(Closed) Who knows when my engagement will be :(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My SO and I have been together 4.5 years and living together 2 years.  He wasn’t ready either at the 3year mark for some reason.  I had to let him come around on his own and be patient, though it was very difficult.  For some reason, my SO also would’ve probably been more ready for a kid than a wedding.  I think the whole wedding thing scares them for some reason.

I stood my ground, because I personally am not ready for kids until AFTER we are married.  I wish I could get in the minds of men.

Good luck with everything.  I wish the best for you!

Post # 4
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Money is a big, important factor in life (especially big life events like marriage).  I see SO’s point with money…and at the same time, I don’t.  The only reason I don’t is because I have seen this used as a “line” with some of my girlfriends.  I think what you need to do is either A) have a very open conversation with SO or B) begin Mr. Bee’s Plan.

Post # 5
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Perhaps he really just isn’t ready and doesn’t know how to say that? Whatever the case, keep talking with him about it openly and good luck to you!


Post # 6
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Perhaps his being “established” is referencing some other things…

Though he makes decent money, is he where he wants to be in his career? Perhaps he has an advancement goal first. Also, he’s still working on his Masters… perhaps he wants this to be completed before he takes on the stress of wedding planning?

Or maybe he’s just trying to deter you because he’s already looking at rings and doesn’t want you to suspect anything!


Post # 7
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ahhh I know how this feels! My partner for a while there was really uncomfortable with the thought of marriage (He is 33!) because he felt like he wasnt established enough. At that time he had been working the same job for 5 years without promotion, and I was earning a larger salary than him so he felt that if I got pregnant we would struggle financially. Well, he got promoted last year and earns more than me now, so the last 6 months he has been more comfortable with the idea and feels more ready.

I guess the whole idea seemed silly to me at the time and it frustrated me – but in the end I wanted him to be comfortable.

I have always taken the view though that it is not him that gets to decide when we get engaged, WE get to decide. Both of us have to be comfortable but he doesnt get to make me wait forever either.

Just keep an open dialogue with him. I hope you arent waiting too long!!

Post # 8
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It seems that the money issue is the biggest problem for guys not proposing.  When I mentioned getting married the other day, the first the out my SO mouth was, “it’s so expensive!”  Not to mention the fact that they feel the stress of getting some huge ring.  I wish that our SO would just sit back and see the big picture: We don’t NEED a huge ring, we don’t NEED a huge wedding, we just want the commitment and the love of our life!!

Post # 11
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe he’s still concerned about his fam vs. you?

Post # 13
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If these are the first few times you’ve talked about it, maybe he will warm up to the idea after a while? At the very least it cannot mean he ACTUALLY fears commitment if he’s very open to having children soon, as obviously that’s a much bigger commitment, but perhaps instead fears the notion of marriage. I actually hated the idea of both marriage and weddings until recently, but I don’t think I had a problem with commitment. And if it’s family he’s concerned about, well, again marriage in that respect will be redundant issue anyway once you have kids. Maybe just propose to him on leap year anyway? 😉

Post # 14
3304 posts
Sugar bee

I think you need to be firm and put your foot down—- let him start realizing what life is like WITHOUT you after you let him know that you don’t want to have children without being married and your clock is ticking.

Post # 15
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wait until he hits 30! for real, I know I just woke up on the other side of 30 and I really felt different about a lot of things.

Post # 16
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@kerensa: Same thing happened to my guy. He hit 30 and started mentioning how he thought he’d be married with a family by then and now he’s in the beginning stages of baby fever. It was just a funny switch.

Maybe 30 will be a magic switch for him as well? Once the idea settles in.

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