(Closed) Who is right? Me of FH

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who is right?
    I am right : (37 votes)
    23 %
    FH is right : (4 votes)
    3 %
    I wouldn't be bothered by this type of behavior : (4 votes)
    3 %
    I would feel hurt and left out : (17 votes)
    11 %
    I would be PISSED : (21 votes)
    13 %
    We always invite the other personally in our relationship : (14 votes)
    9 %
    We don't feel the need to invite the other personally in our relationship : (10 votes)
    6 %
    We ask if the other wouldn't mind before we invite people over : (50 votes)
    32 %
    We never ask if the other wouldn't mind before we invite people over : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4913 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I don’t think he needs to actually invite you – it is your house too, after all – but a warning would be nice! I would want to know if people were coming to my house. Aheads-up or a “Hey, do you mind if X people come over for a bit?” could go a long way. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It would bother me if my husband invited people to the house without telling me because I always like to make sure it’s in good shape when people come over. Otherwise, I don’t think this is a big deal. This may be one of those things about him that you just have to accept.

    Post # 5
    Member
    6742 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Agree with you.

    It’s like he has no courtesy to give you a head’s up, ie “Hey, I’m going to invite people over after class, do you mind?” 

    That kind of stuff drives me insane.  But, not as insane as when he asks, I say no, and he does it anyway. 

    The only way I would say your FH has any sort of case is if they always go out after class.  Then, you should expect it.  But, not if he changes it between inviting people over to a shared home or going out.  And, not if it’s not every time after class (or on consistent days – like every Thurs night or something).  Basically, if there’s a pattern/habit and you can anticipate it, I understand if he doesn’t tell you every time. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    It’s not about getting a personal invitation, it should be about warning you that people will be in your home!  I would want a heads-up.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3691 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think you’re already invited if he asks who wants to go out after class.  When he invites people over to the house, he shouldn’t do it unless you are aware and have agreed to have guests over.

    Post # 8
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    i think his behavior is strange. I would not like it if Darling Husband invited random people from his gym class over whenever he wanted or to go out and hang out with them. And yes, I would expect Darling Husband to come up to me and ask if I was coming specifically. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    506 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I wanted to vote both- you are right AND- we ask if the other wouldn’t mind. He is being insensitive, though he probably doesn’t mean to.

    Post # 10
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 1993

    I think it’s completely inappropriate for the owner/teacher to be inviting customers/clients to his house, out for events, etc, in the first place.  But I guess that’s neither here nor there.

     

     

     

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    8445 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    For us I think it’s always assumed the other is invited if one of us wants to go out, but I would be livid if he invited a bunch of people over without asking me first. And to be honest I would want a heads up about him going out to in case I already had plans for dinner or whatever.

    Post # 12
    Member
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t know if it’s a matter of being right or wrong. In my mind it just sounds like a communication issue that you two need to work out. It’s clearly important to you that he gives you a head’s up and checks to make sure it’s okay for him to invite guests over or invite a group of people to go out. That is completley reasonable, and for the record, I also prefer that from my husband. But it sounds like your husband didn’t really think it was an issue, and since you haven’t been saying anything to him until now, he would have had no way to know it bothered you. Tell him that even though he doesn’t think it’s necessary, you are asking him to do it for you out of respect for your needs. Like I said, it’s a totally reasonable request.   

    Post # 13
    Member
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would be totally pissed off.

    But then, I do not have anounce of sponteneity in my body. Him having people over at no notice would make me all stabby. 

    I would also expect to be invited to any of the gatherings…..

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    5957 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    He doesn’t have to inform you, some people are impulsive like that, it’s part of their personality and not worth getting upset aboutin the slightest.  Mr. 99 is the same way, I’ll come home from work to a house party, it’s fun!  If I’m not in the mood, he can play with his friends and I can relax in bed, it’s who he is.

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