(Closed) Who pays for wedding in groom's state?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

dadster :  

Events can be scaled back into budget even a few weeks out. Pull the reigns, talk it out, and find your compromise. You all weren’t the best communicators/planners, but that doesn’t make you a terrible dad.

Then enjoy the wedding.

 

Post # 32
Member
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

MrsHarryDresden :  this.

 

plus if you’re traditional, then the wedding would be in the bride’s hometown. 

Post # 33
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It sounds like you’ve already committed to paying. If this was under a false impression of the wedding plans or if you don’t want/are unable to anymore, you need to talk to your daughter and her Fiance ASAP. There’s no right or wrong answer as far as who pays and how much, but all of you must be on the same page. 

With them, come up with how much you are willing to pay and then ask them what they would like for their wedding. If they can’t make up the difference, then they will need to change their plans. If deposits have already been put down based on the impression that you will be paying and now can no longer use those vendors, you and your daughter will need to work out who will lose that money. 

If you would like an example, my wedding is not in my hometown. My dad has offered no money and hasn’t asked for any say in it, my mom has offered some money (approx 10%) and has asked to be kept in the loop but has no interest in vetoing anything and my FIs parents have contributed quite a bit of money (approx 50%). They have been quite involved in choosing the caterer and alcohol and added quite a few friends to the guest list. My Fiance and I are paying the difference (approx 40%) and are doing all of the planning, with the input of parents already mentioned. 

Post # 34
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

dadster :  

I stand by my initial comment that you don’t “owe” anything…I am just curious and nosey – why is the wedding being held in the groom’s hometown as opposed to the bride’s, or a “neutral” location?

Post # 35
Member
245 posts
Helper bee

if you want to help your daughter, i would suggest helping with other items such as buying her dress, maybe the flowers or decor, perhaps her transportation or any hotel costs for the couple. nowadays, many parents do not contribute or certainly not along the strict traditional lines because very few people are having a ‘traditional’ wedding (i.e., dependent bride being married off to be under the care of another man). 

Post # 36
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

dadster :  you say you thought that you’d be paying for it due to tradition but then became confused as plans progressed. But, if your daughter is getting married in October and if you gave your daughter etc. the impression that you were paying back when you assumed you were and then you didn’t explicitly jump in as plans progressed (like location of wedding and guest list) to clarify that you would be decreasing your contribution by X amount (or to only cover y items, etc.), in time so that they could change their plans accordingly w an accurate idea of how your contribution would change based on all those details before paying deposits and selecting vendors and ordering invitations (all of which are mostly long done by now if the wedding is in October), then you should stick to the impression you gave them (that you’d be footing the bill) because you assumed you would be, gave that impression, and then never let them know that had changed in time for them to change their plans or adjust budget/finances. 

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