Post # 1
So my shower is on Sunday and yes, I’ll admit, I registry stalked…. and I’m disappointed that no one has touched our china or crystal. In Jewish culture, cash gifts are common (not as common as in Chinese or other Asian cultures, or in Greek weddings but still common) but I really want my china and crystal! Is it in bad taste if I delete other things not purchased for the shower (things I’d feel better about buying myself down the line than the crystal and china) so I can try to promote what I want?
Anyone else prune their registry?
Post # 3
@classyashley: I didn’t do this, but I know what you mean! I was hoping for a few things that didn’t get bought. There’s still a little time to go… we’ll see.
Post # 4
Please don’t do this. You are trying to manipulate what your guests will buy you. To be perfectly honest, I can’t count how many times I have looked at registries, seen the priceof the china and crystal that was chosen, and then made a path to the kitchen ware. Some of that stuff is crazy expensive and usually much more expensive than what I would spend for a shower. (I usually give cash for the wedding).
Not everyone can afford to buy your crystal or china. If a guest can only afford to buy a few goblets or a place setting of china it can make them feel cheap and guilty that their gift looks so small.
Please let your guests choose what to get you without trying to manipulate them.
Post # 5
@classyashley: It’s your call. It’s your registry after all. Your guests are still going to buy/give what they like!
I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to buy unnecessary luxury items. If all I saw were expensive things like that, I would forego a gift altogether and just give cash.
Post # 6
We got 90% cash gifts, and we used it to buy the stuff we really wanted off the registry!
Like our Roomba! (Best investment EVER, by the way)
Post # 7
People will still be shopping off the registry today, so I wouldn’t assume nothing else will be bought. They may also decide to get the more expensive items as wedding gifts, so I really would leave it as is until after your wedding.
There’s nothing more dislike than when a bride keeps changing her registry items and I’ve decided what I want to get, but haven’t bought yet.
Post # 8
@classyashley: I really never buy someone china or crystal. Honestly? I think it most likely will just sit in a cabinet.
Post # 9
You have a choice of two basic premises you can adhere to when thinking of your registry. You can treat it as a helpful guide to your guests that will make their task easier when searching for gifts for you. That is how most wedding-board posters see it, and that is how the department stores encourage you to think of it. If you take that approach you can put all manner of things onto the registry, from ephemeral items like this year’s fashionable look in plastic place-mats and cheap easy-dull potato peelers, to a few higher-cost items that are within the budget of your wealthier guests. There are even rules-of-thumb for how many items to register for based on how many guests you have (three choices per guest). And you can “spread the word” discretely to “help” guests find where you are registered.
And those of us who are sticklers for old-fashioned etiquette will shudder, also discretely.
Or, you can treat your registry as your personal planning aid for the kind of gracious hospitable household that you are planning to build for your husband and yourself, and your future family, over the coming decades of your happy marriage. Potato peelers and plastic placemats will come and go, so they do not belong on such a registry. But your crystal pattern and good china and other heirloom-quality items like kitchenaid mixmasters, damask linen tablecloths and 700-thread-count egyptian cotton sheets will last to be passed down to future generations, and you will want to gradually add to your collection and maintain it over the years. If you had asked me before setting up your registry, I would have advised you to create such a “household” registry, rather than a “gift” (shudder) registry: focussing on your future rather than on manipulating the generosity of your guests.
So, now you are realizing the difference in content between the two kinds of registry, and considering correcting your “gift” registry into a “household” registry? With the understanding, reflecting an agreement you make with yourself, that acquiring these beautiful household necessities is a long-term responsibility that YOU take onto YOURSELF; and any gifts that guests choose by snooping on your personal household registry is their choice, not yous; and that any gifts guests choose from their own excellent taste that are NOT on your registry, are still wonderful generous offerings that you will happily and gratefully receive? Please, yes, change your registry to make it right.
Post # 10
@aspasia475: As a bride in the process of registering for gifts, I like the idea of the 2nd type of registry. However, if we were to register only for china, that stand mixer, 700-thread-count egyptian cotton sheets, what would guests be able to afford?! I think brides and grooms should be mindful of their registry being affordable for guests. I think people would eyeroll a registry with just these very expensive items on it.
Post # 11
I did…but I did this because we got some “incomplete” things that we went and purchased with gift cards we received so I HAD to take them off the registry.
AND my mother made me register for a bunch of cheap stuff because she was worried people couldn’t afford what was on the registry for the shower….so I got rid of that since no one purchased any of it….and we really didn’t need/want it…..
There are a few items left on the registry that are big ticket items….but since we have owned our own house for 5 years I think the guests will understand….
Post # 12
i would think you would get more expensive pieces like the crystal for your wedding and the less expensive stuff for the shower.
Post # 14
@Skittles131: With classic open-stock china and crystal, guests would be able to afford one bread-and-butter plate, or a pair of port glasses. Or they could give that hand-knit afghan they’ve been working on since you charmed them when you were in grade two (something you could never register for) or a half dozen individually-made unique little lace doilies of the sort that go between the glass under-plate and the finger-glass just before the desert is served — which they realized you would need because you are the sort of person who collects good crystal and china.
Guests are clever and versatile. They can find something. The ones that aren’t clever and versatile will give you gift cards, or generic picture frames and vases that you can use, return, discard, or put to use in the guest bedroom where they will see it when they visit for the weekend.
Post # 15
I think the 2nd type of registry is all well and fine for affluent brides and grooms who move in affluent circles. Their loved ones would understand what kind of home the couple wants to build, and would probably not hesitate to buy the pieces that would make that hypothetical home a reality.
I, however, am not made of money, and neither are my loved ones. I can create a registry in a snap with all the items I want for myself, including $2,000 cookware sets, $800 santoku knives, etc., but I guarantee you I will not receive anything off that type of registry.
This is why I’ve put hours and hours into tweaking my registries before they “go live” on our wedding website. Gifts are very much appreciated, especially by poor brides like me, but let’s face it, they’re optional. So instead of keeping my dream home in mind while I build my registries, I am instead concerned about not offending my guests.
Granted, I do ask for mid-priced good knives, and I won’t settle for worthless flatware that will rust in 3 months. But I’ve decided with my FI that we can gradually build our fine china and top-of-the-line cookware, etc., on or own, with our own money. That would make heirloom hand-me-downs all the more special, I think.
Post # 16
Thanks aspasia – you seem to be a never ending font of good ideas 🙂
I sort of like the idea of the second type registry. Sure, it might be a little bit higher as far as price points but the part that I liked the most was that this is not a registry created for your guests. This is a registry created for you. It is your responsibility to purchase these gifts and I’d assume that the point is this registry never gets published on one’s wedding website. Guests have to seriously go out and search for it.
In my family, very few people, if any, will purchase gifts off a registry. Rather, they will look at the registry to get an idea of the couple’s tastes and then go find something that they feel fits in with those tastes.