(Closed) Who is responsible for how you react to things? Poll

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Who is responsible for our emotions?
    Others actions control our emotions : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Ultimately, we decide how we respond to situations : (95 votes)
    97 %
  • Post # 16
    2866 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    bmo88:  I don’t necessarily agree that everything is neutral but yes, I think most people could do a better job at controlling their emotions if they tried.

    Post # 17
    1506 posts
    Bumble bee

    I get what you are saying, and I agree. Your emotions and internal feelings can’t be controlled- I can’t help feeling sad when a friend dies- but you can control how you react to it. What I don’t think you can control is physical emotion= a friend just died, I would start crying immediately and not there and think “huh, that is sad, I should cry now”. Or an embarassing situation my cheeks would automatically get red. I do think we control our words and actions, though.

    Post # 18
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Being able to control how you react to someone else’s actions or words is an intra-personal skill/intelligence. Some people are better at it than others. Just like some people are better at soccer than others. Also like soccer, you can improve your skills with concious work and practice. So, ultimately I think that you can learn to control how you reaction to situations, but it’s more difficult for some people than others.

    Post # 20
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    bmo88:  What you say is true but with a few caveats. There is a whole context to who each of you are in the relationship that neither of you are aware of. Both of you are responsible for you relationship and your interaction together, not just for each of yourselves. It’s really both, it’s not such a black and white thing. You can’t remove what you did from her reaction, but also you can’t hold you entirely responsible for it either. 

    The point isn’t to decide whose fault is what- the point is to listen and try to understand each other respectfully while still gracefully holding your own beliefs. 

    Post # 21
    2167 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014


    bmo88:  As human beings we have absolutely no control over others…we can’t control what they say, how they act, how they feel…none of it. About the only thing we CAN control is our own reactions to situations and circumstances. And yes…we have full control over that.

    Post # 22
    796 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2018


    I absolutely believe that we are responsible for how we react to things.  I had an ex that whenever he got mad about something I said he would say that it’s my fault that he was pissed.  Example of some things I’d say that he would start yelling and raging at me for… “It’s funny but not my favorite” (about a tv show he liked) and “What’s up?” (asking what his friend was up to since they were texting novels to eachother).  So, no, I don’t think I was at fault for him being an idiotic, immature asshole.

    Post # 23
    1228 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    We’re all responsible for our emotions but we’re also responsible for not being offensive. 

    If I walk up to a woman and tell her she’s a “fatty”, it’s her choice to get annoyed or keep smiling.  Doesn’t change the fact I acted like a stupid jerk. 

    Post # 24
    1450 posts
    Bumble bee

    Based on your coworker’s logic, the world should revolve around her and her feelings, wih everyone tippy-toeing around her views/perspective to ensure her feelings are never offended.   Good-luck with that ridicuousness!


    Post # 25
    5884 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I believe that you are the only person responsible for your reaction.  At it’s extreme, this reminds me of the abusive partner who says his wife “made him” hit her because she makes him so mad.

    I wouldn’t say that you can control your actual emotinos though.  If I remember correctly from my university days, I believe I learned something about emotions having real physical manifestations and that the healthiest people experience emotions in resopnse to the world around them, can idenifiy these feelings (aka, not repressed), and have control over the way they react to their emotions.  So if I were being nit picky, I wouldn’t say that you can control your emotions, but you can control your actions. 

    Your friend sounds like a bit of a pain in the butt.  She shoudl have just accepted your appology and moved on.

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