Post # 1
Ladies, I have been dating the last few months and for sure met enough creeps, liars, alcoholics, stage 5 clingers, you name it! I finally found a man that when we met, it was like we had been best friends. everything was easy and natural.
I know he is looking to move things to the next level and become bf/gf. We’re going to take things slow but I am obviously looking for a life partner and to not waste anymore years on a douchebag! Lol. He’s so sweet and really listens to what I say. I came home from work yesterday and he had shoveled my snow! Then brought me a payday candy bar before our date bc he remembered I liked them. It was a really nice gesture. Especially after being treated like shit by my ex.
He’s seriously everything I’ve ever wanted. Sweet, honest, college educated, Italian, chemistry is great. We can talk about anything and he’s so helpful. However….at thirty years old he lives at home with his mom and only makes $29,000… I’m on my second home, own my car, pay all my bills. I basically supported my ex and I’m not looking to do that again. when I made his salary, I lived in an apt, leased a new car AND saved so I know it can be done. He seems to really want to make some changes since he met me but you should want to do it for yourself.
Girls, those of you who are the breadwinners with low earning men, how do you do it? How does it make you feel? Is it hard at times? I was always so resentful of my ex (though I later found out he had been lying about his income and really was making as much as me, though claimed he couldn’t help). Though, I’m sure things would be different with a good man who helps out in other ways. I don’t know if this is a dealbreaker for me yet but I always dreamt of a man making more than me.
Post # 2
JazzyGirl85: I think it depends on a few things. Being a low earner wouldn’t be an automatic disqualification for me, but it would complicate things and make them more difficult.
First, I would consider first how much money YOU make. If you make enough to live comfortably and to primarily support a family (in the future), then the fact that he only makes 30K shouldn’t be a huge deal. In my case, the career path I’ve chosen (teaching) doesn’t really make enough money to be the primary, breadwinning salary (we also live in a very expensive area of the US), but if you’re financially independent and in a career with a good salary and benefits, it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker.
Second, does the career path he’s in have a salary cap of about 30K or could he be making more in a different position or with a different company? If there’s potential for him to make more than he does now, again, this wouldn’t bother me. Third, and most importantly – is he a hard worker and does he have ambition to move beyond where he is now? If the answer to that question is “no,” that would be a dealbreaker for me. If it’s a “yes,” then again, the 30K salary wouldn’t bother me.
Those are the three things I would consider if I were you, but it seems like you are really enjoying this guy’s company. Good for you! Honestly, I’d just keep moving forward and see how things go. It doesn’t seem like it’s crazy serious enough for you to really worry about this kind of thing just yet.
Post # 2
My Fiance makes about that much in mid 20’s and I make much more. I see no problem with not making a ton of $ at 30, but living at home would be a deal breaker. Unless there were a REALLY good reason (serious illness of self or parents, etc), I would not bother. Just my personal feelings, but a I think a man that lives at home at 30 has some issues that I don’t have the patience for.
Post # 3
Doe she love what he does? Is it his passion? Or is he lazy, and not trying to better himself?
If the guy has a passion that just doesn’t happen to pay much, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that, and nor should anyone else. To some people, money isn’t everything, and they’d rather be happy. I respect that. On the other hand, if he’s just lazy, and not trying to improve his situation, and glad to skate by…that’s a whole other story.
Post # 4
Also, I don’t think the living at home thing is necessarily a huge deal (I know a LOT of people will disagree), but in some cultures…it’s just what you do. Again, it depends on the guy…is his mommy doing all his laundry and cleaning for him while he sits on his ass and plays videogames every night, or is he contributing to the household?
Post # 5
This is a tough one only you can decide if this is going to bother you so much you can’t move forward. When I met my now Fiance he was broke but so was I, so it was a little different because we were both is the same spot. We both now are in a much better place, own a home together and are getting married.
I will put in another perspective for you though. My Fiance is super short ( 5’5″) I had never dated a guy who was under 5’11”. At first it bothered my like crazy but I had to consider the fact that he was the sweetest guy I have ever met. He was truely my prince charming and like you I had only dated guys who were terrible for me. So I thought would I rather date tall jerks or a shorter guy that loves me more than I ever thought possible. I decided that this awesome man was worth more than his height and I got over it.
He might not always be like this and if you give him up and he does get his own place, make more money you will be kicking yourself for discounting him. You found a sweet man who seems to really like you I would focus on that money and living situation can change.
Post # 6
If he treats you right, I don’t see why this should matter. It’s not like he has NO job. And, if budgeted correctly, $29,000 can go a decent way. I’m sure he has ambitions to earn more $ eventually, so give him a chance if you really feel like he is better for you than any guy you have been with before.
Post # 7
The deal breaker for me would be the living at home part, unless it was for a good reason. But even if it’s for cultural reasons, that’s not a good enough reason for me.
I also agree that if he’s not making much money but he’s following his passion, that’s OK. But otherwise, it’s a bit of a red-flag situation. Maybe not enough to make me jump ship right away, but I’d be weary of his motivations (Though I am attracted to highly motivated men).
ETA: If he is perfect in every other way for you, I would stick around to see where it goes.
Post # 8
My husband makes under $30k a year, and so do I. It’s not ideal, but plenty of people are worse off than us. We’d love it if one of us made more money but neither of us would care who it was.
I wouldn’t like being with a man who acted like a moocher or was stingy about contributing to the household but spent a lot on himself. This kind of thing can happen no matter what your incomes are. If the dude put in his fair share I don’t think I would care if he made less than me.
Post # 9
Let’s turn the tables. What if you didn’t make enough? Should a man disqualify you for dating material based on your income?
Well #1 he is working. So he does have work ethic. He’s 30 but not making much. Is it a family business (doesn’t have to be owned by family but I mean as in line of work..ie his dad did this and so he does this..etc.)
If you are fine on your own does it actually matter how much he brings in? Wouldn’t any amount contributed be a bonus?
He lives with his parents. He could have a nice savings. Or he lives with them out of obligation to help them. Which means he has strong familial ties which I also find good.
If he is living off them to mooch off them that’s different. If he makes money and spends it frivolously without bills to pay yes I’d back off.
Post # 10
My Fiance is a teacher and doesn’t make much. But he is good at saving his money and has all of his loans paid off. I am a nurse and make more than him, I am ok with contributing more for bills and big expenses. He loves his job and teaching is his passion, I couldn’t see him doing anything else. It’s worth it for us. He is about to start grad school later this month to climb the ladder and hopefully make more money someday, he deserves a much bigger paycheck than he gets but his type of job isn’t all about the money.
Post # 11
The first month my SO and I were dating he lost his job. He was unemployed for a year because the market in which he was looking for was not hiring. He had to start over in a completely differnt field when he finally found a job, then he worked his butt off to get to the top of his position, and now he makes more than I do. So he went from $0 to almost 6 figures in 4 years( we’ve been together for 5). It was hard when he had nothing to his name, I had to pay for dates etc. but I saw the drive he had and stayed because I loved him and he treated me like a queen.
If you see and vet that this guy has potential and he treats you nicely, I say go for it. You don’t have to support him finanacially but support him emotionally and spiritually and what he can do may suprise you.
Post # 12
If he is everything you want in a guy then why are you bases this off his income? He has a job which some guys don’t. Maybe he is helping his parents out and he is still able to save money. Im 26 and my brother is 28. My brother owns the house but my mom and grandma live with us. It really benefits each one of us in some sort of way.
i know you said your ex kinda screwed you over but you can’t compare each guy who make 30k a year to him. Just think about how that will make him feel as a man. Anyways plenty of women are the bread winners and the husbands stay at home most the time and contribute in other ways around the house.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
JazzyGirl85: Dh makes about that much, but I made even less last year! We own a home and are able to live pretty comfortably (just got a new car in August), so low income does not mean a bad lifestyle.
Like PP, it does bother me that your Boyfriend or Best Friend still lives at home. Perhaps he’s doing so to save up money to buy a house? (I know some people who have done this.)
However, it seems like you love this man. Salaries change over a lifetime, but the man you’re with is forever.
Post # 14
It depends on the career. My FH makes $28k and I make about $85k between a few jobs (in NJ, for reference, so it doesn’t go as far as one would think), so we have a huge difference in salary. But, he does a great job in his field and has a lot of ambition– he just happened to choose a lower-earning career. And, he’s coming in with all of the savings and none of the debt. We each have our certain bills (I pay rent, my loans, cards, car, etc. and he pays the little ones like food and cable/internet) and it works out fine for us. Most of our discretionary money comes out of his paycheck, and I think he likes “treating” me to things like a show or nice dinner.
Initially I had a problem with my FH living at home (he stayed there until about 6 months ago), but then I realized he was saving a ton of money! So, I actually encouraged him to stay there as long as possible. 🙂