Post # 1
This is a topic that has probably been addressed before but I thought it might make for an interesting discussion.
Every so often, someone will post about having a “no kids” wedding and invariably they will know someone who just takes their kids with them everywhere reagardless if the kids are invited or not.
So my question is…who does this? I don’t have kids but even if I did, I can’t imagine that I would just assume they were included in every invitation to me – even if they were newborns. But it seems a heck of a lot of parents just assume their kids are invited/welcome everywhere they are.
Do any of the Mom’s here have any insight on this? Would you be offended if your kids weren’t included on an invitaiton to any event or do you know people who feel this way? Would you bring them even if they weren’t included (or know people who would) and if so, why?
Post # 3
I can speak from a bride and a mom’s (step-mom)side.
2 of FI’s family members who were invited as Mr/Ms. Soandso and guest are bringing their children as their guests! Not exactly what we meant. Our plan was to have only 2 children their Ring bearer (FI’s son) and Flower Girl (my niece). I was pissed but their kids are probably 12 or so, so we’ll deal.
Now from the other side. I expect that day time weddings should include children, but if I recieve an invite that doesn’t say : The Whatever Family, then I assume no children and wouldnt’ make any other assumption. Night weddings are the time to get a baby-sitter and I would assume that children shouldn’t be invited nor will any attend except for one’s in the wedding party.
Post # 4
Rude people are the ones who do it. If your children are specifically not invited to something and you bring them anyway, you are rude. Even if it’s a newborn, at that point the parents should just decline the invite if they don’t think they can leave the baby with someone.
These are the same people who bring +1s when they’re not invited, don’t RSVP, and hold loud phone conversations in confined spaces.
Post # 5
It can be cultural too. There are definitely countries where a no-kids wedding would be baffling, and there’s not really a concept of “babysitting” – like, if you’re not with your kid, your kid is with other family members, and if the whole family (or village, or community) is at a wedding, who is left to watch the kids? The per-guest cost of many weddings in the US is astronomical – if you come from a place where the per-guest cost is low, and weddings are these big communal affairs, I can definitely see how it wouldn’t cross your mind that kids WEREN’T invited.
Post # 6
We only had 2 babies invited to the wedding (small wedding). For each event (shower, engagement party, and wedding) both of their mothers double checked to see if the babies were invited, even though they were on the invite.
Post # 7
Honestly, I think part of it comes down to ignorance/not understanding etiquette rules. Before WeddingBee I had never heard of a “no kids” wedding, and I certainly hadn’t heard of invitation etiquette rules (i.e. if your name isn’t specifically listed on the invitation, you’re not invited). At our wedding, we listed kids’ names on the invite just to be clear that they were invited, and I still got questions from two couples about whether their kids were invited. Also, we got a wedding invite that did not specifically list our daughter’s name, and when we mentioned finding a babysitter for our baby (who was 2 months at the time), the bride and groom were surprised we weren’t bringing her. They thought that, by inviting my husband and I, the baby was automatically included.
I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility to assume that many people have no clue about these rules we are so familiar with. I chalk up a good portion of these “mishaps” just to ignorance about the rules of invite etiquette. On the other hand, I have no idea why someone would knowingly break the etiquette rules. If you know it’s bad etiquette, why do it?
Post # 8
I was surprised to hear about how much this happens too. I’m not a parent so I can’t answer from that prospective but I agree that’s its totally rude. Just because someone has kids, should not automatically mean that the children are invited to everything the parents are.
Where I’m from, its generally assumed that all weddings are “adults only” unless its otherwise specified so I’m super thankful that I won’t have to deal with the kid drama but I feel bad for the bee’s that do. I know when I was younger, my parents were invited to tons of wedding and parties that were “adults only” and they never once complained about it. Infact, they looked at it as a perfect excuse to get rid of me for a few hours.
Post # 9
Still pregnant so I can’t say what I’d do (but I certainly wouldn’t bring a child to an event that I knew didn’t welcome children). This makes me think of the dating days, though, where I’d want to have lunch with a friend (for example) and when I got to the restaurant it was automatically assumed that her boyfriend was invited, too. That always made me a little nuts. I try to ask if it’s ok to bring Hubby or if we just wanted an event to be “us girls.” I’d like to think I’d be the same way with the baby.
Post # 10
We invited an adult couple that I knew growing up. They are friends of my parents. Growing up we (my brothers and sister) knew their kids but none of us were friends.
We specifically phrased our invites to just include the couple. The out couple read Mr. and Mrs. J Young. The inner envelope said J and S Young.
The two kids were living at home both are college age and still they RSVP’s 4 instead of 2.
Post # 11
I can’t imagine bringing my kids anywhere. While my preference was for a wedding that included kids, I can understand that not everyone wants kids at their wedding. I would only be offended if I was going to an out of town wedding and had young kids, and alternative childcare wasn’t provided or if I had a child under 4-5 months. I think it’s a lot to expect a new mom to leave her infant. I would just decline though, I wouldn’t be rude and bring my child(ren) anyway.