Who does the cooking?

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 16
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I know how to cook and I’m pretty decent at it, but I just don’t really enjoy it. I also work long hours and come home exhausted, and if I were left to my own devices, I would eat take-out most nights… Thus, my husband does 90% of the cooking. He doesn’t usually make anything terribly complicated— we eat pasta, egg sandwiches, salads, etc for dinner. But yeah, if he expected me to do all the cooking, we would both starve.

Post # 17
7898 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

misskitty90 :  

I cook because he’s crap at it   and I enjoy it ( the only domestic thing I do enjoy) . In your position you can’t do better than   annabananabee :’s   suggestion 

I don’t feel like cooking/not very hungry.  You’re on your own tonight/Go ahead and make yourself something.” 

Don’t make a big deal of it , do it casually and DO NOT allow yourself to be inveigled into just making him a snack .  

Post # 18
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

We take turns, it’s pretty even but it’s not like I’m keeping track. Sometimes I do more, sometimes he does more. If he isn’t even willing to try… are you willing to cook every time you eat at home FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?!? Oh my god!!! 

Post # 19
2306 posts
Buzzing bee

I do most of the cooking during the week because I get home first, but we also go out at least one night a week or have leftovers.  Weekends we cook together.

With that said, I would not be with someone who cannot be bothered to cook a simple meal.  I like being with a self sufficient man.

Post # 20
313 posts
Helper bee

I actually love preparing food. I do most of the cooking/preparing and hubs does some, at least once or twice a week. But yes some days I don’t feel making anything & make sure we always have lots of healthy snacks around like veggies and hummus. Which, honestly, my hubs when he snacks doesn’t usually eat our healthy snacks, but that’s his perogative.. only so much I can do 

Post # 21
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

I do. I do crockpot soups and roasts because I hate cooking. But if we wait for my husband to do it we will both starve lol. This way the most time I take is about 20 minutes to chop the onion and other veggies and pop it into the pot. So it’s pretty easy and not much time at all.

Post # 22
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I do all of the cooking because I enjoy cooking and I also get home two hours earlier than my husband. On the weekends we usually eat leftovers or I will cook something

Post # 23
6407 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

My husband does most of the cooking, including breakfast every day.  We both work full time.

Post # 24
9372 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I do the majority of the cooking. I work part-time from home and am working on losing weight which is easier if I have control of the meals. But my husband is an excellent cook (actually much better than me), enjoys cooking a nice meal for us, and is fully capable of feeding himself. Honestly, your husband’s inability or lack of desire to learn a basic skill every adult should know would be a huge turn off. My brother-in-law is like that and it’s just pathetic (and my in-laws totally enable it). 

Post # 25
320 posts
Helper bee

SO and I have a little routine…we both work within walking distance to our house. 

7:45am – SO leaves the house to go to work. In the mornings I work from home.

3:30pm – SO comes home and is finished. I have lunch ready on the table for both us 

4:00pm – I leave to go to work

9:00pm – I come home and SO has dinner ready for both of us. 

We live in Spain so eating hours are later. Lunch is also pretty much always a cooked meal, sometimes dinner is salad (Spanish tend to have the heaviest meal of the day at lunchtime). My SO cooks a lot more than me during the weekend. 

Post # 26
4817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

We pretty much share it, I probably cool dinner slightly more often just because I get home an hour earlier and I would rather eat as soon as fiancé comes home than start cooking at 7:30pm.

I would never make him something if I wasn’t eating and he refused to make something for himself! If my fiancé was like your SO he would be stuck eating crackers!

I can’t get on board with all the posters telling you to get a crock pot/ a crock pot is your friend, these are days the OP isn’t hungry and doesn’t want dinner, why is it her responsibility to feed her SO?

Post # 27
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

My husband does 100% of the cooking, and the kitchen cleaning, basically, if it happens in the kitchen, it’s his domain. I lived alone for 9 years before we moved in together, so I’m perfectly capable of cooking, but I hate it and he really enjoys it. He also usually gets home a couple of hours before me, so he has more time.

Agree with the PPs that the finances have nothing to do with it, mine earns more than twice what I earn and he still does it all.

The difference in our situation is that we’re both happy with him doing all the cooking. I think in your case a conversation is needed. Maybe just address that you feel the labour is unbalanced at the moment, and it would mean a lot if he could cook for you maybe once a week. Even if it’s someth simple like pasta or a stir fry, it would be something.

Post # 28
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I just think this depends on what else he does. If he won’t cook but he does ALL the other housework then I’d say – wonderful! If he does absolutely none of it, it would be a problem for me. 

Try starving him out or making food he hates or telling him it’s annoying you…? 



Post # 29
4373 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I guess hubby and I divide household chores in a pretty traditional way. I take care of inside. He does outside and car maintenance. It’s honestly done that way because I prefer it and it plays to each of our strengths. I can pull the cord on a lawnmower for hours but the effing thing won’t start but  my hubby just looks at a mower and it turns itself on. 

Hubby can cook a handful of dishes well enough but it usually causes him anxiety whilst doing so and he honestly prefers my cooking (and so do I 😉). He will however put on a load of washing, pull out the ironing board or vacuum without prompting on his days off.

OP, it sounds like you need to sit down and have a proper conversation with your husband about your frustration. You also need to not beat around the bush in your approach. If you don’t want to cook and would like a meal cooked and prepared by your husband well then you say I’m cooking on Monday and Thursday you are cooking on Tuesday and Wednesday or I do the washing and you do the ironing. You both need to sit down and work out who does what and how many times a week. Treat it like you would in a workplace. Name the task, allocate it and work out how often and when it gets done. I’d also avoid approaching this conversation with a sense of reproach because that never works and all it dies is gets people to put their back up and dig in heels. Say you’d like to talk about household chores because the current situation isn’t working for either of you.

Also I think this is less of an issue than it feels like. It didn’t sound like your husband expects a meal to be cooked by you if he is happy to go eat some crackers for dinner if you are not in the mood to cook. He probably should step up and offer to prepare something for both of you to help out but he probably is totally innocently obtuse in realising that you not cooking means he needs to step in because you’ve probably not told him that is what you want or need. He thinks that by eating some crackers he’s misguidedly doing what you want. Everyone thinks differently and sometimes people do things to upset you without realising because in their brain their actions translate differently. He’s probably used to a mother who does everything for him and doesn’t realise that you don’t want to model the same type of relationship his parents have. Honestly I’m sure you knew all this before you married him so you guys should have sat down and had a conversation about this long before to try and find an approach that worked for you both. Relationships are about compromise and communication. This is just one more thing you need to sit down and communicate about. 

Post # 30
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

My partner doesn’t enjoy cooking and isn’t good at cooking, so that is my remit generally speaking. However, often we don’t work the same shifts and he is perfectly capable of making himself a meal when I’m not there. 

In the same vein, I hate cleaning and am terrible at it so he does most of that.

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