Post # 1
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
Hi bees!
Future Mother-In-Law has graciously offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner at out favourite local restaurant, and we’re trying to get an idea of numbers, as they have a room we can book for it.
So, who gets invited?
I’m thinking wedding party (and plus ones), parents on both sides (and step parents), siblings, and out of town guests? I’m assuming this only includes people who will be coming the night before the wedding (ie, do we invite them once we know their travel plans, or do ask them to come early?)
I’m just curious because the wedding itsel fis small (60 people), and I don’t want to basically invite the entire wedding guest list to the rehearsal!
Also, do you think it’s acceptable to have it be a “semi-dry” dinner? We were thinking of maybe having wine and beer, but if people want mixed drinks, etc they’d have to purchase themselves? Or do you think we can nix that completely and just serve pop? What have you ladies done?
Post # 3
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
I’ve seen rehearsal dinners that are solely wedding party (+1), parents, and couple and I’ve seen larger ones that are practically the whole wedding list. I’d ask your Future Mother-In-Law what she has in mind…that’s what I did and she thinks it should just be the smaller group, which is fine with me.
I think semi dry is definitely fine for most groups. It’s the night before the wedding so for the most part I doubt people will go wild. But you know your group.
Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
We invited everyone to the rehersal dinner. Our wedding was a destination wedding for everyone except Mother-In-Law.
We let everyone know via the wedding website and invitation that there would be a rehersal dinner they were all invited to as well as a day after brunch.
ETA: As for your other question, I think a wine & beer rehersal dinner is fine. I wouldn’t go full dry (unless that’s what your Mother-In-Law wants) but I don’t think you need to have a full open bar.
Post # 5
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
For my rehearsal dinner we are only inviting the bridal party, immediate family, and the officiant who is a close family friend. I opted not to invite any guests or friends who didn’t fall into the former mentioned categories bc the number of guests could get out of hand. Plus I’ll see these guests at my wedding and reception. As for alcohol, we’ll provide beer and soda. With the wedding the next day, I don’t want any hang overs to worry about. I think most people will be respectful of whatever you decide regarding number or size especially considering your Future Mother-In-Law is paying.
Post # 6
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee
@kate02121: Good point, thanks! I did discuss with Future Mother-In-Law and she mentioned a pricepoint which was double what we thought, so I’m not worried about the money necessarily, more about not “slighting” anyone by not inviting them.
I think with our numbers it probably makes sense to keep it small (and let everyone enjoy a beer or two:))
Post # 7
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
so far our numbers is 23– my children who r gonna be in the wedding. significate other of fil.fil my parents, fi mom,his two aunts, 5 bridesmaids, 4 grooms men(fil is best man) the officant and his wife. he wants to rent out the entire resturant so we may need to add more aunts uncles cosuins siblings on my side and then significate others of the bridal party…. i told them no sake bombs or soju bombs other then that they can drink a little bit.if they chose to but if they r hammered or hung over on my wedding day i will be absolutly pissed off. lol
Post # 8
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
bridal party, parents and siblings (perhaps grandparents also if they are in the procession). Not out of town guests as well. Semi dry is completely reasonable.
Post # 9
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
be sure you make it clear to the bartenders/waitstaff that you are only offering to pay for beer & wine!!! or if you feel comfortable, let your guests know so they dont just order whatever they want.
my parents had these same intentions for my brother’s wedding, and ended up having to pay for mixed drinks, shots, etc. that we never knew were being served (since they had already discussed the drink options with the restaurant). either the bartender wasnt strict enough or the word was never spread, but at the end of the night my parents spent a lot more than they were figuring they would have spent. not cool!!!!
Post # 10
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
We invited the bridal party and their dates, our familes and all out of towners. In all we invited about 60 guests and had about 50 there. It was REALLY fun!
Post # 11
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
It looks like we are going to be inviting the bridal party, close family AND Out of Town guests. It’s going to be huge and I’m not overly thrilled about that — but c’est la vie! Good thing Future Father-In-Law is paying because if it was left up to us it would be much smaller.
Post # 12
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
I think as long as you include the bridal party, their dates and close family you are all good. Everything else is up to you. We are doing Out of Town because we have tons of Out of Town people (hey thats what happens when we get married in Fiance hometown, not mine). So we are expecting a lot of people, luckily Future In-Laws are being very generous. I think beer/wine and soda is fine. Nobody should complain about that, they are still getting free dinner and drinks. Enjoy!
Post # 13
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
Typically (in the south), it’s the wedding party, minister, musicians/vocalists, wedding director, parents/grandparents, siblings, and out-of-town guests.
All of these are allowed to bring their date/spouse.
I have seen rehearsal dinners where out of town guests were not invited.
I have seen rehearsal dinners where EVERYONE was invited.
Post # 14
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
My Future Mother-In-Law is also graciously paying for the rehearsal dinner- which I had wanted to limit to wedding party (+1’s), parents, official and us- but she’s asking us to include her 3 friends, her sister and the sister’s kids, FH’s other aunt and friend, etc. etc. etc. It went from about 20 people to 50 people- and it’s making me nuts because she’s on a fixed income and I don’t know why she’s making it more expensive for herself. Not to mention I wanted it to be intimate and only include those involved in the actual wedding- but she is pretty adamant about including certain people. I also didn’t want it to take all night since we’re having a bonfire at our venue immediately after for all our Out of Town guests staying at the Inn (our venue).
I guess I have to suck it up?? I’m thinking if I have a set time for the bonfire it will help speed things along, and this way we have to leave by a certain time. She originally wanted to include all Out of Town guests (even though EVERY guest is OOT!)- so I guess this is a (baby) step in the right direction…
Post # 15
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
We just argued this last night. Fiance wants to invite EVERYONE! I guess the issue is we’re having a non-traditional rehearsal dinner and he thinks we should invite everyone who is coming to the wedding because he doesn’t want people to hear about it and get offended they weren’t invited. I don’t think everyone expects to be invited to a rehearsal dinner though and I would rather not pay for wedding catering twice, so I think we should just invite out of town guests, immediate family and the wedding party. Unfortunately, that is pretty much his entire guest list and only his guest list…
Post # 16
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
I always thought wedding party and dates, parents, grandparents are must-haves. Others participating in the ceremony are likely invited as well, such as readers and ushers. And I think a lot of people ask out of town guests.
