- Miss Pizza
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
I’m a monster. A bridal monster. Not a bridzilla or anything. I’ve been very laid back with wedding plans for the past 7 months, however I believe any certified psychologist would diagnose me with temporary obsessive compulsive disorder related to the wedding.
After the Fi and I started planning the wedding back in January, things started happening. I was daily checking my wedding porn (wedding blogs), ideas started to flow.
From the beginning we were adamant that we wanted a very small, intimate, simple affair – very untraditional, but not unusual. I describe it as the Great Gatsby meets HBO’s Carnivale meets Anthropologie. Everything is vintage inspired or actual antiques – such as our amazing location – a historic mansion which is said to be haunted. Despite a few family disagreements, we have maintained a guest list of 24 people. Awesome. We stuck our ground and I was adamant that I was the anti-bride. Screw bridal shops for the dress; I got mine off the rack. Forget a ceremony in the church; 12 yrs of Catholic school ruined me. No dancing. Just a great dinner afterwards. No bridal shower. Tattoos blazing. No bachelorette party. That’s right; I’ve shown the world whose boss
Trudge along 7 months later and although many of the above wish list has remained intact, I’ve morphed into a pretty, pretty princess. I fell hard for finding the perfect colored satin peep toes. I have 2 hair trials scheduled to make sure my stylist and I have the hair down to a science. We have hired a string quartette. We have hired a great photographer and one of those amazing (but ridiculously expensive) wedding cinematic filmmakers. Sorry, but I had to have a movie trailer. I’ve succumb to every minute detail of perfection – buying an antique ring box for my ring to be displayed in photographs, scouting out every home store for the perfect satin hanger to hold my dress up, yesterday I bought a custom birdcage veil despite me telling everyone that I would never wear a veil – I originally didn’t want to look bridal, I had lost hours of my Sunday searching etsy for the perfect vintage handkerchief, hours and weeks have been spent crafting as I’ve done all wedding stationary, redoing all the bouquets (we’ve gone silk to save some pennies) about 7 times each, compiling way too many props to be used in the photographs and finally losing a lot of sleep as these things keep me up at night
Now, I’m not complaining. I live for this stuff. Coming up with ideas and being creative is in my soul. I’ve always been artistic, spent my whole life studying the fine arts and now I’m currently studying advertising design. I’m an artist thru and thru. This is my art direction dream. I’m treating the wedding as if it’s my biggest ad campaign. I have loved every second of coming up with ideas and creating my perfect wedding. In my head, it’s incredible. Something so hip, unique, special, that none of our guests have ever seen. I’m finally very, very, very excited for the wedding as all my hard work has paid off for the most amazing Great Gatsby-Carnivale-Anthropologie wedding this October. Then last night; excitement was crushed.
The Fi came home from work and I stormed his entrance as I gushed with joy as I showed him all the little things I purchased from etsy and won from ebay for the wedding. Words were coming out so fast about my ideas for the photos that I was practically speaking a foreign language. He seemed super annoyed (I know rushing him as soon as he gets in the door is never a good idea, but I was so esssited as Ruby says it) so I asked what’s up. He laid out all of his feeling about our spectacular show… aka… the wedding. He said he feels like the wedding has lost its integrity. I have become so engrossed with having the best and most unique ideas that I was trying way too hard…as if I was putting on a show. He admitted that he was extremely stressed about the whole wedding even though he hasn’t participated much in the planning. He’s allowed me to have full control as most of this stuff doesn’t interest him in the least and I’m the pretty, pretty princess. He made me feel like a total beast after he mentioned something about this being the most important day of his life because of the ceremony and because we love each other. Not because I found the most incredible antique books for us to pose with in the mansion’s haunting, but beautiful, library. Eh. I feel like I screwed up and I am now doubting everything I have done thus far. I honestly do not want to change anything I have planned. It’s all in my head and I love what I envision. It’s my dream wedding. But what about what the groom wants? I feel so out of control now that he shared his feelings. He told me that everything will be fine and he knows it will be great in the end, but I’m concerned of him being resentful – towards me, towards the wedding, towards our marriage. Has anyone else has a groom voice their apprehension with their wedding planning journey? Am I totally out of control? Please tell me there are some other brides with wedding ocd. I really could use a pick me up because I’m feeling like a total a$$.