(Closed) Who is your wedding about anyway?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Whats important?
    The Couple? : (148 votes)
    50 %
    impressing your guest and not likking anything you chose because of that? : (3 votes)
    1 %
    find a HAPPY medium but make sure you make decisions you want.? : (143 votes)
    49 %
  • Post # 3
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @kenya.latham.1:  I voted the couple and I feel this 100%. We decided to elope because every single plan I would try to make either offended someone or left someone out. I got so stressed, Fiance finally said, “F*** ’em! I want this to be about us.” And he has held me to it (: 

    Post # 4
    9115 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My wedding is for my mother, tbh. My husband and I are already married but my mother wanted to see her daughter walk down the aisle.

    So, we are.

    Post # 5
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You can’t please everyone, so try your best and in the end go with what’s best for you. 

    Post # 6
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    It’s about balance.  The wedding ceremony is about the bride and groom, but once you start inviting people, the polite thing to do is to take their comfort into consideration, and the reception is for the most part, about the guests that you are hosting.

    This isn’t about making everything match what they would pick out, that’s  impossible and falls into the realm of “if you can’t please everyone you might as well please yourself.”

    It is about not deliberately slighting your guests in order to get the flowers or decor or dress that you want.  There is balance between finding a dress you mostly love and ensuring that your guests are given consideration since they are also taking time out of their lives to attend an event that holds more importance to you.

    The biggest problem I’ve seen is the extreme of the “my day, my way” mentality that is used to justify cutting things that would add to the guests comfort for something cosmetic that is something the couple wants.  This too is also relative.  It’s one thing to not serve the most expensive alcohol to spend more elsewhere, it’s another thing entirely to cut all food entirely.

    Guests aren’t props, they’re people, and the balance is lost when you see the bride display a callous attitude to how her decisions will impact her guests.

    Your guests opinions aren’t relevant for the colors or flowers, but they should be a factor when thinking about food, location, or time.  There is nothing more disheartening then seeing someone who says “it’s my wedding so they can just suck it up” or something similar.

    So in short, it’s all about you until you start inviting other people, then it’s mostly about you, but it’s not all about you.

    Post # 7
    872 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @kenya.latham.1:  Bah! I love you! <3 

    To me, I feel the couple comes first, but to also try and find a medium when the couple feels it would be beneficial to the collective rather then just themselves sometimes, but the couple will still come first….In my opinion. 

    It is sad for me to see how a couple’s wedding planning/day becomes destroyed because everyone feels like they have a say in their wedding, and the couple’s voice becomes lost, and they are unhappy….That is not a wedding it is a wedding nightmare.

    Post # 8
    9181 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    It’s first and foremost about the couple getting married, but it’s also about thanking your friends and family for supporting your marriage and making things fun/enjoyable/easy for them.

    Post # 9
    8471 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I think the third option says it all. 

    Post # 10
    8576 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Our wedding is mainly for our guests.. otherwise we’d just elope. But we both want a big fancy shindig – many of our decisions have been for guest comfort though [not that we didn’t like any decision we made]

    Post # 11
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We’re going to do our best to make our guests happy and comfortable. I see no point in spending thousands of dollars hosting them if I’m going to try and cut corners on food and drink to put more toward things that are just for us (the couple). Then I could just save a ton of money on simply not inviting them. Neither of us really cares a lot about having a wedding, but I know some members of our families do. So this is for them, and I don’t see why that would mean that I won’t like anything… I will like that my guests are happy! 


    Although by the tone of your post, I get the sense that you have a very different situation. To each her own 🙂 


    Post # 12
    6123 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Just us and everything about it was us.  We had a private wedding with only two witnesses.


    Post # 13
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think weddings are about the couple, without them there isn’t anything to celebrate or attend. 

    Post # 14
    1522 posts
    Bumble bee

    The purpose of having a wedding is to PUBLICALLY announce their love and bond. Therefore your guests are a huge part of your celebration otherwise you’d elope so I say it’s about your guests. Making sure their comfortable and enjoying themselves. No you can’t please everyone all of the time but u cn do ur best

    Post # 15
    491 posts
    Helper bee

    Of course it’s about the couple, but if that is all it was about why would people throw big parties and invite guests? I think at the point that you invite guests, they should be treated as guests and you should consider their tastes. I would expect my guests to have fun at any party throw, and to get to that point need to take potential opinions into consideration. 

    Post # 16
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Didn’t you start the open bar thread? There’s a difference between doing things that are done to be a proper host and completely changing your vision. I think its a balance. The reception is really a thank you to your guests for witnessing your marriage. In that sense you should definitely do things that actually thank them as opposed to putting them out by requiring them to pay for drinks, not having a place to sit, not having enough food (i.e. having light apps at a meal time), etc.

    Do I care what flowers you choose? No. But say you know one of your closest guests is allergic to roses, what’s more important to you, that they witness your marriage or you have the exact flowers you won’t to their suffering?

    Do I care what dress you get? No. But if you get a dress where your boobs are popping out or its so see-through that I can see whether you shaved or waxed…yea, that’s just uncomfortable for the people you have asked to watch your ceremony.

    My point is, you have to take the guests into accout. Otherwise just elope…

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