suit (maybe she doesn’t like him in top hat and tails). As he’s not a groomsman, he doesn’t have to match the other guys exactly (just as Maid/Matron of Honor could wear a different dress colour from bridesmaids).  

Maybe he could get the same suit, but in a slightly different shade, to show he’s different from the groomsmen, but he’s still part of the wedding party. 

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