(Closed) Who pays for lodging for OOT guests?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3146 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

if you can afford it, it’s a wonderful thing to do. But it is not expected or required. Our wedding is in Scotland, we live in DC. All guests are paying for their own flights and lodging.

Post # 4
3380 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Aquaria:  I’m sure it is the polite thing to do…but since we will be paying for everything ourselves (by choice), it simply won’t be in our budget.


We are doing a destination wedding and inviting several people we know won’t be able to attend.  We then plan to have a large reception back in our home state which is much more accessable. 


If you can do it, by all means go for it.  But if you cannot, I do not think people will think poorly of you.

Post # 5
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Only if you’re filthy rich. When I travel for weddings (which has been all but 1) I always assume that I’m in charge of my transportation AND lodging. I went to a wedding in Italy (I live in the US) and still assumed, rightly for that event, that hotel was on me.


As a guest I’d be surprised/thrilled if the hosts paid for the lodging but would NEVER expect it.

Post # 6
67 posts
Worker bee

It would be a very nice gesture, but Out of Town guests are responsible for their own travel and lodging expenses.

Post # 7
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would never expect my accommodation paid for as an Out of Town guest. It’s nice sure, but not necessary. 

Post # 8
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s certainly a nice thing to do, but not expected by any means unless you’ve given them a reason to believe it would be.  If you have a wedding website, it’s nice if you list nearby hotels and restaurants, but I wouldn’t expect any more than that as a Out of Town guest.

Post # 9
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

They pay for their own lodging, of course.  If you can extend them the hospitality of a friend or family member then do, by all means, but do not feel like you have to pay for a hotel.  They chose to attend and should know what that would entail. 

Post # 10
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

They pay.

It’s a nice gesture if you can afford it, though.

Post # 11
3372 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’re paying for the lodging of our 50 guests. Only for the night of the wedding though. Half are from over 17 hours away and the other half are about an hour from their home.

Post # 12
3 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

It’s definitely not expected for you to do it. And if you want to offer it to some people, I think it’s fair to choose who you might want to help. I decided to pay for one of my bridesmaid’s and part of my step mom’s hotel room, as they traveled cross country and it was a financial stretch for them to attend. We also voiced many times to people that we did not expect gifts, especially if they travelled. I personally see the travel and lodging costs as that person’s gift to us. 

Post # 13
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

The guests pay for their own lodging. We have a lot of guests that will be coming from Out of Town.  We just provided several options for hotels within the area on our website. 

Post # 14
1094 posts
Bumble bee

@Aquaria:  If you and the out-of-town guests have mutual in-town friends and relatives who are able to offer your guests house-room, those in-town connexions should make the offer. Most of the time the guests will decline, since modern adults are perfectly capable of arranging their own hotel accomodations and often prefer the freedom that hotel accomodation gives them to do things like watch MMA fights on TV until the wee hours or access the hotel fitness centre. But polite people will still make the offer. If no-one has house-room, then those mutual in-town friends may suggest a hotel and if they feel particularly hospitable they may pay for the hotel-room. But the certainly don’t have to: no-one is ever required to offer hospitality that they do not have to offer, and guests will often decline even that offer, since they generally prefer to choose their own accomodations.

Even if no-one offers house-room, mutual in-town friends and relatives should offer dinner invitations, and friendly local advice.

But you, my dear, and your mothers and sisters and bridesmaids have no such obligation, as everyone should understand that you have other responsibilities and distractions right at that moment.

Post # 16
7941 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Glasgowbound:  Where in Scotland? I lived in Crieff for a year, such a gorgeous country!


OP we paid for the over night accomodations of our closest family and friends for the night before the wedding. Our venue was a four story mansion and so we hosted the rehearsal dinner there and then used the suites for our guests. It was a huge expense but one we were able to incur.

That being said I would as an Out of Town guest never expect the bride and groom to pay for my accomodations. As a guest I RSVP yes and with that comes the assumption that I am paying for my lodging to attend.

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