(Closed) Who generally makes toasts at the reception? Do you have to ask them first?

posted 11 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Traditionally, I think it’s understood that the best man makes a toast, minimum. Often, the maid of honor and sometimes parents will also speak. I don’t think it’s super traditional for the bride and groom to make a toast, but we definitely are. We’re saying some welcoming words together at the start of cocktail hour to recognize how much we appreciate everyone attending.

For us, we DID have to ask our best man if he’d LIKE to give a toast. We didn’t make anyone do it. My sister (MOH) just knew, and when I asked her about it, she was like, “Of COURSE I’m giving a toast!” The best man thought about it for a while since he hates public speaking, and finally agreed to do it, but we wouldn’t have been upset if he didn’t want to. I did, however, ask my Uncle to say a few words, if he wanted. My dad’s not in the picture, and my mom is terrified of public speaking, and my Uncle is like my dad, and he was honored I asked, and is apparently really excited about giving his toast.

I would just put your feelers out there, and casually ask people if they’d like to say a few words, but don’t pressure them. I’m not at all afraid of public speaking, but some people hate it, and you don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable.

Post # 4
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I know that the Best Man, the Maid of Honor, and the Father of the Bride generally give toasts. They are usually expected to do this, but it always is good to ask them anyways, just in case. I’ve been to weddings where it goes either way with the bride and groom. Sometimes they say a few words, sometimes they don’t. That is really up to you, if you and your Fiance feel like you have something you’d like to share with your guests or even just to thank them for being there on your big day. Hope that helps!

Post # 5
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Our Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor both gave toasts. My sister (MOH) knew she would be giving a toast becuse she had been a Maid/Matron of Honor twice before, and we just let the Bridesmaid or Best Man know that he should give a speech, which he was actually pretty excited about. He already assumed he was going to, though. My parents did not host our wedding, though (we mostly did), so there was no need for my step-dad to give a speech. I think when the wedding is hosted by the brides parents, the father usually gives a speech. I agree that a speech should be given by the Bridesmaid or Best Man at minimum, though.

Post # 6
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Please, please tell them in advance! I was a Maid/Matron of Honor and all of a sudden someone says “are you ready for your speech”? I was HORRIFIED. I did not know in advance, and I am a very nervous public speaker! The speech was awful and probably did not make any sense. Honestly I was a little ticked off, I was never a Maid/Matron of Honor before so how was I supposed to know? 

Post # 7
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@georgie girl–that must have been awful!  I hate being put on the spot like that!

Post # 8
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

The people who traditionally make toasts are the best man, maid/matron of honour, father of the bride, mother of the groom, and basically anyone else the couple wants to say a few words (siblings, the other parent, etc.). It’s always best to clarify with everyone beforehand…but it’s usually understood that the people mentioned above will be toasting. Some couples have open mic, where whovever wants to can give a short toast to the couple/tell a short annecdote/read a piece of poetry, etc. Some even use this as the “make the bride & groom kiss!” thing, rather than allowing guests to shatter champagne flutes.

Post # 9
3315 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

At the luncheon following the ceremony, the toasts will be given by the Maid/Matron of Honor and the “dude of honor.”  However, they will not be there for the reception back home a few days later, so we will likely ask some close friends to do toasts.

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