(Closed) who gets thank-you gifts?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you’re good. Maybe a nice framed picture for FI’s grandparents just so they’re not left out of the gift-giving.

I gave all of my bridesmaids little Starbucks gift cards in their thank you cards after the shower, and wrote an extra-thankful thankyou in their cards 🙂

I’m not planning on gifting our officiant. I don’t know if you’re supposed to, but that seems like a little much to me.

Also, my mom’s friend is going above and beyond and growing the flowers for our wedding and doing all of the arrangements. We’re planning on giving her a gift, so if there’s anyone who you think really did a lot to help, I’d probably give them something too.

Good luck! The etiquette stuff is out of control with weddings, just keep asking questions and don’t feel like you need to follow every rule. Be grateful and follow your intuition, and everyone will know that you appreciate them.

Post # 4
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is how I’m thinking of it: anyone who helped in a significant way gets a gift. For me, this includes:


bridal party

officiant (who is also a family friend)


a friend of mine who will be helping significantly with my diy projects

my mom’s friend who is letting us use her house the day of the wedding to get ready in

Post # 5
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I checked in with Peggy Post’s “Wedding Etiquette*, and I think you have all the bases covered now.

* Attendant Gifts (Groom to Bestman, Groomsmen / Ushers AND Bride to Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaids, Jr. Bridesmaids, AND to the Ring Bearer & Flower Girl if you have those)

* Gifts for each other on your Wedding Day – optional, but you’ll feel crummy if you don’t discuss this as a couple beforehand and work out what you plan to do… sucks if he buys you something nice and you don’t get him anything to mark the occasion

* Gifts for Parents – optional, but most couples do do this.  Can be done the Day Of the Wedding, or you can get them a nice Thank You after (many couples purchase a “Parent’s Photo Album” from their Photographer for just this reason)

* Gifts for Kindness – Anyone who does something helpful for you as you get ready for the Wedding.  BUT in particular HOSTING, they should be given a Thank You Gift (ie Hosting the Engagement Party, a Shower, taking in Out-of-Town Guests etc)

* Miscellaneous Gifts

Wedding Officiants seem to come in 3 formats.  Contracted directly by you, Contracted thru the Church, or they are an Ordained Relative or Friend.  If the first, you don’t need to do anything other than pay the fee they advertise.  If the second, then you need to tip them for their service if a flat rate fee payable to them wasn’t part of the dea for their services (vs the church space) and, lastly, if a Relative or Friend is officiating, then you should offer to pay them, if they won’t accept payment, then a gift is appropriate.

Wedding Helpers – Anyone who did something special for you at the Ceremony or Reception would appreciate a small token of appreciation (besides a Thank You Card).  So, Readers, Soloists, Musicians, a Friend who acted as MC, maybe a cousin, neice or nephew who took around the Guest Book etc.

Children – if either of the Bride or Groom have children, then getting them a gift is a way to make them feel included in this special event that brings two families, into one.

Other Relatives (Siblings, GrandParents, GodParents, Special Aunts & Uncles etc) – Often times you’ll want to reach out to others in the family for supporting you as a couple on this joyous occasion.  A printed Wedding Photo makes a nice gift to recognize this.

Hope this helps,


Post # 6
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

these are the people we’re giving gifts to:

our entire bridal party

our parents- they’re getting an 11×14 print, i think. it was part of our photography package. and i’m also going to make an album for them after the wedding (but my fiance’s parents have done absolutely nothing for the wedding, so i’m kinda like, “why should i get them a thank you gift?” lol. i sound like such a bitch, but i’m not, i swear.)

my aunt & uncle- they’ve helped us out a lot, so we’re going to make an album for them

our officiant

our grandmas- they’re getting an 8×10 print, just because


Post # 8
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m planning on gifts to my parents, his parents, BMs, special one for Maid/Matron of Honor, Groomsmen, and a special one for best man.


Then I do plan on having small wedding favors (mini caramel apples!)

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