Who does the cooking?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 46
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

You really just have to talk to him. Tell him you’re unhappy with this dynamic and ask him to help you fgure out a compromise that works for both of you.

This is a pain point for Fiance and I too. His mom and dad have a very traditional dynamic where she does all the cooking & cleaning (AND worked, let me add) and he sits & watches. It drives me mad, but Fiance is totally used to that so he has no issue letting me do all the work in the kitchen. I have talked to him about it a few times and while he has agreed to help out more, it seems to go in one ear & out the other. He understands the dynamic isn’t right, especially because we both work, sometimes I work longer hours than him. But it seems to be all talk. 

A few things that make this difficult for us:
I’m a better cook (he watched dinner last night after I got everything started & I took a shower… came out to everything WAY overcooked & chard….)
I’m trying to lose weight so it’s easier if I plan the meals
He is happy to wait until 8-9pm to eat. I want to be done by 7-7:30
He sometimes works very late & his schedule is unpredictable. 

I have told him that I dont want to be like his parents and I want to split the cooking duties. That I can plan the meals but I dont want to ask him for “help” when I’m doing something for both of us (and get the, I’ll be there in 5 mins” because he’s playing video games). He agrees, but I still find myself asking for help or waiting for his game to be done before he’ll come help. We agreed that if I’m going to end up doing all the cooking, so be it, but then he needs to pick up the slack in other areas of the house. But I havent quite figured out what that is because I clean up the kitchen as I go so after dinner clean up takes 2 mins.

Post # 47
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

View original reply
querty :  I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Post # 48
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: By the lake

He makes tons of money than me and he loves to cook!  We would do grocery just about every other day.  He will prep and cook and serve!  He even makes me a plate!  If he is not cooking, we’re eating out or we are eating leftovers.  I cook once in a great while.  I will do the dishes and clean the kitchen.  That’s the least I can do!  And by the way, he is a great cook!  He can make rice better than me and I’m Asian!  And no, we don’t own a rice cooker.  He doesn’t want to buy one. LOL.

Maybe you can teach him something simple like boiling eggs and making an egg sandwich.  Or make grilled cheese.  That is easy to do.   Making breakfast is very easy.  You just fry, fry, fry!  Cook together and maybe you can make it a fun game.

Post # 49
2804 posts
Sugar bee

I enjoy cooking and am good at it, whereas my husband if left to his own devices won’t really do anything more complex than heating up a can of soup or maybe making a salad or sauteeing some spinach. He has been known to eat chips & sliced deli chicken as a meal. I’m no gourmet, but I pretty much always eat a “real” meal for dinner – usually something simple but hearty like lentil soup, a pasta dish, a veggie stirfry with a grain, etc. 

So I do all the cooking, but if I don’t feel up to cooking or if I want to eat something my husband doesn’t like, he’s an adult and I let him figure it out. If there aren’t leftovers and I don’t want to cook, we do takeout (or go out on the weekends). If I want to make something that he won’t touch, he can scrounge for leftovers or eat canned soup or whatnot. 

I’d love if my husband was a little more competent in the kitchen so that he weren’t eating mostly canned/processed foods or takeout when I’m not around, but it’s not my hill to die on. 

All that said, my husband does NOT expect me to cook. I do it because I’ve cooked for myself my entire adult life, and I generally prefer eating my own cooking to eating processed or restaurant food. It’s also important to me to eat at home most of the time since it saves money and is also way less environmentally wasteful than getting takeout or prepared foods. But during busy months when I just don’t have the time we make due on takeout and quick simple stuff like salads and pasta.  

Post # 50
533 posts
Busy bee

My husband does about 90% of cooking since he’s awesome at it and loves testing new recipes.  I bake, prep and clean.

Post # 51
8144 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If my husband was home earlier than me, he would definitely cook more. He loves it! He does more of our special occassion cooks – birthdays, anniversaries, etc, where he goes all out. I do more of the day to day cooking because he doesn’t get home until 9 pm. 

Post # 52
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I do most of the cooking, mostly because I enjoy it and I’m a bit…annoying when it comes to what I eat (not picky, I just have dietary restrictions).

That being said, if I’m out with friends or otherwise not home, he’s perfectly capable of cooking something for himself.

Post # 53
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I do almost all of the cooking. That’s because I love to cook, though. He will help if I’m cooking something complicated and/or could use an extra set of hands, but I’m the one who mostly does the cooking. That’s the way I want it, though. If I really didn’t like cooking, I would tell him he needs to step up and learn how to cook more. Also, he cleans up after I cook, and I’d much rather cook than clean up after someone cooking lol.

I always make sure to cook extra food for leftovers, though. Because as much as I love cooking, I don’t want to cook every day. So we always either have leftovers in the fridge or the freezer for the days I don’t feel like cooking. If I have something after work where I can’t get home for dinner, or he wants lunch on the weekend and I’m out running errands, he’ll heat up leftovers or make himself a grilled cheese or an egg sandwich or something. He can’t cook much, but he can feed himself lol. I would be seriously annoyed if he was so incapable of feeding himself that he’d rather eat crackers than make himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

The first step is to just not cook for him if you don’t feel like it. And if he complains about that, it’s time for a talk. Tell him that you feel like you’re burdened with cooking too much, and you would like him to start cooking more. Tell him that although you do like making dinners sometimes, it can’t always be your responsibility, and he needs to learn how to at least cook for himself. That’s just a basic adult skill that everyone should have. And if he refuses, well, then he can starve lol.

Post # 54
907 posts
Busy bee

 We both share in the responsibility of cooking. I don’t think it’s out of line to ask him to do his part.

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors