(Closed) Who plans the bridal shower???? Help me, bees!!!!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mom and aunts threw my bridal shower. they didn’t ask for any lathing monetary from my bridesmaids, either. just had them show up early to help. I would talk to the bride and her mother so you know exactly what is expected of you and what their ideas are. You don’t want to have zero communication over what seems to be a kind of large party. Good luck!

Post # 4
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Every wedding I haev been in, and it’s a few, the Maid/Matron of Honor takes the lead in planning and the Bridesmaids help plan as well. For my shower my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids are planning it and my mother is helping them as well, but I think really its all up to wedding party to host and plan.

Post # 5
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Although the mother may have the shower at her home, and help with the expenses, it is not good etiquette for the close family of the bride to actually “host” a shower. It is impolite to say ” Come to a party for my daughter, the bride, and bring gifts.”

I encourage you to be totally open in any discussions wiht the Mom and the BM’s about what you and the BM’s can afford.  Not every bride is going to have the type of bridal shower you read about on Martha Stewart or Pinterest. There are lovely showers held every day in someone’s home.

If the bride’s Mom’s ideas are too grandiose for your budget, you could always host a shower for her girlfiriends and let someone from her more distant family or the FIL’s host a larger shower for family members.

Post # 6
8693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

As another poster said, traditionally it isn’t “proper” for the mother of the bride to host the shower. in my experience usually it is the bridesmaids who host the shower, sometimes along with the help of some other female relatives.

Post # 7
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t feel comfortable spending alot of money for a party for people I have never met

You would be throwing the party for the bride, not the guests.  You need to talk to her mom.

Post # 12
1548 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Where I live, its normally the mother who hosts the shower. I know this is looked down upon in other parts of the country, but its very common here. They are usually thrown in nice restaurants or bars, so its usually more expensive than bridesmaids would normally spend. 

Post # 13
6110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

My Maid/Matron of Honor is planning my bridal shower and bachelorette party but I’m going to be invloved. She totally doesn’t have a problem with this as she knows I’m OCD about certain things and I enjoy planning stuff and making sure everything looks perfect. My cousin kind of did this with her shower (she helped her Maid/Matron of Honor get everything stet up) and I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Post # 14
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

In my experience, mothers host the shower along with the bridesmaids. I know that is not the norm everywhere though.

As far as the bridal shower, there should be no expectation that you will host a shower. Although it would be nice, it is not required simply because you are the Maid/Matron of Honor or a bridesmaid. No one is entitled to a bridal shower. I am assuming you are already spending significant sums of money on a dress for the wedding, traveling expenses, hair, makeup, etc. If you don’t have additional money to host the event, that is completely understandable.

I would suggest contacting the bride’s mother and, instead of tip-toeing around the issue come right out with it. Tell her that you would love to help in any way possible with the set-up/prep/planning for the shower if they decide to host it but financially you just can’t swing hosting the shower yourself. If you can donate some money, great, but I would offer a specific sum of money that you are comfortable with after the planning has began.

I’m sure you are a lovely friend and I’m sure it’s hard for you to not meet the bride’s expectations but if you don’t come out with it and let the mom know you won’t be hosting, she may assume you are going to and then no shower will actually occur.

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