(Closed) Who participates in arguments with FILs? FI or both of you?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah, well my Darling Husband has some mommy issues that we need to deal with  and she doesn’t exactly like me anymore.  So you can probably guess the Darling Husband talks to her.  It does make me mad when we make a decision as a couple and then he talks to his mom and all of a sudden it’s him and her versus me. Well, we are working on it. 

Well  I hope your Fiance doesn’t have mommy issues like me.  Other wise he should be able to tell his mom what you guys both think and want. She should respect that. 

Post # 4
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

ME! He refuses to speak to them when they behave ridiculously, and then they come after me!

Post # 5
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Luckily, we all get along great! They will give us there opinion but there are never any hard feelings if we don’t agree.

Post # 6
1108 posts
Bumble bee

Both of us, with him usually doing most of the talking, since it’s his family.


Post # 7
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

he does, but usually it’s over the phone or email and i’m right there hearing what he’s saying or composing the email with him, so we usually present a united front. there haven’t been any arguments that have dragged on, though–just minor miscommunications that are intense for an hour or so then chill out.

Post # 8
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

So far, we’ve each dealt with respective family issues.  My Korean language skills aren’t developed enough yet to fight my own fights, and my mum lives too far away for him to directly deal with her.  Thus far it’s worked out well because we each know how to resolve conflicts with our own families.

Post # 9
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We haven’t had this issue come up so far – but I think each of us would likely deal with the issue with our parents individually. I know how best to deal with my parents, and he knows best for his.

Post # 10
1020 posts
Bumble bee

we haven’t really had any disagreements with his parents because they are pretty easy going, but they did have concerns over our wedding budget since they will be paying half of it and they are very frugal.

this is what i told my fiancee (actually, i have been brainwashing him with this): “no matter what you say to your parents, even if it’s something they would be pissed upon hearing it, you are still their son, they will soon forget about it and won’t remember it forever. but i’m not their daughter, so even the slighest things might trigger tension, and they’ll forever remember anything i said that displeased them. SO, YOU should be our bridge and convey OUR opinions to your parents in a way that they think the opinion was solely from YOU.”

he understands and even though he’s still not that good at it, but i know he will be 🙂

Post # 11
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

TingTing — That is a great way of putting it! The next time my FH parentals start picking that is the motto I will be going with!

Post # 12
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, honestly, my Mother-In-Law doesn’t argue with EITHER of us. She stays out of our business because it’s not her place. We don’t make big decisions and include her. But for things like holidays, she is incredibly respectful of the fact that we have MY Parents to include in things. It’s not just HER family and HIS side, she’s very good about this.

But no, I wouldn’t participate in an argument with her. It isn’t my place I feel.

And, it helps that both of us feel like our spouse is more important than our parents, so how I feel trumps how she feels about stuff, and vice versa. Even if my parents disagree with what we’re doing, I gently remind them it is OUR decision. And then I sotp telling them stuff =]

He needs to stop telling his mom EVERYTHING you guys talk about or rather, just inform her what’s going on and when she complains, say, “my Fiance and I came to this decision, i’m just letting ya know”. She’s too influential and things are YOUR decisions, not hers.

Post # 13
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t feel comfortable at this point in our relationship to discuss touchy issues with his parents. Fiance does the dirty work on that! Recently, we had some disagreement about a wedding issue and its been a little awkward because its been, Fiance and I talk, and then we talk with our respective moms, and then we talk again because our parents changed our minds, and then we go back to them… so I know how it is! 

Post # 14
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We haven’t really argued with them but he usually relays any decisions/info.  If it’s something he doesn’t know as much about he’ll ask me or put me on the phone to help sort it out.

Post # 15
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

It depends on the situation, mostly the husband handles any issues one on one with them. He just doesn’t want to drag me into it.

Unless its something that really affects me directly (like when Father-In-Law called my parents to blatantly ask them why they weren’t paying for the wedding & inform them that paying for the wedding is the bride’s parents reponsibility!) I then joined my husband to have a conversation about that with his parents….

Post # 16
7499 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

They’ve never disagreed with us (or at least didn’t tell us!).

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