Post # 1
So, I’m not having an engagement party, and am trying to keep everything low key and enjoyable for my BMs, friends and family. I think the Bridal Shower is going to be an issue.
First, who hosts it? My Maid/Matron of Honor, and Future Mother-In-Law think my mom should be hosting (they are both Jewish, I’m Catholic, maybe it is a cultural thing?). My mom thinks my bridesmaids do.
All my friends and family for the most part live close enough to attend one event, and I’m really looking forward to having a Bridal Shower–but everyone keeps thinking someone else is supposed to plan it and I’m afraid it will be a problem and I won’t get one. Thoughts?
Also, who is typically invited? My Future Mother-In-Law keeps talking about inviting all her college friends and relatives, but I thought it was a smaller more intimate gathering?
I’m kinda bummed thinking about it, any insite would be really helpful.
Post # 3
Hmm…. I’m not to sure, I’ve been in a wedding where we the bridesmaids hosted it, but my mom will behosting one and Future Mother-In-Law will be hosting another. I think it’s more who offers to host it?
I’m curious to see other bee’s input on this one…is there a set tradition on who should?
Post # 4
In my case, my mom & Maid/Matron of Honor are hosting it together. My Aunt (who is my God Mother) has offered to help with the cost, but it’ll be “thrown” by my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor.
I’m going to have them invite my close friends/co-workers, BMs and close family. I don’t think you’re supposed to invite every female you’re inviting to the wedding! Just people you’re close with.
I think you should sit down with your MOH–I think typically she’s in charge of the shower & bachelorette party, and see what her thoughts are. Maybe she can get a few people to help and make it a joint effort.
Post # 5
From what I know, but it may not be correct, is that the bridesmaids host it… but that’s just the way my circle has always done it.
Your Future Mother-In-Law should not be inviting all those people unless they are invited to the wedding. It’s seen as gift-grabby if you invite people to a bridal shower without inviting them to the wedding.
Post # 6
Usually here (in the South) the shower is thrown by bridesmaids or friends of the bride. However, my Future Mother-In-Law (from NY) thought this was extremely odd! She believed that the shower should be thrown by the parents. I don’t think there is a set tradition… just whoever agrees to host!
Post # 7
I’ve been to over 10 showers within this past two years and I’ve never seen the mom host a bridal shower. It should be the maid/matron of honor and your bridesmaids that should be hosting it. That means expenses, decor, and the planning is ALL done by them. Typically the bride and the mom should be guests.
In terms of invite, it all depends on each bride. You can invite close girl friends and female family members. Some brides invite all of their female guests as well. If you’re having it low key, I would just invite your closer girl friends and female family members. The more people, the more expensive it gets! =P
I hope you can work things out. The bridal shower is your day to relax and have fun! I hope it all works out.
Post # 8
@Mrs Average Bride: I think it used to be custom that the brides mom never hosted a shower because it was look upon as “gift grabbing” but this has changed drastically. Anyone can throw a shower.
Post # 9
As soon as I asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor she started planning a shower. I think technically BM/MOH are supposed to throw one, but some dont.
Post # 10
I usually lean towards thinking the Maid/Matron of Honor should host. Or should at least offer to host. I’ve also know some people that have multiple showers for differnt groups: Maid/Matron of Honor hosts one for friends, parent or other relative hosts one for family, etc.
Post # 11
@mvanderhoff: My bridesmaids (some are sisters) are hosting my shower which is this sunday. Really in this day anyone can host a shower. (Some say its rude for family to host, but if they are the only ones willing to do it then go for it.) Also just invite your friends and family that you know.
My FMIL’s church hosted me a shower in my FI’s home town for all their friends/family. It was a great way for me to meet everyone, then I will able to enjoy my other shower without any awkward moments with people I don’t know.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
The custom is that the bridal party throws the shower, not the bride’s family. I think the tradition of it not being thrown by the bride’s family has something to do with the theory that the bride’s family is already paying for the wedding and should not be expected to host yet another party. But now, when the wedding is paid for by a wide variety of sources, that seems to be less of an issue.
Post # 13
I don’t see how it could ever be rude for any “certain” person to throw someone else a shower. But that’s just me. (BTW this is not directed towards anyone, just reading comments )
Post # 14
The shower can be hosted by whoever wants to host it. It can be any size, intimate to huge, as long as all the people invited are also invited to the wedding. A bride should not host her own shower, or help with anything other than the guest list and/or minor food/theme input.
In the past it was considered rude for a bride’s mother to host because most brides lived at home, so it was an extension of the ‘bride can’t host her own shower’ rule. Now that we women are gaining independence and living on our own, it is not as much of an issue.
Post # 15
I think the bridesmids should put it together.
Post # 16
I think it depends on a lot of things, but in general I’d say it’s a combo of the MOB and the bridesmaids. In my case, that’s what it is. I’ve been a bridesmaid 9 times- sometimes we (bridal party) threw it, sometimes it was the MOB and sometimes it was a combo.