Who does the cooking?

posted 4 months ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - City, State

Why did you marry someone who isn’t a functional adult? I can’t believe there are men out there who can’t look after themselves in the most basic way (making food). My SO and I both cook and clean and that’s just a given, we’re both grown ups, and I would never be with a man who basically just wants a second mum. 

This isn’t ok bee, offer to teach him how to cook and tell him how important it is for him to have basic life skills, for his own sake as well as your yours. He doesn’t have to enjoy it or do it all the time, but the fact that he can’t is worrying.

Post # 32
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I do pretty much all the cooking, but I LOVE cooking. If I don’t feel like it or I’m ill/tired then Darling Husband will make something equally as delicious and clean up all the mess too.

Looking after people is my love language though and every single thing I cook is a little ‘I love you’.

Post # 33
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee

I do all the cooking, lunch and dinner. Hubby makes me breakfast on the weekend 🙂 it works for us, he does more cleaning and all of the gardening. Is it just that he expects it or have you had the conversation with him that you’d like to split cookin duties?

Post # 34
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

I cook! Before we lived together, he cooked a lot and wouldn’t actually even let me at all. Now, he has seriously forgotten how to, I swear. I really enjoy cooking for hi, or, at the very least, making sure he’s fed lol He constantly thanks me for making sure he’s got something (aka not having to think), so his appreciation makes it more fun. I’m also a vegetarian who eats pretty plain, so cooking for him is more fun to me (I cook his meat, yes) and creative. 

He complains a bit when I make him “fend for himself”. It’s mostly fake whining that I literally laugh at. He will often make his own lunch (weekends), but usually asks me what he should have lol I sometimes get annoyed, but it’s trivial. He definitely will prépare things for himself! There’ve been times where I don’t cook as much and he did the meal planning, so if I reverted he would just have to adapt. 

If you don’t enjoy it (even just “some days”), you shouldn’t be obligated to cook! You are not beholden to him for anything as his wife. Have you had any serious conversations with him? Let him know why you need a break even if it’s just here and there. Maybe have some stand by meal options (chicken he can just throw in the oven, pasta, microwaveable veggies) and lay it out for him. This may take the pressure off you. But, hold your ground! He needs to grow up and also be appreciative that you’re willing to cook anything for him. 

Post # 35
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We share the cooking responsibilities. Usually we will menu-plan for the week, which makes grocery shopping easier. Whoever doesn’t do the cooking on a particular day will clean up. 

I think it’s ridiculous in this day and age that someone doesn’t know to cook even a basic meal, TBH. 

 

Post # 36
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

I do most of the cooking because my fiance has a panic attack whenever he tries to do anything over a stove or grill or things that generate heat. I don’t mind it and he says I am a better cook than his mother which makes me happy.

Post # 37
Member
6864 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d go on a cooking strike. I wouldn’t prepare him a damn thing until he takes some initiative to do it himself. I’d cook things for myself, get takout, eat a sandwich…whatever it took to not cook him a thing.

Darling Husband and I both cook, depending on the time of year one of us does more cooking than the other depending on who is busier with work. A lot of nights I took, but if I’m coming home late Darling Husband cooks. He’s actually the much better cook than me, and he does all the grilling because we don’t have a grill anymore – just a Big Green Egg which I can’t use. I mean I guess I could use it if I took the time to laern I just don’t have a desire to. 

Not trying to kick a dog while it’s down, but I have to echo other posters on this. Why on earth would you marry someone who can’t do even basic life skills for themselves? Every day between the bee and facebook groups I’m more and more amazed at what people are willing to put up with and it blows my mind. From husbands who don’t cook to ones who won’t lift a finger to do housework or help with kids? It’s crazytown. My Darling Husband travels a lot of the year for work so a good majority of times those duties fall on me and I single-mom it for weeks on end, but you better believe when he’s home he’s 100% doing whatever needs to be done. I can’t imagine choosing to spend my life with someone who isn’t my equal. 

Post # 38
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I cook most of the time, but really only because I have more time to do so than SO and I don’t mind doing it.  But my SO has never ONCE asked me to make him something and is usually asking me what I would like and offering to help.  He can cook perfectly fine, so sometimes he just takes over if I’m tired.

+1 for just letting him figure it out.  I’m assuming you haven’t actually spoken to him about this though, so that’s also not helping your situation.  You’ll need to be honest and bring this to his attention, and work to find a compromise with him.  I just wouldn’t just go straight into “do it yourself” mode because that’s not communicating very well, but you’ll need to inform him that you are not going to wait on him hand and foot, and he needs to learn to supply food for himself.

Post # 39
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

My husband does 90% of the cooking. The other 10% is me trying to me nice and cook the few very simple meals I actually know how to. However, I wouldn’t call making a sandwhich cooking. To me cooking involves an oven and pots and pans. Since my husband does all the cooking I do all of the cleaning in the kitchen. I don’t think the person who cooks the meal should then have to clean up as well. 

Post # 40
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

My fiance usually cooks. I feel like he’s a little critical when I do and sometimes takes over, so I try to avoid it unless i have something specific in mind. I haven’t lived in my own for as long, and my mom never really cooked, so I never became great at it. 

Post # 41
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I do most of the cooking, unless its summer, and then FH likes to do all the BBQing. But I work from home and I work fewer hours than he does, so it is easier for me to do it. If I don’t feel like cooking, he is happy to make a meal for us.

Post # 42
Member
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My husband really enjoys cooking but I probably cook more just because my schedule allows it.  He works alternating days and shifts so he doesn’t cook as often as he’d like.  If we’re having a party or get together, then he does it all.

But OP, reading some of your past posts leads me to believe that cooking is the least of your problems.

Post # 43
Member
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I used to do about 50% of the cooking but since becoming pregnant 4 months ago I have cooked dinner about 5 times. Husband has been making me breakfast in bed, and dinner at least 2 times a week. We also order takeout a lot. And then eat left overs. 

Post # 44
Hostess
7613 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

After me screaming at my Fi that it isn’t the F*cking 50’s and I should not be the only one that thinks about feeding us FH has agreed to make more of an effort and learn to cook. Wish it didn’t get to melting point but it did and he understood where I was coming from! 

Post # 45
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

My Fiance’ and I were just talking about this the other day. I do majority cooking, but every once in a while he might surprise me and prepare something small or on the weekends sometimes he will make breakfast (he makes a mean breakfast), but I don’t EXPECT it. I do those things for him out of pure love, AND because I cooked the same way I do now before I was even in a relationship at all, I just love cooking. I also get home before him in the evening by a couple of hours and it does my heart well to know he has a hot meal and some leftovers to take for lunch. By no means is it my DUTY it’s just something I enjoy. He is pefectly fine with leftovers or take-out, however he survived on mainly take-out before me and I would like to take that off of him now that he has me.

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