(Closed) who pays – parents and money – long!

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that since they offered, it would be ok to ask them to pay for a particular thing.  Perhaps the food?  (that’s a biggie!)

Post # 4
5283 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

We also budgeted 6K for our wedding, of which were our own savings. My parents contributed 2K because they wanted to, and because we paid for most the wedding ourselves, my parents 2K didn’t provide them with “free range” to demand certain things. In fact they were a little peeved about the guest list, but we just couldn’t afford any more mouths & since we were paying for most of it, it was our money, our decision.

I will say beware, if your parents are control freaks, they will try to control the wedding esp if they give you money. My husband’s parents at first were going to give us a “gift” then they decided that we should use the “gift” to by a certain type of food for the wedding that I didn’t want to serve. After we told his parents we wanted to serve X type of food, his dad got upset, and ended up calling my parents to ask them why they weren’t paying for my wedding (even though I never asked husband’s parents for a dime.) So needless to say, we graciously accepted NO money from his parents and had a great wedding w/o their money & drama.  

Post # 5
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm. Are your parents the type that would get annoyingly over-involved? If so, I’d accept money for something like the dress you mentioned because that’s something that they are going to want YOU to love, whereas if you go with decorations or food or something like that, they may want their own personal opinions to have more sway. With the dress, they aren’t going to make you buy something you hate just because they are paying for it.

Post # 6
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree, I’d “assign” them something to pay for if you don’t want them to get fully involved in having a say in every little aspect of the wedding. 

With a budget of 5k I think you will appreciate having the extra cushion of their financial help… I know a 5k wedding can be done, but once you start pricing everything out you may be surprised.  Just my experience, but my initial thought of a 5k wedding for 30-40 guests has turned out to be more like a 10k wedding…

Maybe they could pay for the photographer or the catering – those can be biggies.

Post # 7
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I totally agree with AnnieAAA. Be ready to give up some control on whatever they end up paying for.

Post # 8
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

The Congo?  Awesome!

Agree with other posters that it would probably be easiest for all involved if you earmarked a specific item, rather than a dollar amount.

Post # 9
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It is great that your parents are offering you some help. I would however still plan the wedding like you are going to pay for everything yourselves and then accept what they are will to provide to you. Let them know what you are planning, but keep things in perspective. They have a big heart, but may not have a big budget.

Post # 10
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

If you want total control over it, ask them to pick up very specific items, like a dress, the flowers etc. 

Post # 12
28 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are totally struggling with the same thing. We are trying to keep things in perspective for them, and letting them know that we are paying for the wedding and planning it as we want it, and if they choose to contribute, it would be greatly appreciated, but not required, and it wouldn’t change what we are planning. 

One option that we offered my parents (who are trying to control our guest list and fill it with people neither of us even know!) is that they can choose one thing (band, photographer, day after brunch) and pay for that, and be with us in the process of choosing that item. It will hopefully help keep their controlling grip at bay!

This is much easier said than done – as I have learned the hard way! Best of luck!

Post # 13
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Maybe try asking them if there is a specific aspect of the wedding that they would like to pay for? Like photography or the your clothing or the alcohol or something like that. That way it’s a defined contribution, it’s for something that they know you need rather than just generally going for wedding expenses, and you can tailor it to what they can afford.

Post # 14
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you should keep your budget at $5k.  I’ve seen a lot of posts where parents say they will pay, then have to back out at the last minute and the couple is left with the bill.  If you were willing to have a $5k wedding, I would stick with that and let your parents help where they can and save the rest.  It keeps the pressure off your parents, and you may save some money for you and your Fiance.

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