(Closed) who makes the cut? (small weddings)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We did people we were closests too. We also only did no plus 1’s unless they were married or engaged etc…  It was tough but most people understood.

Post # 4
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

– No SO’s unless they’re in a long term relationship that we know about.
– Nobody that one or the other of us don’t know. Special circumstances excluded (for example, my friend from years ago who I talk to on a regular basis and who knows of Mr Moo and who Mr Moo has heard of but they’ve never met. But not some co-worker from a year ago who Mr Moo doesn’t know)
– Set number of people for the parents lists. They were allowed 5-10 people each as a couple. So they could invite 10 single friends or 5 couples or a mix. We then flexed this a little when we got their lists in. So we gave FIL’s extra slots if my parents weren’t using them and vice versa
– If we hadn’t heard from them in 6 months they went on the “B” list
– We set an ideal ball park for where we wanted to be BEFORE we started the guestlist. So we knew we wanted around 80-100 people and we ended up inviting 135. Having that ballpark was really helpful in not doing “impluse inviting”

We’ve so far had around 60 RSVP yes and around 15 RSVP no. So we’re well on the way to the lower half of our ballpark which works great.

I hope this helps!

Post # 5
26 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

we’re having 50 people.  parents, siblings, 1st aunts/uncles/cousins – but only the ones we are close to.  SO’s for my brother and a cousin who are livng together, spouses for his married cousins.  3 CLOSE family friends, and about 10 of our best friends, with spouses only if we are close with them or they are living together or engaged.  we have 5 tables of 10, it ended up being 2 tables for his fam, 1 table for my fam, 1 table our friend/my cousins who are our age, 1 table of us with our friends.  it was harder for the parents than for us – you just gotta be strong!

Post # 6
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We’re having 150 ppl but I have a really big family, so we still had to draw the line at 1st cousins only (none of their kids – would be an additional 44).  We did +1 if they had a face & name that we knew and were “adults” which to us meant self-sufficient= 25 yr old cousin working and paying her way thorugh school gets to bring her bf of 2 yrs, 20 yr old cousin in college and completely dependant on his parents doesn’t get to bring which ever random girl he happens to be sleeping with come July (please see my previous post about just this situationCry)  We let my paretns invite 10 of their friends that I grew up with (FI’s paretns don’t have the same life-long group of friends my parents do), and Fiance & I invited about 10 friends in addition to our 12-person bridal party.  Bridal Party members that don’t have a long-term relationship were not invited with a plus one either.


Post # 7
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We’re have 30 people, so very small.  We only did immediate family (parents & siblings) and our best friends & their dates (they are all in serious relationships).  We aren’t letting siblings have dates unless they are in serious relationship.  We completely cut out all extended family. 

Our basic idea was — immediate family and the friends who would be in our wedding party if we had a big wedding.  Looking at it this way was RELALY helpful and it became clear to us which friends we wanted to invite.  Ended up each inviting about 4 friends and their significant others.  So it’s 18 friends, 10 family, and us 2.

Good luck, it can be done! I am so, so, SO excited for the smallness of the wedding.  I love that we will remember spending the evening with each person there, and each person will remember spending our wedding with us personally.

Post # 9
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We are having a 20 person wedding – including us! We invited our immediate family and their SOs plus a few of our close friends.  It helps that we live out-of-state and we knew our extended families wouldn’t pay to come out for the wedding. A couple of things that helped us come to the conclusion of such a small wedding – 1) if you haven’t talked to them in a year – sorry, but they are not invited; 2) we thought about who we wanted around us as we said our vows and envisioned it. Fiance hates being the center of attention and is really shy so it was easy for us to decide – smaller is better. It def. can be done – good luck!!

Post # 10
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Our wedding was just like @Marinara’s.  I think there were 32 of us total.  We did parents, grandparents, and siblings, and then our closest friends.  I think we had 16 family, 14 friends, plus the 2 of us.  It was really nice not having to stress about money because of so few people being invited (though we did get some comments from aunts/uncles/cousins griping about not being invited… oh well).

Post # 11
98 posts
Worker bee

We are inviting a total of 40 people: siblings, parents, grandparents, great aunts/uncles, and friends.  People are only allowed guests if they are in a serious relationship or married.  Everyone will know at least one other person attending so I don’t see the need for them to bring someone we don’t know.  It’s such an intimate wedding that I think it would be awkward to have them there.

Post # 12
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

– No plus one’s (if we were friends with a couple we invited them both because we were friends with both people, and of course spouses and fiances)

– Friends we talk to on a monthly basis

– We invited some extended relatives but only if we were in contact with them. This seemed to work out pretty well. There was a small upset with my grandmother about some distant relatives not being invited, but we were able to deal with it (my fiance’s family was smaller so we talked about “keeping things even”)

– No babies/children, which was also hard but several parents commented after the wedding that they were happy to have a night together as a couple


Also, we tried to keep the number of people in the bridal party smaller. The costs add up (gifts, transportation, rehearsal dinner, flowers).

Post # 13
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

-No plus ones unless they are in a long-term relationship/live together.

-Only family that we see on a regular basis. (that come to family holidays. Aunts, uncles, first cousins)

-Only friends that we see regularly. No mom’s best friend from high school that she hasn’t seen in 20 years business.

I think that we got lucky in that we both have relatively small families.

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