(Closed) Who is your wedding about anyway?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Whats important?

    The Couple?

    impressing your guest and not likking anything you chose because of that?

    find a HAPPY medium but make sure you make decisions you want.?

  • Post # 78
    1946 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @kenya.latham.1:  Yes of course you can.  But you can’t bash on what other people say when you ASKED for their opinion.

    Post # 80
    5879 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It should be a balance. Once you invite guests, as hosts your friends and families comfort should be taken into consideration. If you want it to be all about you as a couple, take it the court house or elope.

    Post # 81
    42 posts
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’d say it’s a balance between the 2, but perhaps more about the guests.


    We’re throwing dinner reception as appreciation for our Out of Town guests (which is quite a number) for traveling all the way to be with us on our happy day.


    (Our ceremony is in the morning, and there will be lunch reception for our ceremony guests. So the dinner reception is something extra). 


    The style of the reception will reflect our style and personality. For example, we don’t need centerpieces, but I want to. But we have our guests’ comfort in mind in whatever we plan (to the best that we know and can think of). Like, as much as I want to get Italian food, in the end I choose something else that I know everybody can enjoy.


    Post # 82
    3189 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m not even going to hilight or call attention to specific posts because I’m not trying to start a fight about it, but some people on here have truly horrible bridezilla attitudes. If you really don’t care about your guests, DON’T INVITE THEM. But you are showing absolutely terrible manners and pretty much zero class if you invite people to your wedding and care not one bit about their comfort. I mean, of course no one else gets a say over your dress, venue, music, theme etc. But not caring if your BMs look and feel like crap in their dress, forcing your guests to go hungry either by not having enough food or not caring that it’s food most of your guests won’t/can’t eat, not having enough seating, etc… things like that are just rude. If you don’t care about your guests, elope (I don’t mean you, OP, this is for your sister and you don’t want to elope – we get that. Just answering your question and responding to some of the other posts here.)


    Personally, I’ve never had to worry about any of this at weddings I’ve attended since all of my friends have basic manners and courtesy. Their weddings have had the style and theming they like, but they also know how to be decent hosts. I think it says a lot about someone as a person to invite guests to come to a party for you (especially one where gifts are customary) and not care one bit about whether or not your guests are uncomfortable. And the ironic thing is that the brides who feel that way will be the same ones who are upset and offended when people leave their wedding super early because they were hungry and not enough food was provided, or because they’re super uncomfortable because you picked a venue without A/C for your long Southern August wedding, or whatever.

    Post # 83
    54 posts
    Worker bee

    I say the couple and their families, but mostly the couple and what they want/are comfortable with.  For example…

    My grandmother has forbidden me to wear black on my wedding day-same with my bridesmaids.  Only white and “happy colors.”  I use to be terrified of the color white, due to hallucinations and night terrors.  I’m still uncomfortable with white, which is one of many reasons I like to wear black.  It will piss her off (her words), but guess who’s wedding gown is going to have black on it?  Yup, this girl.

    Another example: My friend’s wedding is in Latin.  I’m the maid of honor and very uncomfortable with her reason for wanting the Mass to be in Latin, as it’s a “political” reason (for lack of a better term).  But it makes her happy and it’s not about me.  So I’m going, whether I was made Maid of Honor or not.

    It’s about the couple coming together in love, to celebrate spending the rest of their lives together, and about uniting two famiies.  Personally?  The other guests can suck it up or not attend.  As long as we say “I do,” my fiance and I are happy 🙂  And yes, we’ve already had this discussion XD

    Post # 86
    5879 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @Wonderstruck:  I’ve noticed this trend  on the Bee to. Its sad. I’m all for personalization but people are (IM) taking things too far. There is way to have be about you and yet respectful of your guests. 

    Post # 87
    3338 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Weddings are about the guests.

    Which is why we eloped.  We wanted it to be about us and pleasing only us.

    Post # 88
    717 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2008

    @oneofthesethings:  I am a peach. We had a 300+ guest wedding and everything went off fine and no one complained about anything because we are both  reasonable adults, but I don’t need to hear any shit from anyone who isn’t paying for anything. My money, my wedding as most things in my life, I don’t allow someone else’s feelings dictate my life – because I’m all grown up. 


    You people seem to forget that hosting a party is secondary to the reason there is a party in the first place. The UNION is what is important, not what table settings are there, where people sit, who is eating chicken or steak or turkey or fish. You people put the priorities all in the wrong place. This board is full of posts where people are worrying themselves SICK over minutia when you forget, this is a wedding, it’s a UNION. Perhaps it’s because I come from a time where people realized that they were witnessing a God authored union and the party was just a formality and not that important AT ALL. This generation has bought into all the things the media has fed into them and you guys are paying the price for it. I’m going to let that be your problem. I will not raise my children to believe that they are supposed to buy into it. My parents and my husband’s parents who have together more than 100 years of marriage under their belt raised us right. You celebrate the union if that means you celebrate it with lemonade under the shade tree. Those who are truly happy for you no matter WHAT is served, whether there is an open bar, a cash bar or NO bar.

    Post # 91
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @DJones69:  While I respect your post, just because you have different priorities doesn’t make other people’s wrong. I see no problem with people wanting to throw a beautiful wedding for their children and guests. You many not agree with it, but to some people the celebration ( and all the details) is just as important as the ceremony. In my opinion, the ceremony is about the couple and the reception is a way of thanking the people you love for taking the time out to witness your union. I know for our wedding a lot of people will be traveling across the country and I plan on making them as comfortable as possible. For example, I will be providing them with out of town bags (something that people may find “excessive,”) but I think it is a nice gesture. I am not doing it because I “bought into all of the media hype,” I am doing it because I want to be courteous and take my guests into consideration. Do some brides go overboard? Sure. But just because people care about the details of their celebration does not mean their priorities are all mixed up. After all this is probably the most important day of most people’s lives….






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