(Closed) Who else is thinking of NOT writing their own vows????

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 17
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We are definitely NOT writing our own vows!  I am a private person and its terrifying enough just to get married in front of so many people, I could never say something so personal in front of everyone.  When our officiant asked, I couldn’t even tell her ‘no’ without bawling.  She said “if it makes you feel better, most people don’t.” 

FH and I are writing what I like to call “love essays” for our officiant and she may pull bits and pieces during our ceremony. 

Post # 18
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We’re actually using my parent’s vows. We’re going to change them just a litle bit, but it’s nice to have the tradition of using my parents instead of the stress of coming up with our own.

Post # 19
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We’re not writing our vows.  its enough to be able to stand there and say anything at all without adding to it.  there are the legal requirements we have to say, then there are 3 choices of vows to say, we’ll just choose one of those.  the only bit i am really looking forward to is the part where the registrar says……you are now man and wife…

I’m also not asking anyone to stand and read a poem,  i have been to weddings with readings and quite frankley they bore me shitless,  and if i feel embarrassed to stand in front of my guests and speak,  then i also wouldnt want to put anyone else through that. 

Post # 20
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We aren’t!  It wouldn’t at ALL be hard for me, but I don’t think I could put my Fiance through it!

Post # 21
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We aren’t either! That’s maybe the ONE thing Fiance is 100% against. He gets nervous public speaking, and it’s easier if he gets to repeat what a priest tells him.

I’m ok with this too… I think it’s a little too personal…just not very “us”

Post # 22
1924 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We’re not writing our own vows.  I think it’s nice and sweet, but I think if my fiancé and I tried writing our own vows they would come out trite and cheesy.  We’re going to do a slightly modified version of traditional vows (we’re both Atheists so there will be no God mentioned, and I want our vows to be gender neutral, as I am a feminist).

Post # 23
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Definitely not. I’ve never ever wanted to write my own vows.

Post # 24
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I like the tradition of the traditional vows.  😉 hehe.  Seriously though… I’m not sure I could write those promises any better so why change them? 

Post # 25
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We are using the traditional vows. We love what they say…it has everything that we want to vow to each other and we love the traditional aspect of it, so there you go. Makes it alot easier on us, too. 🙂

Post # 26
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’re going to use the traditional vows too.  My fiance actually said he wouldn’t mind writing our own vows, but I told him that I’d feel more comfortable repeating what the officiant tells me to say!  I just know that I’ll already be emotional, and that if we start reciting our own vows to each other, I’ll start with the ugly-crying face that I do NOT want to have happen. 

Post # 27
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I really wanted to write my own vows. I did. But DH and I talked it out, and we agreed that it wasn’t a good idea. 

For one, I am a better writer than him. He didn’t like the idea of having to worry about whether or not his vows were good enough (They would have been, but you know what I mean.) 

Also, there was the emotions thing. He knew that if we wrote them, we wouldn’t be able to get through the ceremony without crying… because that’s us. And we really didn’t want to sob through our entire ceremony. 

This is also why we did a first look. We got all our crying out of the way early in the day (Which made for awesome photos, btw) and we were able to *mostly* keep it together during the ceremony. 

Post # 28
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, we did not write our own vows. I stuck to the ones the church gave us. I think I would have been so stressed out if I did.

Post # 29
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I was totally down with doing the “stock” vows, except that FH told me he was going to write his own vows.  He of course said “you don’t have to write your own”.

I decided I was going to write my own (of course), but I was, like OP terrified!

For weeks I was worried sick and stared at a page full of words and scribbles.  There was NO WAY I was going to be able to do this.  FH offered to help, but I was adament that I could do it myself.

Yesterday morning I woke up and was inclined (stream of consiousness) to write.  And write and write, and voila!  Vows.  186 words of vows.  I read them to my mother and she cried.

Long story short, sometimes you’ll surprise yourself.  I sure did.  I’m actually really glad that I managed to write my own!

For our one year anniversary (yes, I’m already going there and we aren’t even married yet!), I’m planning on handwriting my vows on the mat of a picture frame with the picture of the two of us at our wedding in it!

In any event, it isn’t for everyone and I am still terrified about messing them up or not being able to finish them, but you’ve got to do what is right for you.  You know you best!



Post # 30
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I doubt I will, unless Fiance insists, but I don’t think that will happen either. I hate “romantic” (or cheesy, as I think) birthday cards, etc. Don’t think I can do the personalized vows.

Post # 31
3315 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We took our vows directly from the Church of England Book of Common Prayer.  The language is beautiful.  And anything more personal we wanted to say to each other didn’t have to be in front of witnesses.  Plus, I feel like vows that are too personalized are kind of fake.  I mean, if you’re vowing to make him tea on cold mornings, and then don’t actually do it, the marriage is not over.  The traditional vows emphasize the things that actually make a marriage–everything from fidelity to supporting each other financially.

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