Post # 1
I’m not. Overall, I’m happy with that decision….but sometimes I second-guess it. Like when people ask me about my bridesmaids or say something about their bouquets or where they’re getting their hair or makeup done and give me a look that says “You weirdo, don’t you have friends?” when I say I’m not having any. Or when I see pictures of other weddings and they have the photo that everyone has to have of the bride surrounded by maids in a big happy circle.
There are several reasons we’re not having a wedding party. One is that we’re getting married out of town. I realize it’s asking a lot of people to ask them to travel (especially when most of my close friends have kids) as well as pay for dresses/shoes/hair, and we can’t afford to pay for everyone. Another is that we’re dealing with a recent family death and I think that with the bittersweet nature of our wedding, it would be better to just have family there. Another is that my fiance is more of a loner. I’d have more bridesmaid candidates than he’d have groomsman candidates and I’d have to whittle them down and hurt feelings.
Another, to be completely honest, is that I feel like I’m at that weird point in life where I’m drifting away from some of my closest friends as our lives go in different directions. And some of the ones who are left, honestly, and I hate to say this, I don’t know if they’ll always be there. I’ve had issues with a couple of them in recent years where they just haven’t acted like friends. I realize nobody’s perfect, but some of those have been ridiculous drama-filled blowups over nothing. My family (and FI’s) are truly the only people I know will always be there.
I’ve never gotten along super-well with most girls anyway. I just don’t have that girly circle that looks so adorable in bridesmaid pics.
Can anyone else relate, or is anyone else forgoing the attendants for whatever reason??
Post # 3
I totally understand that, I’ve lost two BM’s for a lot of the same reasons.
My sister didn’t have a bridal party when she got married. Well, she had me as her Maid/Matron of Honor and her husband chose a good friend of his, but other than just us, not really.
It was partly because her husband was from another country, and didn’t have many friends here, but partly money as well. Anyway, it turned out beautiful.
Post # 4
We only have one attendant on each side. And they’re our brothers.
I get a lot of weird looks whenever I’m asked about my bridesmaids and I say “Oh, my brother is standing up next to me.”
I do have some female friends and Fiance has a few male friends but we just felt that when it came down to it, the most important people we would want up there with us were our siblings. I feel that our decision has some pros and cons. We eliminated a lot of planning aspects (like bridesmaids dresses, etc.) and didn’t have to handle any drama over who we picked or didn’t pick. But sometimes I think it would have been so much fun for me to have done all of the wedding stuff with bridesmaids all in tow.
Post # 5
I don’t do anything just because it’s tradition or just because others do it; and in a practical way, I don’t see the use of a bridal party.
We wanted to celebrate our love and our relationship and our commitment very simply, so just us standing.
We had a Destination Wedding, which our close family and friends attended, but in never even crossed our minds to have a bridal party.
Like you, I don’t have many girl friends, one that came.
But again, I don’t understand the purpose of this tradition.
Post # 6
We aren’t either…I think it was a desire to make things simpler, and I sort of felt that having a bridal party felt a little young for me-not that it necesarily is, but I didn’t feel like having pictures with me and a bunch of women dressed in matching dresses (I’ll be 32 when we get hitched). Otherwise, it just felt like more to coordinate, and I just want all my friends and family at the wedding.
Post # 7
I think not having a bridal party makes sense if you are in that situation. I understand what you mean about being at a point in your life where you’re not sure about some of your friendships–people change and grow apart, it happens. My sister just had me as her Maid/Matron of Honor because a) she didn’t feel super strongly about having any other women as her bridesmaids and b) if she had gone the multiple bridesmaid route, she would have had to deal with the awkward hurt feelings/ cut off issues. It turned out perfectly fine and no one appeared to notice at the wedding. If it’s not right for you, don’t do it.
Post # 8
I can totally relate! It’s like I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man curse. The first person I asked in my bridal party, she dropped out of the planet. I thought it was because she’s Italian and in Italy they don’t have a bridal party. So I figured she didn’t realize how important her role was. Then I asked another girl, an American, but she kind of dropped out too (she got engaged, is going to be married several months before me, her fiance is a little possessive, she moved in with him, etc etc). I also asked another Italian girl.. she sounded so hot on it but she’s totally unreliable in many ways (from going out together to studying together… always rescheduling, disorganized, etc).
So in the end I’ve asked my best buddy from high school. But I have no clue whether the other 3 will be on the picture or not. At any rate, I’m not loosing sleep over that. I’m happier to have reconnected with my high school friend than concerned about not having bridesmaids.
Post # 9
I think there would have been drama had I been chosing as well! I should maybe mention that I’m an only child; otherwise if I had siblings they would have been in the mix. I also really don’t care to choose what other people are wearing (a la bridesmaid dress). If one of our family members feels most comfortable attending our wedding in a sponge Bob costume, have at it. (I also don’t think this is going to happen! :)) So really my sister-in-law is going to be just as much of a bridesmaid as any bridesmaid I would have. So’s my mom for that matter. 🙂
I think I can relate to all these posts. I’m 28, so not super old, but I think I’m past the stage where I feel the need to have all my friends surrounding me in matching dresses. (like sarahrun)
Cool. I’m not such a lonely weirdo after all. 🙂
Post # 10
We skipped the bridal party, mostly because we wanted a super simple ceremony–so there’s no procession, no giving away, two close friends are officiating, etc. A secondary reason was that for me, the girlfriends I would have asked were on the other side of the country, so that just seemed like a lot to ask of them (not to mention a lot of cost for them). For Fiance, the people marrying us are two of the three he would likely have chosen, so they still get to participate in the wedding. We have not finalized the ceremony format yet, though, and are leaving open the possibility of maybe doing blessings or something along those lines to include the people who are important to us who might otherwise have been in a bridal party. Honestly the only part of it that I sort of regret is not getting to ask our good friends’ daughter to be our flower girl! (Notably, we’re also in our 30s, so most of our friends are already married, many have young kids, and everyone’s done this a bunch of times before, so it’s not as new and exotic as it was ten years ago.)
We are both doing some of the things you might typically do with your BMs/GM in other ways, though—e.g., a ladies’ spa day the day before the wedding with my good friends, a guys’ night out a week or two beforehand, FSIL/FMIL organizing a shower, etc. So I don’t feel as though we’re missing out on much, especially given that our wedding will be so low-key that some of the traditional bridal party responsibilities aren’t really needed (e.g., no fancy dress or train, no up-do or makeup session to deal with, that sort of thing).
I’ve been to several weddings in the last few years (and headed to another next week) that also skipped bridal parties, too, though I didn’t ask the reasons. For some people, I think it just works.
Post # 11
We decided not to have a bridal party, and I am so happy with that decision. We wanted it to be just about us – it’s our day! We have both been in weddings before, and while it’s fun, it can also be stressful and expensive. Now I don’t have to worry about all those extra decisions of choosing dresses, shoes, etc.
Be happy with your choice, and it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
Post # 12
We won’t be having any attendants. I don’t have many close friends – there is only one that I would ask to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. My guy has MANY friends and wouldn’t be able to choose just one to “match” my one BM/MOH. So we decided to forgo it altogether. And you know, besides that, I kinda love the idea of it just being US up there on our day.
We may ask some of our close friends to do (secular) readings to include them, however.