(Closed) Who initiates?

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Who initiates boom boom?
    Me all or most of the time. : (19 votes)
    20 %
    SO all or most of the time. : (42 votes)
    45 %
    We initiate equally. : (29 votes)
    31 %
    Other. : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    i used to be in the same boat. so frustrating. and then, my bc lowered my libido. Frown It seemed like we were never having the boom boom! I had a few talks with him, and now he actually initiates more than me. It took a few times to get how important it was to me across, and you have to be careful not to step on his ego, but it was worth it!

    Post # 6
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    If I don’t start, we don’t do anything.  It annoys me.  We’re down to once or twice a week, because I just don’t think he’s interested.

    Post # 7
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    As far as initiating and following through, I think we both do it about equally. But, he is constantly initiating and I don’t always allow the follow through. Morning breath and general grossness is not for me.

    Post # 8
    Member
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I had this issue with my Fiance not long after we started “boom booming”. I would always initiate and it started to really bother me. I mentioned it, but nothing really changed, and I think I made him feel bad (and maybe a little awkward about it). I decided that I would just stop initiating and see what happened. I might tease a little, especially when we were cuddling, but I would wait for him to take it farther. It was definitely a little frustating for a month or two, but it worked. He got more comfortable initiating and now it’s not an issue at all. I’d say we both initiate pretty equally.

    Post # 9
    Member
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    He always initiates. I dont know, I’m just not really a sexual person. I would rather have my back rubbed, lol.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We will have times when I’m the one initiating a majority of the time, and then the tides will turn and he’ll start initiating more than me. But it equals out to about half and half.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    omg I have the same problem with my Fiance.  I’ve talked to him about it before and he’s gotten a lot better.  I think I still definitely want it more than him though, which can be a little tough on the ego at times…

    Post # 12
    Member
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    For those who want her guy to initiate more, try wearing skimpy lingerie as much as possible when you’re just at home together and you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything. If you make him look at you when you’re that close to naked for long enough, he’ll probably initiate, and it will still make you feel pursued. And if he doesn’t initiate ever after a couple of weeks of that, then you have serious cause for concern!

    Maybe this sounds kind of sexist, but it works! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    This is a harder question than it should be. Usually we just snuggle up in bed and it happens… lol, I voted Other. I guess it’s just kind of understood that if we snuggle up together, it’s going to happen vs. crawling into bed and zonking out.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1553 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I’d say I used to initiate more often, but I got tired of it.  I began to wonder if he was even all that interested.  So I quit initiating…and yes he started initiating more often.

    I asked him why he never used to (and still doesn’t all the time, though it’s pretty even now) and he told me that it is a huge turn on for a guy to be wanted…so he let me do all the initiating because he loved it.  Often he was just waiting for me to do so.  Once he understood having to do it all the time made me feel kinda weird, things totally changed.  I’d say it’s about 50-50 now.  I think we both prefer being the initiatee…

    Post # 15
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I almost always initiate, and I like it that way!

    Fiance will once in awhile, esp if he’s had a few drinks, but when he initiates he moves too fast for me and I don’t enjoy it as much.

    If I start on him, it takes him a little to get into it and by then I am more into it as well.  He occasionally turns me down, usually cause he’s too tired, and I depending on my mood I may bitch about it a little but not seriously.  Mostly I tease him about not getting any.  

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