(Closed) Who is invited to a shower or engagement party? question & vent*

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So, only those who will be invited to the wedding should be invited to an engagement party or wedding shower, and it’s considered a faux pas for the immediate family — your mother or FMIL– to throw a shower because it appears as if they are just trying to get you and your fiance gifts.

I would agree with you on having an engagement party where everyone is invited and a shower where only those ladies that you know are invited because although many people may give you engagement gifts it is not expected that a guest will bring a gift to an engagement party, whereas it is expected that the guests will bring gifts to the shower. For that reason I would feel uneasy about inviting ALL of the ladies because they may feel that they have to buy you a gift before you’ve even met! Maybe if you explain it to your mother in this way, she will see why a smaller shower might be preferable. 

Post # 6
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to disagree with the poster that mentioned it is an ettiquite  faux pas for family to throw a bridal shower.   The only person who shouldn’t throw a shower is the bride herself.

 OP, if your Future Mother-In-Law wants to throw you another shower to include her friends, then I’d go along with it and just be gracious.   While I totally agree with you that an engagement party would be the perfect way to introduce the families & friends, it seems like she is pretty set on throwing a shower for you instead.  If space or money is an issue for you MOH/mom, let your Future Mother-In-Law know or maybe put her in contact with them.  That way you can remove yourself from the situation.

FWIW, my Future Mother-In-Law & FSILs threw a surprise shower for me that included many of my FMIL’s friends and some family members I had never met before.  Maybe she is just really excited you are joining the family and wants to “show you off” to her girl friends.  If her friends don’t want to attend or think it is gift-grabby, then it is on your Future Mother-In-Law since she is hosting the shower.  

Hope that helps.  Best of luck to you. 

Post # 7
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

its fine if your Future Mother-In-Law wants to give you a party but the guest list for the party should come from you. and only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower

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