Post # 17
We addressed the invitations only to the guy friends/girl friends and the ones that were in serious relatinoships sent back saying 2 were attending. Some of the guys that didn’t have serious dates, called and asked to bring someone. We appreciated that they called and allowed them to bring a date. For the most part, they all honored that the invitation was sent to one person and we expected only one person to be coming.
Post # 18
We’re going the long-term relationship route. Mostly, if we know the name of the person’s significant, othere, he/she gets invited. If they haven’t been around long enough for us to learn their name, then it’s a no-go. If you’re inviting all of the fraternity brothers, then they will have each other to keep them company. I’ve been to several sorority sisters’ weddings with only my other sisters as my date. Where I’d be careful is how you make the split–I had a friend who only invited husbands of sorority sisters, and I was upset that my fiance wasn’t invited also. (She also failed to invite a husband of a couple who got married a few weeks before she did!). Double check your list to make sure you avoid those snafus. Otherwise, I think it’s find for the boys to have a table to themselves.
Post # 19
Check any of my previous posts and you can see where I stand-everyone should get a plus one.
While I can see your point, I think you need to think a little more about what will happen if you don’t invite some with a plus one.
1) How many of these friends are going to be invited with the plus one versus not? If you’re talking 20 without a plus one and 2 with, the ones without won’t feel weird but if the number combo is different than it might be more obvious. The ones who don’t have a plus one could feel awkward sitting at the singles table.
2) How many single girls are going to be there? If you’re inviting 20 single guys and 2 single girls their age, expect it to be awkward especially during dancing.
3) Do you really want 20 single guys to be completely single at the wedding? Dates tend to keep men in line. If they have no one to keep them in line, I would expect them to be rowdy.
You might want to keep your hubby’s feelings in mind. If he wants to give them plus ones, do it.
Post # 20
If at all possible I would just save yourself the aggravation of figuring this out and invite them all with +1s. Your fiance knows these guys: are they actually going to bring someone whom they are not actively dating (and thus whom you would invite anyway)? You can just have him say, "hey guys, if you’ve got a significant other you can bring them but otherwise remember you’re all going to be able to hang out with one another anyway and we need the space." Could you ask them to self-police?
Post # 21
You should not allow the single guys have a +1 because that can easily double your guest list and reception costs. I was in a sorority and I can see there will be many people that you will have to invite, but letting every single person bring a date would end up costing you a lot more than you budgeted for. I think people will understand when you tell them if you have a venue or budget limitation, especially in this economy.
Post # 22
I was always pretty firmly in the camp of "I don’t want strangers at my wedding" so we stuck with the "married, engaged or living together" rule. There were, of course, exceptions (aren’t there always?) but the couple of people that asked about it seemed very understanding when we told them that we just didn’t have the extra space. Though I think that flies differently depending on how big a wedding you’re throwing – if there’s 300+ people, some guests might have a hard time believing that just one more would even be noticed. If you’re hosting 50 or so, it makes a whole lot more sense.
Post # 23
Wow, thanks everyone. I don’t think there is anything wedding related that everyone will agree on 100%… especially since more and more, society is doing away with traditions, and like many of you said, doing a smaller, more personal wedding (which would mean no +1s, and no offense). Inviting 20 of his fraternity brothers isn’t inviting the whole house by any means. We went to University of ILlinois where the greek system is HUGE and the houses on campus are really big. Also, he was the prez so he had to get close with everyone! So 20 IS trying to keep it low. I think it would be better to invite more guys with no dates than to try to accomodate for dates (which will most likely be random) and cut down on the guys.
Someone earlier mentioned that usually if you don’t have a +1 to bring, you come by yourself…I know people my age don’t know that because I’ve heard many people say they’re going to "some wedding with X" as a date. People have no idea how much ‘per plate’ costs! I know I didn’t!
I’m sure we’ll figure it out. It’s an awkward stage in our lives because we were really close with some people not too long ago all living in the same 3 apartments near by on campus, and now that we’re graduated, I wonder, will I ever talk to them again? But I feel like I should invite them because we WERE really good friends…oy. Decisions, decisions.
Thanks again everyone! I love Bee Wisdom.
Post # 24
Personally I think you have to take each person individually. I know we looked at if they were in a commited relationship they could bring a date. If not they could come and "find" a date hahaha– Think about it this way– 30 years from now you want to look through your photos and know all the faces staring back at you…
If you wouldn’t take them to Outback steak house today for dinner and PAY for it without thinking twice they shouldn’t be on the guest list… best advice I ever got!
Post # 25
We are older than you guys and we’re definitely not giving everyone a plus one! Married (obviously), engaged, or living together couples get a plus one. That’s it. I think most people understand that wedding guest lists have constraints, and your solution of putting the frat guys together at a table sounds fine. Or, if you have single girlfriends coming, you could mix them all together 😉
Post # 26
We are not doing any +1 for anyone who isn’t dating right now. If your together now and break up in the mean time, then your coming alone. I agree that it makes a significant difference in the amount of money you spend, and I don’t want to have to spend money on someone I don’t know!
Post # 27
We are only doing plus ones for the people in long term commited relationships, but our wedding is sort of destinationy and it’s an all weekend event. So we just don’t see it as appropriate to have all kinds of random girlfriends and such at the wedding.
Post # 28
My questions for everyone is did every guest following the guest, no guest rule? On the response card you put "number attending______" and they insert. The outer envelope may say Ms. Joan Smith only but what if the guest doesn’t get it and puts that 2 are attending?
I’m beginning to get that back at me and I don’t know what to do.