Post # 1
Our friends, a couple, are having quite the debate over a wedding (their names are Chris and Andrea to make life easier). Chris’ friend is getting married and it’s a destination wedding. Of course, he asked Andrea to attend as his guest. They have been together for a couple of years, but they don’t live together or share finances. Chris does make more money than Andrea, but I’m not sure if that matters.
Anyway, Andrea feels that since it is Chris’ friend and a DW to boot, that she shouldn’t have to pay for herself since she’s just “tagging along.” She said she’s happy to pay for her dress, hair, make-up, a gift, and all the things she thinks are “usual” for a wedding. However, she doesn’t want to pay any of the travel costs. They got in a very vocal fight about this over the weekend but that’s another story (oh, how I hate public fights and all their awkwardness).
What do you think?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
That’s tough. Personally I think Chris should pay for Andrea’s airfare, and maybe to compromise they can split the hotel costs. I’m engaged now, but I think if I had been invited to a DW when my boyfriend and I were only dating, and it was my friend, I would foot most of the bill.
Post # 4
@MrsPanda99: We would split it evenly.
The way I would see it is that I don’t have to go; I could decline and OH could go solo or bring someone else. If I chose to go, I would pay for myself, just as I pay for myself on any other trip/vacation.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
Also I HATE public fighting! We have a couple friend who will do that and it’s SO awkward. FI and I agree that we need to leave that kind of stuff at the door when we go out, even if we’re still pissed off at each other.
Post # 6
I think Chris should pay. He sounds like a tightwad.
Post # 7
I think he should at least pay for her plane ticket.
Post # 8
In my mind I would think Andrea should becuase she chose to accept the invitation. They should split hotel and cab fare costs though. Chris said hey I want you to come along, and she accepted so she should be responsible. If she doesn’t want to pay travel costs she should decline and not go as sucky as that sounds.
IMHO though, I would hope that if it came down to it my SO/FI would want me along badly enough to pay for my way :-/
Post # 9
I think Chris should pay, but I guess I’m old fashioned.
He makes more $$, wants her there, and she is happy to spring for her own hair, makeup, gift, etc.
Devil’s advocate.. I don’t know their financial situation… maybe he paid for a zillion other things for her recently and she comes across as ungrateful.. who knows. When my SO and I started dating, we were invited to a destination wedding for his friends, and it wasn’t even a question whether he’d pay or not.
Post # 10
@MrsPanda99: Well I’m used to having whoever invited me pay, but I think it needs to be discussed by the couple since each relationship handles its finances differently. Obviously, they need to come to some sort of compromise (i.e. she pays for her flight, he pays for the hotel, etc). I voted for Chris to pay based on my own experience, but again, each relationship is different.
Post # 11
FI and I operate under the “your friend, you pay / my friend, I pay” policy. I understand that a DW is a bit different ballgame than an in-town wedding, but still, it is his friend and he should be footing the bill if he wants to go.
One of my close friends from growing up is getting married in Jamaica in January, and I plan to handle the costs (now, FI may not let me pay for everything, but I’m not going to ask him to pay up).
Post # 12
If I were in this situation when I was dating my BF, he would’ve offered to pay because it’s his friend and he’s a gentleman and would want me there. Although, I certainly would offer to cover my own costs.
However, if Chris is a cheap ass regularly Andrea should’ve already been prepared to cover her own costs.
Post # 13
I think they should each be paying for their own airfare and splitting anything joint – hotel, gift, etc.
Post # 14
@barbie86: yep, I think this too.
Post # 16
@barbie86: That does seem the most fair, especially if you aren’t engaged or married. For FI and I, it wouldn’t matter who officially pays because it all comes from the same pot. They are not in that boat though.