Post # 1
Bees in hetero relationships with shared finances, please weigh in if you can/want to..
My D H and I are having a discussion about changing gender roles (we both think it’s generally changing for the positive) but he thinks men generally still do family finances (where finances are combined), especially doing the legwork for investments etc (so things beyond just paying the bills or filing taxes). I think this has changed too and will not be gendered but will most likely be the task of the person with an interest/aptitude for it. What do you folks think about it? Thanks!
Post # 2
I think the person who is most qualified/comfortable doing so should do it. My husband is a CPA, so he manages the bulk of our finances. It shouldn’t be based on gender.
Post # 3
I handle all finances, bill paying, savings, annual taxes, etc. My mother handles all of these things as well and is a savvy investor. My Mother-In-Law also handles all bills including bookkeping for my FIL’s business. I don’t know many men at all who deal with finances…the only one I can think of is my Brother-In-Law, because he’s a senior comptroller, so he lives and breathes finance.
Post # 4
My husband and I have all shared accounts. Money isn’t “his” thing or “my” thing– it’s something we both actively participate in. He usually pays the bills that aren’t automatic and I usually pay off the credit card and put money into savings. I also make our budget which is based on input from both of us.
He lets me know when there’s something unusual or unexpected with our bills (really, utility bills are the only ones that fluctuate) and I let him know if we’ve gone over or under budget on the CC and how much we’re saving that month. As far as big financial decisions, we make those together. We talk it out and decide on the best course of action.
In a lot of families with “traditional” money patterns, the man may be the breadwinner and make all or most of the money but it’s very common for women to actually pay bills and budget.
Post # 5
elliebee357 : it’s funny because I was having this discussion once as it related to a case we were trying and we polled the group and it was the exact opposite. I was the only woman in the group and ALL of the men (lawyers and a judge) all said “I have no idea – my wife handles our money” whereas I handle the bulk of the billpaying plus all of our investments. They claim to not be “numbers people” and that just made me twitch – how can you not know or care what’s going on in your finances guys?! I’ve talked about it with my girlfriends are we’re split probably 50/50 as to whether the husband or wife is in charge.
Post # 6
I work in finance and my husband works at a car dealership. He handles everything car related and while he pays a chunk of our bills, I’m usually the one who coordinates which bills come out of which account. I think about our taxes during the year and have him make changes to his W4 if I think we need to do updates. I file the taxes, after his heart attack, I told him not to pay any of the bills until I gave him the go ahead after I had a chance to review the eobs
I have a head for numbers and at one point when discussing taxes he threw his hands up and just said “just tell me what we need to pay or what we are getting back, you’re the accountant!” 😆
Post # 7
My husband deals with investments because I know nothing about that, I take care of paying the bills, mainly because I have the time on my hands to do so.
Otherwise, we pretty much share the responsibilities of money management together.
Post # 8
elliebee357 : I guess it depends on the couple and who like you said who has the aptitude and patience for it. In my relationship, I handle all of the financial things.
Post # 9
In our relationship it’s all me. I make significantly more (3x) and owned a home before he moved in with me, so all of the bill accounts were already in my name. When we sold my house and bought one together, we kept all of the accounts in my name just since it’s easier. He pays his car payment and phone bill, but I pay everything else. I am great with Excel and have my spreadsheet and know what is due when. He just transfers me $ if I need it when I pay the mortgage mostly (the only bill that is more than 1 of my paychecks). We have talked about combining accounts so he doesn’t need to transfer me $ every month, but it hasn’t happened yet just cause we can never seem to make it to the bank. The only reason I would want to combine accounts is because I always feel super BROKE when he is rolling in money in his debit account, because I pay all the bills and BofA only lets him send $1000 transfer max. So he pays for groceries or dinners out more than me just because his checking account is always higher.
My parents are the same way. My mom makes more and handles everything. Their accounts are combined and my dad gets an ‘allowance’ of cash. While my husband would be able to figure it out on his own if he had to, my dad on the other hand would not survive and would probably end up with the electricity cut off and house seized.
Post # 10
We both do stuff like paying bills (the few that aren’t on autopay), but my husband manages our investments because he works in finance. He also does our taxes, mostly because he doesn’t mind and I loathe it. I was pretty ignorant of investing at the beginning of our relationship, but he has taught me a lot (and I’ve read a decent amount on my own since then as I’ve become more knowledgable and interested) so now I’d say we are both pretty involved; we would not make investment decisions without each other. So just because he does more of the legwork doesn’t mean he controls everything and I sit back and relax — we are both actively involved with our money and we monitor our accounts together through a joint Personal Capital account.
Post # 11
- Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse
We have everything completely combined but I handle almost all of the finances. We’re both responsible with money but my husband is just forgetful and I’m usually pretty type A so my personality works well with handling the finances.
I am in charge of our investing because I started the account before I met him. Through the same company we do life insurance so I handle most of that. Almost all of the bills are in my name and I either have them set up for auto pay or I pay them. I think for some reason our internet is set up with my husband so he pays that. I also am the only one with physical checks so I pay and keep track of large things around the home that get paid for.
I definitely don’t think finances should be up to gender but rather skill/personality.
Post # 12
I know way more women that handle the bill paying and setting budgets actually lol. While men may have traditionally earned most of the money and maybe done more investing/taxes, I think women have been more in charge of family/home expenses and what things actually cost (since running the home and caring for the kids was their job). That being said – in these modern times I don’t think money has much to do with gender. Whoever is better at handling the bills, investing, etc. should be the one to do it.
Post # 13
When I was married I handled all of the bills and our investments. I like to manage finances, and he was more than happy to let me. Can I mention that his 401k was all in safe, low return funds? HE WAS ONLY 28! I fixed that pretty quickly.
Post # 14
I would never in a million years relinquish complete control of my finances to anyone. I think both partners should be actively involved.
Post # 15
I do the finances. He generally speaking has no clue about what we have going on. My mom does the finances for my parents, but my dad is heavily involved. My Mother-In-Law does the finances for their family. FH said they were chatting at work and it was pretty unanimous that the wives handled the money.