Post # 1
So, FI and I come from very different types of families. First, mine is bigger. Each of my parents has two (living) siblings and each of them has at least three kids, and a lot of them have kids too. Plus, we’re all very close. I still see almost all of my cousins at holidays, and we always attend important events like weddings unless there is a really good reason not to. All told, I’ll have approximately 60ish family members at our wedding.
FI’s family is smaller. His mom doesn’t talk to her family AT ALL, and he hasn’t seen them in over a decade. They’re not invited at his and his mother’s request. His dad’s family is also smaller and we found out this weekend that his grandparents won’t be making the trip because they’ll be wintering in florida and they don’t want to come back (ugh). So that means that the only members of his family that will definitely be there are his dad/step mom, mom/step dad, and sister. There is also a possibility of two uncles with their wives and two other relatives. So, a MAXIMUM of 11 people (and maybe a handful of kids). More likely it will be under 10 people.
He doesn’t seem that concerned about it, but I want to know how to minimize looking so lopsided? I feel bad that the wedding is almost like its just for my family or something. ESPECIALLY because we can’t seat his dad and mom together which means they’re at two separate tables and there prob isn’t even going to be enough people to fill the rest of their tables unless there are people from my fam at them.
I know for sure we will not seat by side for the ceremony. Other than parents/my grandma I’ll just tell the ushers to seat people randomly and evenly on both sides. How else can I make things more even? How did other people deal with this? Or was it just not even a big deal?
Post # 3
Are there many friends on your list? You could ‘use’ them to even things out a bit! FI’s family is big and close, mine is middling big and not so close, so we’re compromising and not inviting any cousins if we can get away with it. I really want, to be honest, to have as many people at our wedding that we care about as possible, and that we want to spend the day with, rather than people we’re tied to by blood , but that we see at funerals, or exchange christmas cards with.
Post # 4
Oh I feel you on this one. I’m knee-deep in guest lists right now, since we’re hoping to sign for our venue soon, and thus want to prepare our parents for the guest cut-offs so they don’t go verbally inviting everyone they know. (It happened to FSIL!)
My side of the family is bigger, technically, but R’s side of “must invites” is HUGE – his grandparents all got divorced, remarried, and divorced again. So he has 8 people coming just from the grandparents side of things. Eek! When we added up the guest list so far, his was about 70% of guests if not more.
I honestly have to say it’s just not that noticeable at weddings I’ve been to. You’re not supposed to “divide” the seating in my local culture/tradition, anyway, beyond the first few rows. So that’s not noticeable, and in my experience at the reception, as long as you handle your seating chart well, it’s rarely noticeable to anyone but you.
Post # 5
I don’t think it is really a big deal. This happens in a lot of situations. I would just make sure that your ushers evenly seat your guests and then in regards to tables if you want you can put a brides table next to a grooms guest table. The venue doesn’t have to have brides guests on one side and grooms on another. My brother just got married and for 200 people, my mother only got 25 guests. While it was a big deal that my some of our immediate family wasn’t invited to the wedding on the wedding day you didn’t even notice a difference.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t really worry much about it. There’s no rule that says you can’t sprinkle your family/friends among his. In fact, that’s what our banquet manager suggested to us. Just to get folks talking and mingling outside of who they’d normally speak to.
Post # 7
DH’s side: 85
My side: 5
Yeah. I’d say it was lopsided =]. We just had everybody sit wherever for the ceremony and dinner, yeah, my family was at one table and there were 10 tables of his family and then 3 tables of our friends. But what can you do?
Post # 8
@aunt pol- we totally agree which is why fi is really not that worried about the fact that he wont have many fam members on his side. He honestly doesn’t SEE many of his fam members often and he just isn’t close with them at all. We’re definitely inviting my whole family because I actually like them/see them multiple times/year… but on the plus side it IS nice that the only people who will be coming are people who know and love us. We’re not having any of the great-aunt-ruth-who-i-haven’t-seen-since-kindergarden type folks coming 🙂
I guess we just worry about this more at assigning-tables time and try to spread everyone out. Glad to hear we aren’t the only people this happens to though.
Post # 9
I have a very small family… okay I have a big family but I do not have contact with 99% of them. However the bf has a medium sized family but his family is CLOSE. So as far as family members fo I will have maybe 3… no joke. And he will have maybe 30. However we both have a lot of friends that will even it out (alothough bf was born in raised in the town we live in so he will def have more guests than me).
Oh and we will prob try and intermingle everyone as far as seating goes.