(Closed) Who has differences in families?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Our families are very different but both awesome. It has taken a bit of adjusting by everyone,but it works out well. Luckily my fiance is very easy going.

Post # 20
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room

My Fiance and I both grew up poor. He, however, grew up in a poor house where his mom loved him and kept the house spotless. I grew up in a poor house where I was not loved and it was a filthy hoarder house. I like that we have some common ground, but sometimes it’s hard for him to relate to me when it comes to family.

My ex grew up in the freakin’ Brady Bunch. He couldn’t relate to me at all and never really had to cope with anything. That made our arguments extremely passive aggressive because he couldn’t respond well to my PTSD. We could never solve anything important because of this and ultimately led to our decline.

Post # 21
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

@misspshiz:  Yes, it has made things almost terribly difficult.

 

His family is small: 2 older brothers (who have a different dad than he does, and he isn’t close to them AT ALL,) and his mom. He’s never met his own father. His mom is cold and raised him like more of a buddy than a mom. The first time I met his mom, I kid you not, after she said hi, she said: “We’re Irish. We don’t hug.” … Ooook?

 

Meanwhile, my family is my mom and dad, older sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins, and even MORE cousins. We’re ALL very close, warm-hearted, loud, and loving. They’ve embraced the Fiance with open arms and they all love him to death.

 

It makes me jealous… he’s getting a new awesome family, and I’m getting a handful of assh*les. lol

Post # 23
Member
469 posts
Helper bee

Oh, how we’re different! So many ways…

 

SO is from a divorced family, mom remarried, and is the middle of five (including step brother). I’m an only child, and my parents have been married 33 years this August.

SO’s close to all 17 of his cousins who all grew up in the city, and all 11 of his aunts and uncles. I only grew up close to 2 of my 9 cousins and 5 of my 15 aunts and uncles. I haven’t even met one of my mom’s step sisters, and her family, and didn’t include them in my count. 

I only grew up semi close to one grandparent (my mom’s dad) but even he made me feel like the spare grandchild. SO grew up close to all 4 of his grandparents, and is still extremely close to his two living ones (mom’s parents). His grandmother has actually been my first true grandmother experience.

The biggest difference of all… SO’s family is mainly traditional, Conservative and Jewish, mine is Libertarian Agnostics.

 

Has is been difficult? Not at all. We’ve just had to get used to my family somehow being louder, despite the size of his.

Post # 25
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

I’m black and he’s white 🙂 

 

Post # 26
Member
6263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My Fiance and I have 2 very different families. However, my family is all in NJ, NY, SC, GA, anD Trinidad while his is all in VA so they never interact. We have had no issues. 

Post # 27
Member
2041 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Oh yeah, big differences here, mostly political. They haven’t met yet, and they won’t until the weekend of the wedding. Luckily I know both sets will behave for the most part, but it’s doubly lucky for Fiance and me that one set lives in California and the other in Texas.

Post # 28
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

On the surface, our famiies seem pretty similar. DBF and I come from fairly small families, and we even initially bonded in part due to our distance from our cousins. Aside from some differences in our family structures (his parents are divorced, and mine have been married for over 30 years, and that’s before you consider how my family seems bigger due to my oldest siblings having SOs), our families are both pretty distant from other members on the same side, both emotionally and physically.

The main difference comes from the family dynamics. DBF’s family is much more easygoing than my more high-strung family that loves to tease everyone. -__- 

Post # 29
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Fiance and I have very different families, but I LOVE his family. His is the family i never had. He has parents that have been married for 40 years. He’s got a brother and sister, both married, and nieces and nephews. Everyone is very close.

Politically Fiance and his family are very much like my mom, as they are all moderates to liberals. My dad’s family are ultra conservatives and really clash with my fiance, which is why i always tell my dad absolutely no politics talk as my dad’s side can’t be the least bit respectful of another’s opinion. Fiance grew up going to church, but doesn’t go now. His parents are active church goers. Both my mom and dad were raised in the church, but never go. It was actually me that wanted to go to church as a teen, and not my mom. She’s not very religious. She’s more of a Christmas eve churchgoer and thats it. Same for my dad. He had no interest in church.

 

Fiance’s family is calm and easygoing, very much like my mom and myself. My dad, and all his siblings and nieces and nephews way of communicating is to be loud and scream at one another. I thank god Fiance’s family isn’t like that.

Me: Parents divorced by the time i was 6. Parents hated eachother. Dad remarried to a cruel woman by the time i was 12 that made no secret of the fact that she and her daughter came before me yet she wanted all the credit for being a loving stepmother when she did absolutely nothing. Thought by just marrying my dad then i should instantly love her.  Seriously the classic Cinderella story. Dad and stepmom badmouthed my mother a lot, and as i got older i had no interest in visiting them due to how awful they were. My childhood was very traumatic cause of all the tension. Now my stepmom wants to play nice and pretend we all get along and gets extremely angry if i don’t consider her a “parent”, and both Dad and stepmom completely deny the past ever happened. According to them, i made the whole thing up. I am done with it. I will have nothing to do with her other than a few obligations a year. I still remain close to my dad, but do keep my distance. His wife is absolutely nothing to me. Really as a kid the only person i could count on was my mom. So due to divorce and me being an only child, and not really having any relatives that loved me unconditionally except for my mom Fiance and I had very different families.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Me! My family is half ranchers, half you can track us back to crossing over to America 100’s of years ago. We also are very slow to anger. That said we let things fester and build up and then one thing pushes us over. We typically handle things by talking to others in the family but never really confronting it. It acutally really bothers me sometimes how “fake” it can be. I was also brought up non-religious but spiritual (I ended up finding Methodism on my own) and more liberal.

 

Fiance is a first generation American. His parents are from El Salvador. They all are very quick to anger but at the same time, they confront eachother and are quick to forgive and forget. He was brought up very religious (Southern Baptist) and very conservative. Like if they were too sick for church they had to read a book from the bible while everyone else went to church.

 

We acknowledge our differences making it easier to understand each others.

 

 

 

Our families actually get along very well surprisingly. His family has been to my families Thanksgiving and Christmas’ for the past 3 years all with no problems. 

 

Post # 31
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Our families are very different. His parents are not from the US and love to travel the world. Fiance visited 5 continents (including his home one) before the age of 10. I… visited Canada… a 3-hour drive from my childhood home. His parents are scientists, one with an MD, the other with a PhD. My dad was a private investigator and my mom was a secretary. The highest degree between them was an Associates. His parents are each trilingual. Mine are adamantly monolingual. I could go on, but I think you get the point. We both adore our parents and all four of them adore both of us. It’s been an interesting transition at times, but everyone is happy!

 

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