Post # 1
Ok. So I feel like a total dork asking this, but I really have no clue who to ask to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I want one, but I just feel like I don’t have anyone THAT close to me to be there like that.
So this is my deal. I have a cousin, who lives here (in AZ) with me. I would ask her, but my mom doesn’t think I should because: a. she’s VERY timid and shy and won’t do the normal "MOH" duties. and b. she didn’t even INVITE me to her wedding! She had immediate family & aunts/uncles there but she didn’t include me in the invite! She says she wanted to (she brought it up, not me..) but I guess I’m still really butthurt about this?!
Then I have a girl who I grew up with (we were neighbors when we were little) and we ALWAYS dreamed of the way that our wedding was going to be together down to our dresses and our "dream boys". haha. She lives in CA and since I moved away we’ve drifted apart. She would be a kick butt Maid/Matron of Honor but she lives far away (how to plan anything/throw showers or whatever!?) and (Ok, this is where I’m truly pathetic!) I was reading one of those surveys on Facebook the other day and apparently she doesn’t consider me her best friend anymore. she seriously listed EVERYONE we grew up with.. her current neighbors, cousins, etc.(<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">SMACK in the face to me…) Again, my mom is against the idea since she’s so far away and she thinks she likes to be drama and hog attention. (My mom is BRUTAL but honest.. gotta love her for it!) Should I mention that this friend is also the friend who "stole" boyfriends from me…?
OK I swear I’m really not this immature and butthurt but really truly, I am so lost!
I have 2 other bridesmaids who, again, don’t live here. One is in Minnesota, and the other lives about an hr south of here (she’s the fiance’s sister). The majority of my friends that i hang out with here are my "mom friends" and I’m so busy between playdates with them, school & work that I just haven’t gotten that close to them…
The wedding is set (tentatively) for March 20, 2010, so I have a little bit of time but I want to get this figured out since it’s nagging at me… and besides, how soon do you ask
What to do!? Should I just not have a MOH? What about asking my mom? I don’t even know how she’d react to it… or do you think I should use one of the girls that I mentioned?
Post # 3
I just don’t see that any of the people you mentioned are Maid/Matron of Honor material. It’s really OK to not have one.
Post # 4
I would not ask your mom (because she has enough on her plate as mother of the bride) and I would not ask your cousin since you were not invited to the wedding and you are clearly not feeling close to her. Your Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be the captain of your bridal party so you need someone a) who is organized and b) who is close to you. Neither of my MOHs (I have two!) live in my city but they have both done a wonderful job in helping me with the wedding and the bachelorette/bridal shower planning. I would ask your friend who lives in CA and not worry about the facebook "top friend" thing. At the end of the day, weddings are about the people who mean the most to you and she clearly is important to you. She might feel more distant because you haven’t kept in touch as much but having her as your Maid/Matron of Honor will bring both of you closer again and there is something to be said about history. I would definitely have an Maid/Matron of Honor or otherwise it becomes a bit disorganized but it is totally ok not to have one…after all, it is your wedding and what you want (and the groom) goes!!!
Post # 5
I think it’s completely ok to not have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe you can just spread out the Maid/Matron of Honor duties among several people– like ask your old friend if she can help plan your shower since she’s awesome at events, or something like that.
Nothing wrong with being nontraditional if it doesn’t fit your situation or your needs! The wedding is about you and your Fiance, after all, and the people you love.
Post # 6
You don’t need a maid of honor. I’m not having one either… but it does seem that you have a very special relationship with your mom, so why not ask her to do the honor. You guys may decide that because of the added responsibility, it won’t work… but if it could, wouldn’t that be awesome?
Post # 7
Boy I’d have to go with NO ONE. Your mom should enjoy being the MOB. Your cousin clearly didn’t feel you were important enough to even be there for her wedding, your friend lives on the other coast, and would only really stand there for the ceremony. I’d just have bridesmaids and no Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 8
I might likely agree to the no Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t think it should be the cousin. And I’m not digging the Facebook friend who stole your boyfriends. The Future Sister-In-Law, is really there because of your brother (if you two really got close in a hurry, that would be one thing…) What about the MN friend? You didn’t say much about her. If you’re close to her, I wouldn’t discount her because she’s in MN. It’s not ideal, but it’s been done. If you really want a Maid/Matron of Honor, she might be the one.
I don’t know that I would put more responsibility on MOM. BUt she could be your witness instead of the Maid/Matron of Honor, if you decide not to have one.
Post # 9
If not one is worthy of the title, you shouldn’t give it to anyone since you don’t actually have to have one. So, I voted for No Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 10
my bridesmaid from MN is amazing, but she is a single mom of a 6 month old and I know she wouldn’t be able to handle the stress of the job. i was a single mom before I met FH (now I don’t really know what to term myself in regards to that, lol) so i know she has more important things (i know, i said it! ahhh)… like feeding her son and putting a roof over their heads. that’s why i sort of didn’t even think that way.
my FH and i were talking about it earlier today… what if i asked my cousin and my facebook "sister"? i don’t know. i just feel like i want one… which is pathetic. lol i had a dream last night that my FH was my ManOH because really truly, he’s the one that’s been there for me and is definitely my best friend. all the more reason as to why I’m marrying him! still though…
i agree to the having my mom be the witness if we don’t have anyone. i like the idea and i’m sure it’d be flattering for her but not put anymore stress on her.
the boyfriend stealing thing happened in Jr high. lol. it’s still my mom’s argument against her. i’m over it (they were **shole pricks anyways!)
my son just woke up.. i’ll try to finish this later. thanks girls!
Post # 11
the FH went to take care of him… geeze i’m the luckiest "single mom" alive! 🙂
the "facebook sister" (gotta love the nicknames!) was who i was going to originally ask. she’s who i’ve always planned, except for a "best friend" i had a while ago whom i was very close to (who, of course, slept with the guy i was dating….. which is when i turned to FH as a friend and it made us grow closer! crazy. needless to say, i haven’t talked to her much… and don’t i chose quality best friends!?! lol) but yeah, she’s been it for a while- she just apparently forgot these plans somewhere along the road of life…
i think i’m kind of stuck with the mindset that i need a Maid/Matron of Honor. i guess it’s always just been a part of my plan.. and yes, i’m the girl that likes to have plans for each month of the next decade. (exaggerated but it’s sort of true…)
thanks again girls for your advice! i really do appreciate it!