(Closed) Who has differences in families?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My husband’s family iis very close.  While I love my parents dearly, we are not too big into family togetherness.  The first Christmas I visited was a little overwhelming but I’ve learned to enjoy it.  I hang out with my Father-In-Law who is a bit easily overwhelmed so we go hide in the quiet somewhere. I also have an anxiety disorder but I was pretty open with husband’sparents so they know I’m not just being anti-social.  

Post # 4
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

me.  our families couldn’t be more different.  I won’t get into the details but it took me a long time to learn to deal with DH’s family.

Post # 5
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

@Meowkers:  Same here and I’m still trying to learn how to deal with them, lol.

Post # 6
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Our families are SO different.  I love them very much but it does present it’s challenges at times.  

Post # 7
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My FH was raised very religious, I wasn’t. My parents and I are pretty tight knit, while his family is a little more stand offish. I was brought up in a liberal household, he in a conservative one. I grew up in a middle class househol, FH in a barely above poverty home.

 

 

 

Sometimes it’s been difficult, but we’ve made it work. FH has really changed his outlook on several things since we’ve been together. The fact that FH grew up poor makes him appreciate more, which makes me appreciate things more. But, we all got along. I enjoy spending time with his dad and his sister, and I absolutely adored his mother. FH has a harder time dealing with my family than I do with his. 

 

Post # 8
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It hasn’t yet, but I think it will make a huge impact on our parenting styles when we decide to have kids.

My mom was super strict to the point of being downright paranoid. I had to ask permission to do anything or go anywhere, I had to be home by 10 p.m. on non-school nights (although she’d be calling me frantically at 9:15 asking where I was), and years later I found out she would actually often FOLLOW ME whenever I went out to make sure I was where I said I was going to be. I was not allowed to watch certain TV shows/movies or play certain video games.

When my Fiance was in high school, he was allowed to have his friends over and get drunk, and his parents were okay with it as long as no one was driving. He could watch whatever he wanted, play violent video games, swear, etc.

I love my mother with all my heart, but I’m more like her in that respect than I wish I were. I have a feeling I’m going to end up being “bad cop” when my Fiance and I become parents!

Post # 9
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh god yes.

I come from a very big, close family – I interact on a regular basis with pretty much all of my first and second cousins, and I even had my dad’s fifth half cousin from Scotland at our wedding simply because, in my family, everyone keeps in touch and gets along. On top of that, my immediate family are very laid back, fun, open people willing to try anything (think the Focker family from Meet the Fockers and you’ll be pretty close). We’re also pretty much all somewhere on the atheist spectrum.

My in-laws may come from a largish family, but they generally don’t get along or keep in touch with anyone other than immediate family (fiance has never met any family more extended that his first cousins). His family usually have some kind of feud going with each other at some point or another, and seem to expect everyone to pick sides (you can’t just stay out of it!). They are also very conservative and don’t like stepping outside of their comfort zones. On top of that, they’re also quite strict Catholics, so there have been a few minor issues in that respect.

For the most part, it hasn’t affected too much about our relationship, but it caused a few issues during wedding planning. It’s also been difficult because my husband prefers my family’s company to his – it’s very relaxed and welcoming, etc. so his family have felt a little neglected in that respect. They’re also quite overbearing and controlling of husband’s life, so that’s been a struggle for me to see (coming from a family that would be equally happy if I were a stripper or a CEO). On the plus side, husband’s experience with my family has helped him draw some boundaries with his own and set some standards for how he should be treated.

 

Post # 10
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Our families couldn’t be more different as well. It’s literally like My Big Fat Greek Wedding. DH’s family is loud and in-your-face, but very loyal and supportive. My family is quiet and reserved, but not intrusive. We’ve been together for years and I’m still learning and adjusting. I’m also an introvert by nature, so I can get easily exhausted by his family.

Post # 11
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh, I actually did think of something that affects us now.

My Fiance and his family are weirdly territorial about their food. In my family, anything in the fridge is for anyone. The only time we feel we need to ask “Can I have this?” is if it’s someone’s specific leftovers from a restaurant or something. But in FI’s family, everything is designated for a specific person – FI’s TV dinners, FI’s mom’s yogurt, FI’s sister’s tea, etc, and they get pissed if someone else eats it.

Unfortunately, Fiance carried that habit over when we moved in together. I hate that he feels the need to ask “Can I have your ____?” before eating something (that we went shopping for together) or making snide comments if I eat something of “his.” It’s annoying and makes me feel like we’re roommates instead of a couple sometimes!

Post # 12
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Our families are SO different.  In my family, if you want something, you ask directly.  In his, everything is indirect and passive.  In my family, women are respected as equal to men.  In his, not so much (my fiance and his sister, my best friend, are the only ones who have any respect for women outside of being housewives).  

Post # 13
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Regina Phalange:  OMG my fiance is like this, too!  I’m like…we can share…it’s OUR fridge…

Post # 14
Member
7220 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@misspshiz:  Yes and at times it makes things very difficult. To start- his parents are divorced. I grew up very sheltered and didn’t really know anyone who was divorced so that was new for me. Also, my family is small and very close while FI’s family is huge and not very close at all. He doesn’t even know all of his cousin’s names because of how large (and not close) his family is. 

Post # 16
Member
3283 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Our families are pretty different. My immediate family is a little, um, dysfunctional (parents divorced, dad been married three times, I am the only child, so LOTS of pressure and attention on me) but on the plus side, we are very close to our extended family, and when I lived in the same state as my family, I usually saw grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc, multiple times a week.

 

FI’s immediate family is Stepford-perfect: two married parents, three sweet and calm and wonderful kids. They are flat-out Midwestern normal, haha. What is super weird to me is that he is not close with his extended family at all–like, we were going through a list of aunts/uncles/cousins we might want to invite to our post-DW family reception, and he didn’t even know their last names!!

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