Post # 1
Okay, so it’s not even an engagement party really… But I need some advice.
My mom is throwing us an e-party for immediate family and our bridal party in November. Woo hoo! BUT, my Fiance and I wanted to have a VERY laid back get together for our other friends to celebrate. This will as simple as inviting a bunch of people to our apartment for pizza and beer to possibly renting out a room in a pub nearby (depending on how many people we invite).
I am trying to figure out who to invite. Can I invite friends I’m not inviting to the wedding to this party? It’s nothing formal, no invitations, no gifts – just a please join Fiance and I for a drink to celebrate. There are a few friends that, while we see them maaaaaybe once a month at our apartment or out at a bar, we will probably not be inviting to our wedding in order to keep the guest list down. Is this taboo? I’m really bad at this etiquette stuff, so I’m relying on the hive to tell me if I’m being terribly rude BEFORE I make a decision!! 🙂
Post # 3
My take has always been whomever you invite to your e-party should also be on your invite list for the wedding. It doesn’t matter how formal or laid back.
Post # 4
Thanks, I guess since I’m not really considering it an engagement party (since we’re having the “official” e-party with family) I could invite others not invited to the wedding… BUT from the outside I suppose friends will think that it is an e-party and be upset when they don’t receive an invite to the wedding….
Post # 5
I am stressing about the same thing! The parents want to have an engagement part for us but we also wanted to a do a laid back party where the briald party (an more importantly their spouses, since they will have quality dinner time together next summer) could meet one another and hang out. We have decided to make the focus of that party a get to know the wedding party eventy instead of an e-party. We did stick with the guest list for the wedding for the invites though to keep it from being weird down the road.
Post # 6
I hate that this is a taboo to only invite wedding guests to E parties!
I am not engaged yet, but would love to throw a big houseparty where everyone could bring everyone that they wanted to celebrate an engagement. (no gifts either). I know that the wedding is supposed to be the party where everyone celebrates you as a couple, but not everyone gets to have the kind of wedding where they can invite everyone they want to (budget/space).
Post # 7
My mom threw us a surprise engagement party and invited some people that won’t be making the cut. I feel awful but I had no control over who she invited. I think if you keep it super casual and dont call it an engagement party you can probably get away with it.
Post # 8
I tend to err on the side of caution. As a guest, I would feel somewhat uncomfortable attending a party — regardless of how informal — to celebrate a couple’s engagement when I knew I wouldn’t be receiving an invitation. So, my advice would be to invite only the people you know will be invited to the wedding.
Sidenote: there’s a way to “cheat” this rule, and that’s to hold a party for (ostensibly) another reason, and allow your friends to turn it into a celebration of your engagement. Did you recently buy a house/condo, graduate, get a new car, get a raise or new job, adopt a pet? You can invite anyone you want to what I call a “YAY!” party, and it’s more than likely that after you two make a toast for that reason, someone else will pipe up with, “And here’s a toast to the future Mr. and Mrs.! Congratulations on your engagement, we wish you all the best!”
Post # 9
@MissBuffalo: Exactly!!! We have a lot of casual friends that we see sometimes, but we’re sticking to our close, close friends for the actual wedding in order to cut down on the guest list. I wish I could just invite everyone to the wedding, but sadly we just can’t afford it!
@BostonBaby: I like your thinking…. We’re moving into a new apartment next month… Nothing too exciting, but maybe I will just invite everyone over to see the new digs! I’m really just looking for an excuse to see everyone – so many friends have offered us congrats via phone/text and I have yet to see them in person!