(Closed) Who do you love more? Spouse or child?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Who do you love more?
    Spouse : (45 votes)
    33 %
    Kid(s) : (56 votes)
    41 %
    They are equal : (37 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    2251 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    mrsginger :  that’s exactly my thoughts. Husband first, simply because if we have no love between ourselves how can our children be content? Children are happy and healthy only  when their parents have happy and healthy marriage/relationship.

    Post # 33
    Member
    6510 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    tagerosan :  “Children are happy and healthy only  when their parents have happy and healthy marriage/relationship.”

    I would wager a guess that a lot of divorced parents might take issue with this. Are you saying that the children of divorced parents can never be happy and healthy because their parents broke up? 

    Post # 34
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I love my toddler more, and I’m not ashamed of it. A lot of these comments say that the parents need love in order to be good co-parents, but loving my son more doesn’t mean my fiancé and I aren’t in love and crazy about each other. The way I look at it is, I could live without my fiancé, but I couldn’t live without my son. If my fiancé ever decided to leave me and never come back (we have a great relationship so it’s unlikely, but hypothetically) I would be fine eventually. If my son ran away and never came back I don’t think I could live without him. My love for him is so unconditional and unwavering, it blows me away every day. He’s only 2, but I’ve never felt a love like this in my life. I would give him everything I have and do anything for him. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    2553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    That’s like asking what you like more, pizza or cheesecake.  It’s just different.  I love them both in such different ways that it’s impossible to rank them.  Should clarify that equating my husband and children to pizza and cheesecake is a very high compliment coming from me.

    That said, if someone whips out a gun and I have to step in front of either my husband or my children of course I choose my children.  DH knows this, we have a plan should something happen in public and we need to jump on top of them to protect them.  Their safety is paramount to us but as far as love goes we place both those relationships at equal levels of importance.  It’s not as if there’s a limit to how much love you have to give.

    Post # 36
    Member
    9818 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I do love them both but I think I would be more devastated to lose a child.  But I don’t have unconditional love for my Darling Husband (so if he were to be abusive or cheating or something I would leave and no longer love him) but I do for my child.  Right now my child is so little that I often have to prioritize her over others but I don’t do that 100% of the time, if that makes sense.  If I had to choose one to save, I would choose my child and I hope my Darling Husband would do the same.

    Post # 37
    Member
    511 posts
    Busy bee

    I think i would probably choose a young child over my partner, but i would definately chose my partner over a teenage or adult child. Depends on the age of the child and how difficult he/is is. However, with divorce rates increasing, i would think more people choose their children over their spouse. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    1919 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    mrsginger :  + 100!!! I just want to high five and hug you! Perfectly stated!

    Post # 39
    Member
    4231 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

    I’m pregnant with my first, and I can already tell I will love my child more. I mean, I will always make maintaining my marriage a priority. That being said the love I already feel for my unborn child is an unconditional type of love that feel so much stronger than the ‘romantic’ type of love I feel for Darling Husband. If I were ever in a position where I had to choose between my Darling Husband and child I would choose my child.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    My children always come first.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2412 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    mrsginger :  I completely agree. We have a 2 week old boy now so still really really early days but have talked about our relationship and putting that first – that way our children will be in a home full of love and happiness and with parents who care and love each other. Of course that doesn’t mean that our children will go without love or affection or the things they need. It just means that we will nurture our relationship by having date nights, still be affectionate, take time for our marriage too. Nicole Kidman and Keith urban have the same philosophy which is where I got it from and for me it makes sense 🙂 🙂

    Post # 42
    Member
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m confused by a lot of these answers. You can nurture your relationship with your spouse AND be a kickass parent at the same time. People know this right? 

    I agree with those that said their love with their spouse is conditional (infedelity, lying, etc) and their love for their children is unconditional. The love I feel for my Darling Husband is no doubt very strong and romantic but the love I feel for my boys goes beyond that and is love in the rawest, primal sense of the word. I will die for my kids without blinking. It’s not even a choice for me, it just is. If I had to lose either my child or my husband then my husband is gone and he feels the same way vice versa. 

    I find it bizarre to think anyone would answer that they would choose their husband in that situation but whatever. I also want to echo the poster who said all the childless women answering this question really don’t have a solid understanding of the question they are answering, you just don’t know until you have kids.

    Post # 43
    Member
    2014 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I watched a documentary once where a husband had to decide between saving his wife’s life or his child’s. He chose his wife. His justification was that they could always have more children, but he could never find a woman like her again. He also said that once the kids are older, they will leave home and lead their own lives. He much preferred having her by his side forever than having the child there for just 20 years or so.

    It’s interesting when you think of it that way.

    Post # 44
    Member
    4426 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Sukii :  That is actually interesting. Personally though, I would never forgive Darling Husband if he chose me over our son. He could eventually overcome losing me (as could I if it was him), but neither of us could recover from losing our son. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    1078 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Sukii :  Was this like an unborn fetus or was this an actual child?

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