- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2017
in the same way
in the same way
too entirely different types of love and honestly cant be compaired
Apple_Blossom : Sorry, my comment was not directed solely at you — you just happened to be the latest of several posters to talk about the biological imperative to care for a child. And no, I am not ignoring the role of biology — notice I used the word “primal” 😉 I don’t disagree that this instinct exists, or that it exists to preserve the species. (Scientist, after all.)
But you were like the third person to talk about genes / flesh and blood / DNA and I got a little exasperated (apologies). My brother is my flesh and blood but I would pull my husband out of a burning building first. If we really want to talk about biology then arguably the more important biological process is the hormonal pair bonding that happens between parent and child, since we have no sensory way of telling who is carrying our genes. Again, from an evolutionary perspective this process exists *because* the species is trying to endure, but to talk about this love in terms of “I am biologically related to my child but not my spouse,” as many here have done, is kind of insensitive to adoptive parents because it begs the question, are nonbiological mothers less loving?
End tangent. I think you and I are actually on the same page, I just did not like the implications of several posts 🙂
brlabrat : I don’t think it’s so much that a mother and child are biologically related that causes such an extreme protective instinct. I imagine those who have children by way of adoption and surrogacy (even not biological) feel this instinct with the exact same intensity. I don’t think that’s comparable to a sibling. But I am NOT a scientist and I have no idea of the exact ways that biology directly affects behavior. It just seems to me that this protective instinct can be felt by anyone who is in the role of mother/father/protector so it must not have anything to do with biology?
I don’t have any children yet, but the way I grew up and the way I *believe* I will feel once I do have kids, spouse comes first. My love for my children will be completely different than my husband, and the love will be equal, but my husband will come first. I feel this way because my children will eventually grow up and leave us and put their spouse above us, where our love and marriage is supposed to last forever. I was never affected in a bad way by my parents putting each other first, it taught me so much about relationships and marriage! Marriage is work, a LOT of work…. and so is raising a child, but that is a different kind of work. My love for my husband and children will be unconditional. But for now, my husband and I both agree… spouse first. I guess that could change once we actually do have children though! We shall see. 🙂
futuremrs1617 : I agree that spouse needs to come first. It’s actually in the best interest of everyone in the family that the needs of the marriage supersede the needs of the children. That being said, I still love my daughter more than my husband. I agree with all previous posters that it’s two different types of love, but my love for her is much greater. I don’t think people who don’t feel this way are wrong or lesser parents, or that my love for my husband is lacking. This is just how it is for me.
GrannyPantiesRock : That makes sense, I can’t relate to the love for children because as I said… I don’t have any yet. 🙂 But I like how you put that! I feel like my love will be different but equal, but what you said definitely makes sense and I won’t know until I have a child! Lol.
We will never understand the intensity of somebody’s love for anyone because we cannot feel what that person does. We feel what we feel for our spouse or child love, hate, like and to some degree it doesn’t really matter if they are your child or not, it’s the feeling you have for a person right, because it’s not a blood thing.
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