Post # 1
I’m a very laid-back, non-materialistic person, so the idea of Bachelorette parties and Bridal Showers is overwhelming for me. I told my sisters (maid & matron of honor) for my Bachelorette party, I’d love to just get all my friends together and either go to the zoo or have a beach party and a fun dinner. I told my mom that for my bridal shower, I’d love to just have an “afternoon tea” party in the back room of my parents’ church, we can make our own finger sandwiches and little cakes and stuff. Simple, low-cost, non-attention drawing parties where everyone can just enjoy themselves and relax.
Now that we’re actually planning these things, I think my sisters want to throw me a “big” bachelorette party, with penis-shaped things and going out. I don’t drink very much and have never been out to a club for dancing, so it’s not exactly something I’d choose. My cousins (who are also bridesmaids) have contacted my mom and said they’d like to throw the bridal shower for me themselves, so I have no idea what they’d have in store, but I certainly hope they don’t spend much money (I am a VERY budget-conscious person, and I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to throw them that kind of shower when they get married).
So my question is, who gets the say in what these parties should be like? I really would prefer low-key, relaxing celebrations, but I’m (pleasantly?) discovering that my loved ones are really looking forward to celebrating my wedding in a bigger way, but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and guilty. My mom says I should just graciously accept the parties everyone wants to throw for me and enjoy them. What does the Bee say??
Post # 3
you definetely should have some input. But ultimately the person planning it makes the decisions as well.
If your not happy with what you think they are planning maybe sit them down and tell them to scale it back a notch. From the little things that you have heard its not you and offer suggestions to suit you and hopefully they listen.
It wont be a good party if you dont enjoy it.
Post # 4
I would say you should definitely get some input. I am actually have two bridal showers and bachelorette parties… I am orginally from WI and half my girls are WI, and the other half are from MN, where I live now. My WI one will be lowkey and smaller for sure as my Matron of Honor is just that way. My Maid of Honor that is from MN is a little more wild and crazy, but we are older and neither of us want to do any too crazy. My Maid asked me specifically what I wanted to do. I just don’t want any blow-up penises or any of that as I am a teacher, and going back to school for my Principal’s license, so literally, I just can’t do that… My girls understand and are willing to do whatever!
Post # 5
The bridesmaids generally plan these parties so they call the shots. However if your adamant about wanting things low key then they should respect. I do think they’re just trying to make your parties fun & you should be gracious with whatever they end up planning, hopefully it’ll be what you want.
Post # 6
I agree you should have some input – I mean these are supposed to be the people that know you best. They should be able to plan a party you want without conferring with you, but I think sometimes they get so wrapped up in the planning they forget it’s for the bride and not them! Good luck! I’m not aware what’s going on (or when) either of mine are so…I’m interested to see what happens…
Post # 7
I’m anal when it comes to anything involving me so I’ve had the say in everything. However, everyone is different. I was Maid/Matron of Honor last year for one of my best friends and her mom took over the bridal shower. I disagreed with what her mother wanted so I backed off from planning it bc I knew my friend wouldnt like it. It was a surprise so my friend (the bride) had no say. She hated it but it wasn’t my fault.
Post # 8
my shower is a surprise, i’ve casually mentioned some things that i would like at my shower, but my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids are the ones planning it.
my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning my bachelorette party, but i told her what i wanted. she is taking care of all the details.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
The individuals throwing the parties should take into consideration the bride’s preferences, but they are not required to follow those preferences to a T.
Case in point, bride told me she didn’t want her shower to be at someone’s house or a restaurant, wanted me to invite 52 people, wanted it to be a surprise (the bride works both Saturdays and Sundays every single weekend!), and wanted it to be potluck style. Well if it’s not at a house or a restaurant, that leaves me with an event venue as my only option in February. Renting one of those starts at $500 and I’d still need to supply tables, chairs, and decor. And a potluck is great if most people are local, but 75% of her invite list was out of towners. So that would be 25% of the guests providing food for 100% of the people. Logistically, that does not work. So I said, “screw it” to her preferences because they didn’t match with reality. One friend hosted at her house, I self-catered the whole thing, and it turned out lovely. The bride cried tears of joy. In the end it didn’t matter that I didn’t follow her exact preferences; what mattered was that I pulled off the surprise (talked to her boss on the DL so they would not schedule her to work that day), managed to keep the low key vibe that she was going for in the first place, and managed to make it a day she will not soon forget.
Post # 10
i asked my girls to please not throw me a kitschy penis-shaped-suckers-and-plastic-tiaras bachelorette party, and they listened (we’re going on a girls’ weekend out in the country for wine and chocolate tastings!) i don’t think i could ever throw a party the bride didn’t want, wouldn’t they want the bride to have a good time?