(Closed) Who pays for your wedding??

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Steph18:   What’s your culture/where do you live? Re: the age thing – I doubt my parents would pay for my wedding if I were mid-30s or up because they’d have to focus on retirement. But they still make money right now so they can afford it.

Post # 50
Member
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Steph18:  I’m sorry you have to deal with that, but that doesn’t mean all bees who are given money as a gift towards their wedding are just begging “daddy” for the money. It varies by family, by money situation, by how many children you have, there’s no way to look at this black vs. white, there’s a ton fo gray area.

Post # 51
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My parents are paying for the majority of our wedding (FI & I are also contributing and paying for our honeymoon). My mother and father (especially my father because he’s pretty sentimental) have told me since childhood that they would give me a wedding one day.  I suppose it’s more of the traditional route, that to me seems pretty popular. Many of the wedding books I’ve read even discuss how traditionally the bride’s parents pay for a,b,c & the groom’s parents x,y,z. Typically the bride’s parents end up fronting most of the money. Anyhow, this is how my family likes to do it, and I can definitely see me and my Fiance giving our daughters the same gift in the future.

ETA: We’d also help our sons too 🙂

Post # 52
Member
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Steph18:  If people in bridal stores are snickering at you and making comments, then you should either set them straight or take your business elsewhere.

And on the same token, if people are judging you thinking you aren’t paying for your wedding and it makes you feel bad then you shouldn’t judge people for accepting help.

Post # 53
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

We paid for everything. I remember when we told my single father we were getting married he got insecure and sheepishly said “I don’t know how to plan a wedding….” cause he’s been my main caregiver my whole life.

I’m sure he was incredibly relieved when we told him he didn’t have to plan or pay for a single thing.

Post # 54
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My dad is paying for our entire wedding. And then my Fiance and I are paying for our entire honeymoon. I don’t see anything wrong with that, But then again I grew up in a traditional family where it is expected for the father of the bride to pay for the wedding. 

Post # 55
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Fiance and I are paying….

FI’s dad is very wealthy (million dollar condo, 2 mercedes, etc etc etc….) but we don’t expect a dime from him (from previous experience of him promising money and not actually giving it–and it was HIM offering not us asking)

My parents are helping….as much as they can, but they don’t have much….I don’t feel bad taking thier money…i was told all my life not to worry about paying for college….i got accepted and “surprise, we have no money for you”…i JUST finished paying my student loans off….and no, i don’t expect my parents to have paid for school, but if i was not told not to worry about it, and told i COULD NOT get a job i would not feel so angry about it….SOOO, to GET my “student loan” i HAD to move out of my parents house and support myself….it was a government program….my parents had VERY BAD credit and eventually had a bankruptcy…..so they could not co sign for a bank’s student loan for me….I HAD to live on my own and work full time and go to school full time…..so I could afford a college education….crazy, but I did what I had to do….

Don’t always judge why someone feels like they deserve it….When i was working and trying to save a bit for college my mother would ask me for money….repeatedly, for stuff she didnt really really need…and guilt me into it…

you have NO IDEA what others go through, so don’t judge….

Post # 56
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Steph18:  I’ve seen a lot of Australian bees on here. I think you have to post at the right times to really catch them though. The majority of bees seem to be from the US. Like a previous poster said I think the wording of your post is what has irritated some people. Your irritation about how people snicker about you certainly comes off in the tone of the original post. I wouldn’t stick around somewhere with employees who behave like that. I was 20 when I got engaged and people would just constantly tell me I’m too young. I let them know exactly how I felt in the most polite way I could muster. People can be nasty no matter where you come from unfortunately. 

Post # 57
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

“It is our choice to wed and the wedding is one that we are choosing every aspect of so why do so many bees on here have their families pay??”

Whether you intended it to be so or not, this sounds pretty judgmental to me.

My family has always been more traditional, and I can’t remember a time for me when it wasn’t just kind of assumed that my parents were going to pay for my wedding. When I got engaged, I didn’t even have to have a money discussion with my parents. My mom presented me with a budget that she thought that they could swing, and has proceeded to pretty much act as my own personal wedding planner since. Being in school and not having a lot of free time, I cannot even express how much it means to me that she did so much research on the venues alone- we were probably in contact with over twenty different places before we settled on our location.

My Fiance and I have paid/are paying for my engagement ring, my dress, our wedding rings, our honeymoon, and my hair/makeup. Everything else is being covered by my parents. And they haven’t been pushy in the least- my mother may make suggestions, but ultimately it’s way more important to her that I get what *I* want, so long as it’s reasonable with our budget.

So short answer? They’re paying for my wedding because they CAN and they want to. Same reason they gave me a car when I turned 16, gave me a laptop when I graduated high school, and are currently paying for me to get my university degree. I hope one day I am fortunate enough to be able to do the same thing for my daughter. <3

Post # 59
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@BearcatBetch:  Same here – my fiances parents have covered the reception costs for all of their married and soon-to-be-married kids because they genuinely wanted to. We want to do the same for our little girl and other future kids as well. And itseriously helps with a mortgage to pay as well!

Post # 60
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yeah, in general I don’t think a couple should expect anyone to pay for anything…but it’s not so black and white…some cultures it’s a combined effort among the brides family and friends to pay for the wedding….in some families parents save up for their daughters wedding from birth! Some parents simply want to pay for the wedding if their children can’t afford a proper one on their own…and they feel it’s an honor. I don’t judge anyone either way. I think the best thing is to do it on your own….especiallly if you are VERY picky.

I personally, am from a culture in which we appoint various persons to pay for certain things (godparents)…although me, my fiance’ and my parents divide and pay for the big ticket items…that’s just the way it is in our culture. And people who are chosen to pay for things (flowers, church, kneeling pillows, candles, cake, boquet, etc) consider it a great honor.

But yeah, I don’t get to be super picky when people are helping me. 

Post # 61
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

agree I think this post is just silly…at the end of the day money is money and if my family is offering to pay for their children to get married as their parent’s paid for them, of course I am going to accept their gift…sorry you are so bitter!

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