Post # 1
So I have an interesting situation. I’ve been recently trying to decide the guestlist to send my MOH/ BMs for the bachelorette, and I’m having a tough time. I have 8 bridesmaids and I was kind of thinking that would be a good number — although one can’t go, so it would be a total of 8 of us. I recently found out one of my bridesmaids had been talking about the bachelorette with some of our close friends, and they all plan on attending now. One of them even forgoed buying a ticket to a big festival she wanted to go to. So now I’m in an awkward position… If I only invite the bridesmaids, this friend is likely to be very upset with me because she missed out on this concert she wanted to go to, even though I told her to buy her ticket because I wasn’t sure what was happening with the bachelorette party. I would like to invite these friends, but a couple months ago there was a huge falling out between some of them and I’m worried there would be “drama”. And that is the last thing I want. I think it would be fun to have these girls there, but I’m worried about having to jump between groups and put out fires. I would hope that my girls could be mature about this, but to be honest I have my doubts.
What would you do in this situation?
Post # 2
It’s her own fault for basically inviting herself to your party. As far as I’ve always been aware, the bachelorette party is just for the bridesmaids and bride, so I’d just keep it to those eight people so that you have a very distinct line as to who’s invited and who’s not. That way she can’t get too upset– it’s not like you invited Random Friends A, B, and C but not her, it’ll just be the bridal party.
Post # 3
Very true. That was my plan, so that I could avoid anymore hurt feelings. There was already a huge issue with me choosing bridesmaids because a few of my friends were pretty upset that I didn’t put them in the bridal party, so I was worried they would feel this is another slap in the face by not being invited. I know I am trying to please too many people, but, I just feel bad.
Post # 4
I’ve never understood a bachelorette to only include BM’s, but other close girlfriends of the bride as well. Can’t tell in this situation whether this friend/friends invited themselves or whether that particular Bridesmaid or Best Man indicated to them that they would be included. The Bridesmaid or Best Man probably should have conferred with you about who you want there first, but I’ll bet she assumed you’d love to have some of your other close friends as well, and started asking about their availability. This is not completely strange if the BM’s have decided to plan the bachelorette, and in fact if they’re the ones hosting then they ultimately get to plan things like where, when, whom.
Post # 5
I would say it’s COMPLETELY up to you. You can also start the party with just your closest girls (your bridesmaids and then open it up to others later on in the night. I opted to just have my bridesmaids for a nice dinner and some drinks and then later on, we rented a party boat to cruise around and opened it up to anyone who would want to join in on the fun. It’s kinda the best of both worlds! We also all wore TaTa Tops (http://www.thetatatop.com) on the boat. It was pretty fun and hilarious.
Post # 6
At some point, you have to make decisions and stick to them. You can’t please everyone, so figure out who’s most important to you and focus on them. Make sure that you’re on that list of important people.
Post # 7
I friggin love tata tops! lol I want one so bad but I am typically a one piece gal lol
Post # 8
I’ve always thought it was BMs + other friends.
I think it would be really nice if you could include your other friends, especially since some of them were disappointed that they didn’t get to be in the bridal party.
If you are worried about drama though, it might be worth chatting to your BMs about your concerns. When they invite the friends in question they could have a private tactful word with them and say that you would love to have them there, but if they think they are going to have issues with the other guests you’ll understand if they don’t come. I know it’s not technically polite to give an invitation with conditions, but under the circumstances I think you’re within your rights. It’s also showing consideration for the other guests present.
Post # 9
as far as im aware a bacholette is just another name for a hen… if you WANT a small one you could just invite the bridesmaid/mothers but this is a modern-ish thing – orignially ‘shower’ (as americans have) or ‘bottom draw’ (as british USE to have) event would of been for only these women and the whole original point of the hen was that they are simple huge blow outs (in the old days big cake and tea parties, then as it got more modern dancing became fashion and then alcohol) with all your friends to celebrate the end of single life (and much more appropriate to invite friends because its a non gifting event)
things have changed now, anxous people want small/quiet ones and lots of people want big expensive ones but thats not the original point of them
Post # 10
I’ve never heard of a bachelorette party being busy for brides maids, but if that’s what you want, you have that right. I had all my friends there, but that’s just me.