(Closed) Who do you love more your husband or kids

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who do you love more

    Husband

    Kids

    Equally but differently

  • Post # 47
    Member
    9679 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @Bebealways:  +1. That would be a nightmare. You need to carve out time for yourselves and not let your relationship fall by the wayside. Otherwise when the kids move out (and even this generation eventually will, right?), your husband will be a stranger and you will have a relationship that you didn’t bother to nurture. I will not let that happen, that’s my promise.

    Post # 48
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2007

    I am of the belief that your husband should always come before your children. Not because you love your children less, or your husband more, but because your husband is your support system. You are both on a united front. It could very well be different types of love, though- so not always loving one ‘more’ than another.

     

    I don’t have children though (we are CBC), so my opinion is biased towards DH.

     

    Post # 49
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Your husband may not always be your husband, but your children will always be your children.

    The radio was talking about this the other day, and in general, women tend to love their kids more, and husbands tend to love their wives more.  The guys called in and basically said that they love their kids because they love their wives, so if there never was any love for their wife, its harder to love their kids.  This is one of the reasons why men typically feel nothing for children born out of one night stands and a lot of them have no trouble loving their step children.   Women on the other hand, love their children regardless and often have a slightly more difficult time loving their step children than men do.

    Post # 50
    Member
    1285 posts
    Bumble bee

    There are indeed different levels of love for children vs an FI/Husband.

    I’m madly, deeply in love with my Fiance. I love him more than anything.

    I love my children (from a previous marriage) more than anything.  They will always come first.  I will always drop what I’m doing to do for them.  

    Fiance knows this, and he understands, as he is a father too and understands that a mother has a certain kind of love for their children vs a love for another adult.

    It’s hard to explain unless you are in the situation.  There is no “I love you more than my kids” or “I love my kids more than you”.  No.  Never.  There are different levels of love.  

    Loving my children as  much as I do (did in my previous marriage) didn’t “erode” my marriage. We had our own personal problems.  It wasn’t due to loving my children more in a “motherly way”.  

    I’m amazed at all the woman that say they’d love their husbands more than their own kids.  Having a child is a wonderful feeling as a mother, growing and giving birth to a human being.  It’s truely amazing.  Especially as they grow up and creating a special bond with that child.  

    Children are absolutely amazing, fun, funny, amuzing. I might sound bias, but I have great kids, who I see 50% of the time and I cherish every single moment that I spend with them.  

    Post # 52
    Member
    2090 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    @onourway13:  Yes, I agree 100%. There is nothing my son can do to stop me from loving him. I cannot say the same thing about my FH. There is a different kind of love for each. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    155 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think one should love their spouse more. You can make more children. A spouse that you really love is irreplacable. I know that that can be countered with ‘you can remarry’ but I just don’t feel that way. I don’t have children. But my fiance and I both feel very strongly about always being each others number one.

    Post # 54
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I don’t have children, but I hope to love my husband more. I once saw this interview about a couple who had been together over 50 years. They stated that they always put their marriage above their children, which some people don’t agree with. However, if you have a strong marriage, your children will greatly benefit from this union. My Fiance and I both have parents who are divorced, and will feel strongly that the marriage being strong will translate to happier children. 

    Post # 56
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    It is just not a comparable situation. BOTH relationships should be cultivated. Both should have the utmost importance to you. That’s why marriages can go through a rough patch right after having a child. It takes work to balance parenting and your spousal relationship. I don’t think any party should be placed above or below the other one. Placing importance on marriage doesn’t mean you neglect your children, and placing importance on parenting doesn’t mean that you neglect your spouse.

    I’m a little astonished that someone would refer to children as replaceable…

    Post # 57
    Member
    826 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    This is such a weird question to me. I don’t have kids yet, but I imagine I’ll have a deep-seeded, primal love for them. For DH, it’s earned, not automatic, and it takes work to maintain. It’s wonderful and safe and secure, but it’s not an automatic rite of passage of being with him.

    My kids are quite literally a part of me. I imagine I’ll feel protective of them in an innate way, very different of how I feel about DH.

    And I would hope he says the same, I want our kids to have a wonderful childhood full of love and affection, second to none. Of course, they will be witness to DH and I’s wonderful love, too.

    Post # 58
    Member
    9947 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I am also over the age of 50, was married for 20+ years, and have grown children.

    The love for my Hubby / their Father (now my Ex) was immense for sure… afterall I stayed with him when I really shouldn’t have (he was an abusive alcoholic)

    BUT even when I was sooo enamoured by him in our marriage… I would have to say I loved our Kids even more.

    My reasoning being… that they were my whole world… and altho Husbands come and go (and sadly this is a true reality for many)…

    Short of death… and even then… your kids are yours forever.

    And I know that I am not alone in this way of thinking…

    Ask many Mothers (or Fathers) if the house was burning down, and there was only time to save one or the other… child or spouse … and the answer I think would be overwhelmingly child.

    That said,

    There is many a therapist who will tell you that the CORRECT ANSWER to this Question you have posed…

    Is …

    In a Healthy Relationship… one should LOVE BOTH EQUALLY… but differently.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

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    @jessivivi:  Me and my hubby agree we love our children more and he is my childrens step father. We still make sure to nuture our relationship but in the end the children come first. I spent nine monthes carrying and developing those children and yes someday they will leave me for there own lives and that’s wonderful and I will only have DH but I can hope that by spending equal time on both relationships that my DH will still be there and the kids will know what a healthy relationship is.

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